See? It’s all there, explained for you. Do you want me to quote all the other statements on this thread that indicate that no, we don’t expect you to be attracted to anyone you are not attracted to? You really aren’t this dense, are you?
But I’ll repeat it again: DON’T pretend to be attracted to anyone you are not attracted to. But don’t think that because you are not attracted to them, it gives you license to have a “Save a whale, harpoon a fat chick” bumper sticker on your car. Don’t assume that you can utter, “I’d not be caught dead with a fat chick.” and it won’t ruffle feathers. Don’t assume that you can be openly disdainful or derisive. Or to say, “Oh god, I fear I’ll end up with some fatass chick because I’ll get so desperate” (as if that’s a fate worse than death). Because these things go beyond merely being “not attracted”. These things are rude, unecessary, and mean. Because, you know, just because you are not attracted to them, it doesn’t mean that they automatically don’t have feelings.
Don’t find certain people attractive? No problem. Neither do I. I don’t advertise it, though. You know why? Because WHO CARES? Why should I feel compelled to say that I don’t find such-and-such attractive, unless a person who is one of the types of people I don’t find attractive is doggedly pestering me for a date? There is a man that I know that (I suspect) might be a little interested in me, or at least he was until he detected my disinterest in him “that way”. For a variety of reasons I am not attracted to him—none of them having to do with what a great guy he is in many other ways. But will I tell him (or the rest of you) why I am not attracted to him? No. Who cares? Why carry on about it? The only person who should be remotely interested in my reasons is him, and he hasn’t asked. (And I doubt he will.)
And when I think this happens I will be absolutely happy to pile on.
Why not? There are serious social pressures we face every day about “what is attractive”. Always have. Shame that the greek statues were a little more realistic (and yummy) than most models, but there you have it.
Negative reinforcement. The same thing that prompts you to take such people to task for their behavior. See the logic there?
Eh. Hateful, I suppose; at least, I agree no one would say it is a nice thing to say.
I just want to thank Philster for letting us know that the only thing the 100 million fat women in the world are good for, is being good friends. I was wondering what they’re purpose was, but now I know.
You sound like you’re talking about a product, not individual people. Each person is different, each person is attracted to different people. Don’t try to sum up an entire section of the population (based entirely on how much they weigh!) with sweeping statements like that - it doesn’t work that way.
Okay, I want to throw my lot in here with the OP. I identified with Rex’s rant from the beginning and when people started attacking him for his anti-fat bias, I reacted defensively thinking: “but he said fatass loser girls, as if fat and loser were separate things.” But then I though about it more and realized that that was somewhat disingenuous. Fat and loserish are tied together, but not by Rex, by society, and by each of our own minds. What I read Rex to have said was “I don’t want to end up with a straight female version of what jayjay* used to be like.” That is to say, he doesn’t want to end up settling for someone who feels that they’ve been rejected by society and so they’re settling for him. And I have to say, I heartily agree.
But this has been said (and more eloquently) by other posters already, so why am I bothering to post? Because, somewhere in that other thread I posted what I think is the best rant I’ve ever written and it was totally ignored in the back and forth between the anti-fat and anti-anti-fat idiots. I told Rex that the only viable solutions to his problem were suicide or joining a cult. And nobody responded. No one said “Gee, epolo that’s kind of a nasty thing to say” or “That’s a damn funny rant.” Instead all you fucking fat and skinny and in-between losers tried to make the thread about you. Not Rex, not me, not anyone with a real fucking problem or anything to say, but you and your imagined slights. Go fuck yourselves.
“So you’re cheesed that nobody laughed at your sick little joke, you fucker?”
No, I’m cheesed that no one stood up to say “Hmm, suicide might not be the answer you’re looking for.” I’m pissed because, as I hope I made clear in that other post, that’s how I’ve been feeling for weeks now. I identify with Rex’s OP because that’s how I’ve been feeling. Like my life is fucking crap. That I’m a fucking loser that no one should have to be exposed to. And no one said “Things will get better” or even “Shut your pie-hole you fucker. You’re a real asshole for posting something like that.” I spent this past weekend and the one before in bed within the confines of my eight by eight bedroom because I can’t face the fucking world outside. Mostly because of assholes like you.
And you are contending that these societal pressures are good? The anorexia that is a common problem among teenagers, that’s a result of social pressure. And that’s good?
No. For one thing, the two behaviors do not compare. We taking someone to task for being hurtful and offensive to others. An anti-fat bias is going out of your way to tell someone else (who is not hurting you, just minding their own business) that they don’t “measure up”.
“Negative reinforcement” can be the most obnoxious intrusive thing imaginable. People very often use the excuse “negative reinforcement” as a rationale to be a complete ASSHOLE. “I was insulting you for your own good. See? See? I was trying to help you by humiliating you and telling you what a hideous repulsive loser you are! I did it in the hopes that you would improve yourself! See? See? I was deliberately cruel because I am a good person who wants you to be better!”
Oh my gosh, this is the biggest load of crap ever, and I’ve heard it as an excuse for bad and cruel behavior more than once. For one thing, why do these people appoint themselves as the person who is (through “negative reinforcement”) going to “fix” someone else’s problem? WHO THE HELL ASKED THEM to “fix” anyone? How arrogant and obnoxious. They need to work on fixing themselves before they start in on anyone else.
I think it makes assholes justify their cruelty and jerkiness. But the truth is, it almost never is meant to “help”, it just give cruel assholes the jollies. They love insulting other people who they don’t think “measure up”. But of course, if someone were to do the exact same thing to them, it would be completly different, wouldn’t it? That would be cruel and unwarranted. Because they’d be the one who was the target for a change. It’s never the same when they are on the receiving end of some “negative reinforcement”, is it?
One thousand pardons, epolo. Allow me to lavish well-deserved praise and attention on your person. You, sir, are a man of breeding, intelligence, and wit.
I like big woman. I like a girl who looks like she model for a Titian painting, a girl who knows she is all woman and a lot of it. I love my womans generous proportions and go for ones that could be mistaken for something out of a Coop print (look him up if you dont know). I like a girl who is not worried want you think, nor cares what you say behind her back, and loves a man like he loves her back. Who, just by strolling past my office nude to grab a pair of shorts out of the dryer can set me off to go jump in the sack with her over my shoulder (and yes, she is heavy to carry but oh so worth it) I love a girl who has gained weight, has a pot belly, smiles at me in the morning, and is a fantastic lover.
I have this woman right now. I am very happy. There are a lot of women out there that do not fit the skewed ‘ideal female’ out there like her…
and you are a total idiot if you are this blind to ignore them and go for what society says is ‘the norm’.
erislover, I thought that “Fatassed loser girls” was a rather ignorant comment, because I felt it implied that larger women were losers. If this was not the intent, then I retract the “ignorant” comment. However, I still feel that the whole tone of the post is mean.
It is possible to express an opinion about what you find attractive, without being nasty to people that don’t fit the bill. For example, Rex could have said “When I finally get a woman interested in me, I probably won’t be attracted to her.” It convey’s the same message without the hurtfulness.
Oh, and Philster, you’re a jerk. I don’t know how it is that you only date supermodels, but I assume it’s either because a) you don’t actually date, b) the women are stunningly stupid, or c) as soon as they get to know your real personality they dump your ass.
Well. So that wasn’t a patronizing/ridiculing thing after all? Because it looked like one.
Very true, it turned out to go in that direction but I also think there were people trying to be helpful there…don’t focus solely on the negative now. Suicide is definitely not the answer. Jayjay’s post in this thread was excellent - want to comment on that one?
samarm, I wasn’t exactly looking for sympathy. And I guess I do owe the OP an apology for (slightly) hijacking this thread. Sorry Blalron. I was just kind of pissed about how people hijacked the other thread. I didn’t want my own thread. I wanted that first one back. As I pointed out, I was a little overly personally invested in that other one.
Fred, as shitty as I feel today, I was trying to be lighthearted. I hope that’s the way you took it. Um, I couldn’t quite tell. I’ve thought I’ve had something to contribute to a thread on this board about 85 times. The other half of my posts are apologies for screwing up so badly in how I express myself that I unintentionally pissed someone off. Which is pretty bad in this case, as the whole point was that I’m a jerk.
There’s nothing hypocritical about it. If I said that I found heavy girls unattractive but expected girls to find me attractive despite my extra pounds, then that would be hypocrisy. What I’ve actually stated is that I don’t find heavy girls attractive, and I similiarly believe that I myself am unattractive for the same reason. I fully expect women to apply the same standards to me as I apply to them, and therefore I don’t judge them or fault them for having their tastes just as I have mine. Perfectly consistent.
What I don’t like, and what got me into this whole “fat” thing all those months ago in the first place, is the implication that because I’m overweight I should just try to date other overweight people and be happy about it. Who I am, and who I find attractive, those are two separate and unrelated things. Just because I’m overweight doesn’t mean I have to celebrate fatness, I’m under no obligation to trumpet a love of fat from the rooftops. As long as I apply the same standard to myself as I apply to others, and I am doing exactly that, I don’t see anything hypocritical about it.
Hm…I suppose it was sort of a patronizing/ridiculing thing. But I was patronizing/ridiculing myself too, although I’m sure that doesn’t make it much better.
There were people trying to be helpful in the other thread, even if they were drowned out. My problem (in this limited instance, not in general because that would certainly need its own thread) is that most of the responses tend to be about getting some excercise and maintaining a positive attitude. While this is almost certainly the correct response, it becomes sort of an irritating refrain when you’re really in the pits (at least I think so). Everything looks so hopeless from here, and of course it does, otherwise this wouldn’t be the pits.
As I said before, I think jayjay’s post was excellent.
I have known many fat girls, and only one of them would I describe as a “fatass loser”. Allow me to explain…
She probably weighs in somewhere between 250-300 lbs. She dresses in a manner which is completely unflattering. She complains about her weight, claiming she can’t lose any so why bother. Then, as I observed her eating habits, she would drink 4 or 5 cans of Coke a day, whole milk instead of something lighter, ect. She’s engaged to a guy who has cheated on her multiple times, and gave her a ring which looks like something out of a quarter machine in the supermarket.
Now, who could blame Rexdart (or anyone for that matter) for not wanting to end up with someone like that?
