BTW, Vivaneedsarubdown, not being gay makes your obsession with “plasma conduits” quite teat-a-lating!
Mrs Slockem: “My pussy feels neglected.”
Spock: “The Vulcan Science Directorate has determined that double entedres are illogical.”
Trip: “I’m guessing spelling isn’t high on Vulcanians list, either, huh?”
(You see, ENT era people should be calling them Vulcanians, not Vulcans, as that was what they were called in the first few TOS shows,)
Speaking of lightbulbs…(I just dug this up and had to share):
Q. How many members of the USS Enterprise (TOS) does it take to change a lightbulb?
Vary this for the other Trek series. Serieses. Serii?
bubl?
HA! Miss Nitpicky!
You forgot Chekov! Lightbulbs were first produced in the Motherland, y’know. The American capitalist pig dogs stole the idea from them.
I put bubl in there just to see if you were paying attention.
It wasn’t my joke. Y’all can modify it any way you want.
Then…
let’s replace light bulbs with T’Pol
Gamma Globulin IV with a bowl of lime Jello
Scotty with Trip
And finally, replace the Klingons with three very annoying young Iguanas smoking pot.
Now, rewrite the joke…
What do we replace bubl with though?
GOO!
Q. How many members of the USS Enterprise (TOS) does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Seven.
Trip will report to Kirk that the T’Pol in Engineering in burnt out, so Kirk sends Bones to pronounce it dead. Trip notices after checking that they have no more T’Pols and complains that he “canna see i’ the dark t’ tend mah wee engines.” Kirk must make an emergency stop at the next uncharted planet, a bowl of lime jello, to procure a T’Pol from the natives. Kirk, Spock, Bones, Sulu, and 3 red shirts beam down. The redshirts are killed immediately by the natives, and the rest of the landing party is captured. Meanwhile, back in orbit, Trip notices a ship with three very annoying young Iguanas smoking pot approaching and must warp out to escape detection. Bones cures the native king of the flu and is rewarded by having the landing party set free and given all the T’Pols they can carry. Trip cripples the three very annoying young Iguanas smoking pot ship and warps back to the planet just in time to beam up Kirk and what remains of the landing party. The new goo is inserted and the Enterprise continues its mission.
I LOVE IT!
My favorite line is “Trip notices after checking that they have no more T’Pols and complains that he ‘canna see i’ the dark t’ tend mah wee engines’.”
Teeheehee.
Or…Archer tries to get lightbulbs from those stinking Kretassans, but he yawns without authorization and is forced to conduct humiliating public apology rituals in exchange for just a few bulbs.
Trip attempts to negotiate lightbulbs from some alien chick but winds up pregnant instead.
Hoshi asks for lightbulbs in what she believes to be an approximate translation but doesn’t realize until too late that what she actually said was, “Please fire at us while our hull is not polarized.”
What, you mean to imply that no Decon scene was necessary in the lightbulb changing scenario? That is so bogus.
The panda and I are disgruntled.
Damn, a disgruntled panda. I remember a disgruntled panda on Voyager. Janeway shot him five times with a compression phaser rifle, and all it did was piss him off. They had to get Nelix to cook him something. Put him in the hospital for a week.
But I digress.
Yeah, disgruntled panda = not a good thing. Now, a GRUNTLED panda, on the other hand, is a pleasant, placid beast. Just lolls around, casually chewing his bamboo.
Either way, they’re kind of big and ungainly, though. I’ve got a gruntled panda napping under my desk, and it’s kind of in the way; I’ve got nowhere to put my feet.
Oh, to lie about chewing my bamboo…
Why would you lie about that? We wouldn’t think less of you if you admitted to chewing bamboo.
I quit abusing bamboo using the patch.
It goes under your fingernails.
Is it spotted bamboo?
I don’t know if it is spotted or not.
It’s hell on your teeth, though.