I have a daughter, young teen years. She’s a good kid. She’s suffered some sexual abuse in her life, that caused us some “trouble” with setting good choices when she first started dating. But I went through all the proper channels with the abuse (and prosecuting legally as needed) and getting her in therapy. Her therapist has suggested that she is ready for some independence… and an ability to socialize outside of my direct supervision.
My problem is. My daughter is VERY needy for male attention and approval. She puts up lots of walls with guys and I don’t THINK she’d allow any boys to manipulate or use her… I am fairly sure. Though I sware to NOTHING! I do think we are on a good path. Problem is, lately she has had trouble finding a boy to like her as a boyfriend. I’d think… this is great. But it devestates her. She was in her room crying about it last night… cause it’s been 2 months with no boyfriend. Very teen drama… “my life is over!” It worries me a great deal that she feels such a serious NEED for a boyfriend to define herself and prove her worth as a person. I did the whole “mom speech” full of how she shouldn’t define herself based on others, and she should love and accept hersself as is. Plus she is a beautiful, smart and funny girl. All she responded with is “Of course you think that, your my Mom… you don’t understand!” I guess I don’t.
I worry that her NEED for boys is a clear sign she’s to young to date, but that would depress her SEVERELY and make her feel even less in the loop of mainstream school kids. I don’t want to make her feel like more of an outcast than she already fears she is in her own mind, she is so stressed about this already. I want to help, and not cause her more problems. I feel it’s a self esteem problems… which is crazy cause she really is a quite attractive girl, that has a good shape and cute face. No reason to feel ugly, yet she picks herself apart (like is her forehead to big or boobs to small).
So any suggestion? Any suggestions on helping teen girls with self worth? Any good ways to get them to put less value on men’s (or anyone elses) opinions?