Has anybody had to deal with these? These are individuals who are inconsiderate to others, and when critisized, throw temper tantrums, fall into ultra-cynicism, threaten to commit suicide, etc. I absolutely HATE having to deal with them.
Yup. Dated one. Was a much more positive experience than you make it sound, but that particular aspect of his personality was ahem something I could have done without.
I’m glad I’m not the only one. I was half expecting someone to post saying “well why do you put up with it?” I should be more specific in saying that these people are usually those close to you (SO’s, relatives, coworkers, etc) that you can’t just go away from.
Friend-of-a-friend is particularly vexing; when your friend has an emotionally fragile friend that you are not friends with but tags along causing much stress on your part.
Been there, dated that, got the T-shirt.
The worst part for me was that I was never allowed to have any problems; any time I mentioned anything that was bothering me, it always ended up with me trying to pull him out of a pit of depression, eternally shoving my problems to a back burner. Everything blew up to the point where it was my job to be his therapist.
It’s tiresome, but sometimes, as you say, you can’t just get away from it. The only thing you can do is try not to be sucked into it.
I’m with you, incubus and I was emotionally fragile myself in church less than 24 hours ago. I handled it by alerting a close friend or two so I had back up and keeping a good face on things until I got home. Others are not so considerate. There is a local science fiction writer with many books to his name whose books I will not buy as a result of his behaviour at the first science fiction convention I went to when I moved back here. He insulted the audience at a panel, generally made an ass of himself, then walked out citing clinical depression. As noted, I have it too. That doesn’t give me the right to insult people. I found out later he makes a habit of this.
To an efa:
“Yes, life stinks. Yes, depression stinks. I cannot save you. I’m not going to undo the work I’ve been doing to become co-dependent on you and try to solve all your problems. I’ve got enough of my own. I’ll do what I can to help, but if you get abusive, you are on your own. I’ve been abused enough, thank you.”
CJ
Sounds like a typical SO.
::::D&R::::: 
This is familiar for me too. I have an old friend who sometimes falls into this pattern of behavior. (Actually, I have two old friends.)
I am rather a blunt person, so more than a few times I’ve blurted out some “offensive” thing that was beyond unforgivable for the “emotionally fragile”. Looking back, I realize that I wasn’t saying anything all that outrageous (to a normal person), but I was reamed over as if I were a cruel, evil witch.
Years ago, one of the especially “emotionally fragile” ones had a fit because I thought I might attend the same art class she was thinking (maybe, sorta) that she might (maybe sorta) attend. All this because I am rather good at art, and my “emotionally fragile” friend was an art newbie. (I wanted to take the class because the teacher was touted as being so excellent - and he was.) My “emotionally fragile” friend could not bear it if I was in such a class with her, and tried her best to convince me that I would be heartless and horrible if I signed up for it. But it didn’t wash. I mean, what was I supposed to do? Clear my class schedule with her each semester? It was her problem, not mine.
Ah, memories. And there are so many more…
Maybe we were afraid of bruising someone’s “emotionally fragile” ego? 
Ha ha ha ha ha! 
Well, why do you put up with it?
(I wonder if there’s a d&r smiley being voted on.)
Seriously, I think there’s a thing to life that some people get most of the time, and other’s don’t more often, and yet a third group just doesn’t get at all–and that’s this: emotions, and our reactions and how we act out of feeling them, are actually different things.
Thank you, Drastic for saying that. I wish more people understood it. I once turned down a man because he was married. (He had pretty much attached himself to me during the course of a weekend.) He told me how much he loved me and how he couldn’t help himself. I told him that was his problem, and that he didn’t have to act on it because I certainly wasn’t.
I’m lucky. I’ve got reasonable radar and a good excuse for keeping my distance (sometimes a little too much so, but I’m improving). I also have a reputation for being as blunt as a concrete wall. I won’t let people pull this stuff with me, in part because I was never allowed to pull it myself. I’ll sympathize and do what I can to help, but I won’t be blackmailed, even if I wind up vieing with yosemite babe for being the most cruel, evil bitch.
One of my favorite message boards* has recently been invaded by an efa. Here’s how it goes:
innocent bystander: reasonable question about outer space, and cosmology, etc.
me: answers as best I can with references for further info
efa: some stupid shit about alien crop circles/Bermuda triangle time-travelling portals/Elvis lives on a secret govt. moon base, etc.
me: politely pointing out that it is a myth
efa: it is true cuz I researched it and its a fact!
me: asking for her sources and posting some websites that rebut her theory, but not in any sort of rude way at all
efa: you’re not open minded, and I can have an opinion, and why are you attacking me, shut up and leave me alone!
innocent bystander: points out that opinions are not the same thing as facts
efa: quit ganging up on me, and leave me alone, I didn’t come and post here to have everybody jump all over me!
me: you tell me I’m not open-minded in the midst of attacking me for giving you new information??
efa: I don’t want to fight with you cuz I’m having a bad day so don’t even start a fight with me, and I’m not returning to this thread anymore because you’re so negative!
innocent bystander: trying to get back to any decent topic
efa: some absurd shit about her tin-foil hat (like nothing happened at all)
me: disgusted silence on any topic in this thread anymore
efa: yeah sorry about earlier hehe my dog shit itself and my head exploded hehe and I’m real sorry and I’ll leave now if anybody was offended just say so and I’ll crawl away into a big empty hole and be all alone again
innocent bystanders: hugs and comfort and reassurance and begging her please don’t leave!!!
efa: I try so hard I just can’t help myself I just can’t really I really do try honest it’s just so hard I can’t!
me: you could just refrain from posting when you’re pissed off
efa: I said I was sorry already so don’t try to pick another fight with me especially today cuz my dog barked at me and it made me cry and I’m just not in the mood for anybody else to bring me down right now so cut it out I didn’t do anything to you!
innocent bystanders: awww don’t feel bad we’re here for you and you’re our friend it’ll be okay ::
:::
me: silent again because I’m busy with the schematics that involve locating her and shoving a complete set of fake moon rocks up her ass
I am just so fucking annoyed at this little piece of wonder-shit. I just fucking hate this kind of behavior, it makes me want to strangle cuddly animals and set them on fire, then bitch-slap some kindly old grandmothers around and maybe drag them behind my car for a while- IT JUST MAKES ME FEEL LIKE BEING MEAN. Really, really mean.
In other words, you have my sympathy. These kind of self-centered manipulative creeps are the worst. The absolute worst.
*Please don’t ask what board- I would prefer not to have a SDMB invasion there, and I would not like her to find out that I gasp talked badly about her I’m so mean! She suffers so much!!! Group hug everybody group hug!!! It will be okay!! :rolleyes:
FairBlue, you described many encounters that I’ve had with people on the net. Folks who make a huge gaff and then when called on their offensiveness, make an announcement about how they’re leaving the board since everyone’s being so mean to them.
Hello?! If you’re going to leave, LEAVE.
But they don’t really want to leave. They just want to hear people say, "Don’t go! We want you to stay! We LUV you! (((hugs))).
So now when someone says they’re going to leave, never to come back, I ignore them and encourage others to do likewise. I cannot stand drama queens.
Wow, I thought I was emotionally fragile because when someone insults me, it bothers me and I can’t stop thinking about it. Yet, I don’t kick up a fuss. I don’t know if that’s emotional fragility – it sounds more like being a selfish, hypersensitive drama queen. Fragile has nothing to do with hurting others when you’re hurt (even if you’re using yourself as a weapon, ie. suicide threats and wailing); that’s just plan vindictiveness.
fluiddruid, I’m sensitive too. For instance, someone made fun of my wild hair the other day and it made me sad for the rest of the day. But I don’t consider myself fragile because I know how to cope constructively. When someone hurts my feelings, I just get on a message board and talk shit about them until I start feeling better!
fluiddruid I think what the OP is refering to is not people who are sensitive, or a bit emotionally vulnerable in certain areas, but rather people who expect you to arrange your life around their moods. These people will not take responsibility for themselves, but they expect you to. It’s a very disgusting form of manipulation. It’s the whole “victim” mentality that means they can shit on you all they want because they’re “hurting”, and if you disagree you’re mean bitch.
“Biggirl, why did you tell her she was she was stupid to lend him 1000$? You know how sensitive she is.”
“Biggirl, you shouldn’t have told him that his constant croch rubbing chased her away. You know he has issues with his self-esteem.”
Look people, if you don’t want to know what I think, don’t ask me. If your skin is so thin and your ego is so fragile that the truth makes you down a whole bottle of Prozac then don’t ask me for my honest opinion! And if you get my honest opinion, don’t get mad at me for giving it to you.
That is all.
I hit the button too soon. :o
I was also going to say, ** monstro **, if you have encountered more than one of these jerks online you have my sympathy, and you must have more patience than me. This is my first net encounter with one, and I’m about ready to start shredding teddy bears over it.
Actually, anybody who has to deal with it has my sympathy.
Sounds like a nurseoid over at the Randi board, really. But you get these types everywhere. I play a few real time RPGs, called Mushes, and we get these drama queens who act out suicides… Eh, life.
My ex (son’s mother so I have to keep dealing with her) is one of those who asks others opinions. Not that she wants your opinion. She only wants validation of hers, and if you don’t agree…
I’ll no longer even offer my opinion on the weather. Just agree with nearly whatever she says and remove myself as quickly as possible.