Emotionally intimate lesbian-straight man relationship possible akin to gay man-straight female buds

[SanVito]

@astro

Does it ever occur in real life that a straight man would be a gay woman’s go to emotional buddy to discuss life crises, hopes and dreams etc.?

Of course it happens. People form close friendships with all sorts of people. I’m not clear what sexual orientation has to do with it.

I’m a lesbian and one of my closest buddies is a straight man (we even share an ex )

[Mijin]

One difference I have noticed is that there does seem to be a hate/resent men subculture among lesbians.
I’m not saying it’s all that common, but it’s common enough that among a group of lesbian friends there may often be one or more who would be very uncomfortable with having a guy around all the time. That’s a problem right there for the lesbian equivalent fag hag – you couldn’t be with him as often.

[Johanna]

I haven’t had the pleasure of knowing any lesbros, though I accept the concept in theory. In fact, I believe that by the time you formulate the question “Does X exist?” somebody somewhere is already busy doing X.

Now that you mention it, I very much wish that more heterosexual men would respond to lesbians with as much understanding as you described in the OP. My GF and I have encountered far more often straight men who learn that we’re lesbian and immediately get a goofy, lustful look on their faces and ask: “Wanna threesome?” :rolleyes: Unclear on the concept of “homosexual” much, dudes?

[SanVito]

@Mijin

One difference I have noticed is that there does seem to be a hate/resent men subculture among lesbians.
I’m not saying it’s all that common, but it’s common enough that among a group of lesbian friends there may often be one or more who would be very uncomfortable with having a guy around all the time. That’s a problem right there for the lesbian equivalent fag hag – you couldn’t be with him as often.

I think lesbians who hate all men are actually pretty rare, and likely come with some other baggage, such as experience of abuse. I can’t think of any lesbian I know who rejects the company of all men. Of course, I can only speak from my own experience (in the UK) – lesbian subcultures do vary across borders.

[Mijin]

@SanVito

I think lesbians who hate all men are actually pretty rare, and likely come with some other baggage, such as experience of abuse. I can’t think of any lesbian I know who rejects the company of all men. Of course, I can only speak from my own experience (in the UK) – lesbian subcultures do vary across borders.

My experience is UK as well.
Just a few times in soho where I’ve been having a fairly ordinary conversation with a girl who happens to be one of a group of lesbians, and one of the other girls will be incredibly rude to me or just freaking out. And, more simply, I have had girls tell me stuff like “Oh, she doesn’t like talking to guys”.

Of course this is just anecdotal.
On the first draft of my previous post I made this more clear, but it didn’t make the edit

[SanVito]

@Mijin

My experience is UK as well.
Just a few times in soho where I’ve been having a fairly ordinary conversation with a girl who happens to be one of a group of lesbians, and one of the other girls will be incredibly rude to me or just freaking out. And, more simply, I have had girls tell me stuff like “Oh, she doesn’t like talking to guys”.

Of course this is just anecdotal.
On the first draft of my previous post I made this more clear, but it didn’t make the edit

Ah, well, I don’t think I’d hang out with pretty horrible girls like that, hence my experience. That’s just damn rude!

[SciFiSam]

@SanVito

I think lesbians who hate all men are actually pretty rare, and likely come with some other baggage, such as experience of abuse. I can’t think of any lesbian I know who rejects the company of all men. Of course, I can only speak from my own experience (in the UK) – lesbian subcultures do vary across borders.

That’s my experience too.

You know, I bet we have some friends in common.

[Fuzzy_Dunlop]

@SanVito

I think lesbians who hate all men are actually pretty rare, and likely come with some other baggage, such as experience of abuse. I can’t think of any lesbian I know who rejects the company of all men. Of course, I can only speak from my own experience (in the UK) – lesbian subcultures do vary across borders.

Speaking as a straight white male (in America), it’s very unusual to encounter people who aren’t genuinely pleased to meet you, open and friendly. Lesbians are the one exception I can think of where that’s not the case. A minority are rude or hostile, quite a few are standoffish or distrustful, and of course plenty are friendly and open. Sometimes it’s just a vibe that they’re not comfortable with straight men, a vibe I might not even be interpreting correctly.

And to be clear, I’m not saying it’s wrong. I don’t think people are obligated to be friendly and open with me before they get to know me. It’s just that in practice almost everyone I meet is. For instance, I’ve met countless racial minorities, many (most?) of whom probably have experienced racism first hand - but I’ve literally never met an angry minority who distrusted white people. But a lesbian who’s guarded around straight men she doesn’t know? Definitely.

I’m the first to admit it has as much to do with me going through life assuming everyone will like me, but nevertheless it’s an unusual experience when it doesn’t happen.

[Johanna]

This reminds me of the Indigo Girls song “John.” Emliy Saliers sings about a platonic friendship between her and a neighbor guy.

John’s work is never done
Helping the girl from the city

[SanVito]

@SciFiSam

That’s my experience too.

You know, I bet we have some friends in common.

Undoubtedly!

[CosmosMariner]

It’s entirely possible for a lesbian woman and a straight man to have an emotionally intimate relationship. My partner is lesbian; I’m a straight male. Our initial attraction to one another was spiritual and intellectual, but as we progressed, it was as if we’d each discovered our numinous sibling. My attraction had always been toward women who did not fit the traditional Western roles, and the women with whom I felt more commonality tended to be lesbian. Who knew that a lesbian woman would come into the place of unconditional love with me? I’m not the only man with whom she’s ever been intimate, but I’m the only one with whom she has ever felt she had a complete relationship.

And it’s not some skill I developed that “converted” her. She is still lesbian. I suspect that I don’t fit into the traditional Western male role. I’ve heard it called a lesbro.

Whatever it’s called, the essence of the relationship is unconditional love. No agendas, no expectations, no guilt, none of the traditional boundaries. And yes, we can talk about absolutely anything.

[Isamu]

I’m best buds with a lipstick lesbian. She was an egg donor for my wife and I. Our babies would have been gorgeous, but it didn’t happen.

[rhubarbarin]

All of the gay people I know have straight friends of both genders, though gay men tend to share more traits and interests with straight women, and lesbians with straight men. Totally common at least in my (very gay…) social circle (full of mostly very social people).

Personally, all of my friendships where I’ve talked with someone for any length of time are fairly ‘emotionally intimate’ in that we talk about serious shit that happens in our lives and with our feelings on the regular (though I’m never one who wants/needs a lot of listening to or advice on my own problems - but I will mention problems I’m having when we’re catching up). It amazes me that there are people out there who only have that level of comfort with their SO or one very special best friend, or not at all. I guess I’m just not very private.

[not_what_you_d_expect]

@CosmosMariner

It’s entirely possible for a lesbian woman and a straight man to have an emotionally intimate relationship. My partner is lesbian; I’m a straight male. Our initial attraction to one another was spiritual and intellectual, but as we progressed, it was as if we’d each discovered our numinous sibling. My attraction had always been toward women who did not fit the traditional Western roles, and the women with whom I felt more commonality tended to be lesbian. Who knew that a lesbian woman would come into the place of unconditional love with me? I’m not the only man with whom she’s ever been intimate, but I’m the only one with whom she has ever felt she had a complete relationship.

And it’s not some skill I developed that “converted” her. She is still lesbian. I suspect that I don’t fit into the traditional Western male role. I’ve heard it called a lesbro.

Whatever it’s called, the essence of the relationship is unconditional love. No agendas, no expectations, no guilt, none of the traditional boundaries. And yes, we can talk about absolutely anything.

I’m not sure she qualifies to be called a lesbian. Unless being bi-sexual counts as being lesbian. Not that I really care what anyone calls themselves, but I would like to at least understand the definition.

Otherwise, you’re just describing my straight marriage.

[Truman_Burbank]

“Lesbros”? Jeesh. I have some friendships with lesbians, gay guys, straights, other people’s dogs, various children, related and not. I want to sex with none of them (excepting wife, of course). Seems like a weird thing to get labelled. I guess a straight guy who wanted friendships only with lesbains would be a bit unusual, though, come to think of it.
“Lesbros”? Cracks me up the more I think about it.

[Napier]

Straight man here, and several of my emotionally closer friends are lesbian. No thoughts of incipient romance, either - we just really like one another and connect well.