My wife, before we got engaged, said that she just wanted something sparkly and clear.
So I went, like a couple of people upthread, with Moissanite. It’s sparkly, and it’s clear, and it’s cheaper in terms of human life and actual money.
If she’d said that she wanted something cloudy and orange, I’d have gone with amber; if she’d said matte black, I’d have gone with, I don’t know, onyx or something.
My wife’s preferences are more important than society’s preferences.
A lot of things about the engagement ring culture bother me. First is the pressure to get something that’s obviously expensive and show it off to friends.
A good buddy of mine got engaged last year and he wanted to give his fiancée his grandmother’s ring.
But, he had been engaged once before—it was called of well before the wedding—and his fiancée said she would not wear a ring that his ex had worn.
So he had to take her to the jewelry store and spend a good chunk of change on a new ring. Meanwhile, his grandmother’s ring—which has sentimental value for him—will go unused.
It seems very shitty to me.
Well, he got the chance to learn something about his intended. Then decided to go ahead & buy the new ring anyway. Since he’s reached the age of reason & hasn’t been declared incompetent in a court of law, there’s not much you can do. (I do understand.)
Perhaps his next wife will like grandma’s ring.
n/m
FWIW, both Princess Diana and Princess Kate had blue sapphires as the main stones in their engagement rings, so there’s some big-money and big-tradition proof that it doesn’t absolutely have to be a diamond.
A relatively big sapphire can be had for the price of a not so large or grand diamond, and is interesting and will likely get a lot more commentary than a plain old diamond. Or at least that’s what my wife tells me about hers…
Congratulations. The most important thing about engagement rings is not the ring, but who you are giving it to. As long you both are on the same page about the symbolism, etc. that’s what matters most.
Well, I prefer to think that even perfectly nice people have their faults.
Yah, but he still did it! I mean, he’s at fault too, for going through with it. She showed her colors and he chose to accept them.
I don’t like diamonds either. They’re actually kind of a plain boring looking gem, and that’s even without all of the blood on them. And you know how to tell the difference between a lab grown diamond and a wild diamond? The lab grown ones are flawless! So we are literally spending more for flawed product. This is worse than paying for incoming cell phone calls.
My SO really wants to get me some sort of gem, so I asked for a sapphire. I have some inherited diamond jewelry (no rings), but I’ve never bought one, and if I do, it will definitely be an artificial one.
Just want to say congratulations, and that this truly struck me. How thoughtful, how meaningful. Screw the diamonds- you have brought weight and your connection into your rings. What’s finer than that? Have a long and glorious life together !!!
( And remember, when you procreate, the baby has to be named Cecil. )
As I said above, I don’t expect perfection from friends’ SO’s. I still feel free to criticize cultural elements that affect their behavior in ways that bother me.
If it’s even remotely conceivable that a woman could break up with you because she doesn’t get a shiny trinket, she’s obviously not marriage material, not even short term girlfriend material. If it worries you even vaguely, it means that you know appearances, bragging rights or money might be more important for her than you are. Who would want to commit knowing that?
My wedding band is blue box elder and mother of pearl on a titanium ring. I’m delighted with it.
Congrats to the OP for the neat rings AND the neat fiancee!
The demand for diamond engagement rings is something wholly created by the diamond industry. So is the expectation that a man should spend two months’ salary on a diamond. It’s all hogwash.
My favorite color is purple, so my husband gave me a purple sapphire. I didn’t know this previously, but sapphires come in all colors of the rainbow. We had to order the stone specially from an independent jeweler, but it was worth it. And it did not break his wallet.
I was against the whole “diamond engagement ring” thing as a commercial hoax created to sell diamonds. My wife, on the other hand, wanted a diamond ring because… well, because she wanted one and not to listen to her fiance lecture about DeBeers and artificial scarcity.
We both came out happy by buying a ring at an estate sale. She got a great looking vintage ring out of it (priced very nicely, as well!) and I had the satisfaction at least knowing I wasn’t directly putting money into the diamond cartel’s pockets. Also, you know, the benefits of knowing that my wife was happy.
I’m not a diamond person - I don’t even have an engagement ring, only my wedding band but I can kind of see her point. He’s sentimental about grandma’s ring, but she doesn’t want to feel like she’s his second choice every time she looks at it.
Yeah, I can see that, too. Sort of a feeling of being interchangeable with the first fiancee. I don’t think it would have prevented me from wearing the ring (as long as it was even remotely not hideous), but everyone is different.
I think even if it bothered me, I’d search for a way to wear the ring. Maybe on the other hand.
Another option that some people choose in this situation is to have the diamond reset. That way she gets a new ring designed to her specifications, but he doesn’t have to pay for a diamond, and gets to retain the sentimental attachment to his grandmother.
I am diamond-free for many of the reasons stated upthread. I love pearls, and have always thought that I would want a pearl engagement ring. Pearls were historically used in engagement rings even before diamonds. I know that pearls are more fragile, and the chance is good that it wouldn’t last a lifetime, but it wouldn’t bother me to have to have it replaced at some point. My parents have been married for 57 years, and my mother has had her (diamond) ring replaced or reset several times. It doesn’t seem to have hurt the marriage any.
Congratulations, oft wears hats. Thanks for coming back and telling us about the outcome. I think you made excellent choices in both the fiancee and the rings.
To answer the OP, what makes a diamond so important is a historically successful marketing campaign by DeBeers to make it important combined with a cartel restricting supply and degrading the value of “used” diamonds. Diamonds are not rare. There’s no reason for them to be so expensive except for collusion and virtual monopoly power.
I am not a big jewelry person, though I do like earrings. No, I love earrings, as long as they fit my style and personality. When or if I get married again I’ll request that a diamond not be purchased. I find diamonds quite boring as far as gems go. I like emeralds. And would like a gold band with a couple of small emeralds, or even just a simple gold band.
I was just helping a patron that had 8 rings on. One was a huge diamond/rock. There was nothing about it that impressed me - not the design or its size. I own a total of four rings. Two are from thrift stores and are worthless, but I like them. One I bought in Taxco, Mexico 30 years ago, and I still have my engagement ring (a diamond) from my last marriage - it belonged to my exe’s mother. I never liked it. It was not me at all. I’ll pass it on to my daughter one of these days. In answer to your question - I don’t understand the importance of the diamond, specifically.