No, i just want to bring home the bacon! I’m high on the Hog! I got a snout for news! i’ve gone hog wild! I shall pig out and become a hot dog! It may be cold outside, but i’m bacon in here!
Dr. Strangepork: We seem to be drowning in puns, Captain!
First Mate Piggy: Not if i can do anything about it! HIIIIIII-YAAH!!!
Hmm. Miss Piggy as T’Pol (or would that be T’Pork?). I guess that would make Kermit Archer. Actually, considering Archer’s lack of a spine until recently that would explain a lot. (starts thinking harder)
Hey, where did all of these wiggly lines come from? It looks like a dreeeaaammm ssseequence…
The Muppets Present: Enterprise
Kermit/Archer: Hi-ho everyone. Archer the Captain here puting an entry into the ship’s log. The admiral has asked us to investigate a strange object that was detected in an unexplored region of space.
Kermit/Archer: T’Pork, do you have any readings on the object yet?
Miss Piggy/T’Pol: Yes, Captain Kermie. It’s just coming into sensor range. It appears to be some sort of unknown phenomenon.
Chorus: Phenomenon! (Do do, do do do)
Piggy/T’Pol: Put a sock in it!
Kermit/Archer: Piggy! You can’t do that. Vulcans are supposed to be unemotional, remember?
Piggy/T’Pol: Oh, give it up. Everyone knows that Vulcan logic is a sham. They’re stuck up and stubborn, just like moi!
Hoshi: Captain, we’re receiving a signal from the object. It appears to be a ship.
Kermit/Archer: Thank you. Who are you?
Hoshi: I’m Linda Park. I’m this weeks guest star.(Applause) Captain, the other ship’s captain wants to talk to you.
Kermit/Archer: Put them on.
(The screen just shows static)
Hoshi: I’m sorry Captain, the signal is too weak. We’re too far away.
Kermit/Archer: Travis, can you get us closer to see if we can get a stronger signal?
Beaker/Mayweather: Murmur, murmur.
Dr. Bunson Honeydew/Phlox: Captain, I just wanted to inform you that I have come up with new invention - a robotic Ship’s Doctor. It works by re-routing the technobabble particles on 12 different frequencies. If you are in trouble and I’m not around, it can give you one of several pre-programmed lectures on inter-species tolerance.
Hoshi: Captain, we’re close enough now.
Gonzo/Alien Captain: I thought I’d never find you!
Kermit/Archer: Gonzo? You’re the alien?
Gonzo/Alien Captain: Sure! Don’t you remember the end of Muppets from Space? Anyway, I’ve been sent by an advanced species - the Neilsani. They have determined that in order to increase your ratings, you need… (dramatic flourish) more Panda!
Fozzie/Panda: Wocka, wocka wocka!
Kermit/Archer: But you’re not a Panda!
Fozzie/Panda: Look, frog: I’m a bear, and that’s about the best you’re gonna get in this silly skit. Besides, I’ve got a new act!
Kermit/Archer: Oh, no! Tripp, can you give us enough speed to get us out of here?
Rowlf/Tucker: Sorry, cap’n. I’d like to throw you a bone, but the engines are just dog tired. Besides, I have rehersal in about 5 minutes.
Kermit/Archer: Mr. Reed, can we fight them off?
Sam/Reed: No. And if you’d listened to me, we’d never be in this position. But, noooo! Nobody ever listens to the best advice they could ever get. Advice from me.
Kermit/Archer: Shouldn’t you be English?
Sam/Reed: Yes. But I’m the stuffiest person you have. And you’re lucky to have me.
Piggy/T’Pol: Captain Kermie!
Kermit/Archer: What is it?
Piggy/T’Pol: Nothing. I just haven’t had a close up for a while.
Kermit/Archer: Gonzo, isn’t there anything that we can do to avoid this?
Gonzo/Alien Captain: Well… They did say that there was one other option. You can do a reveal.
Kermit/Archer: What’s that?
Gonzo/Alien Captain: A reveal. Take a character that has been spoken about a lot but never seen and feature him in an episode. You would need to reveal - Chef!
Kermit/Archer: But we can’t reveal Chef! He’s one of our cute gimmicks.
Gonzo/Alien Captain: It’s up to you, Captain: The chef, or the Bear!
Fozzie/Panda: Aw, come on. I told you, I have a great new act!
Kermit/Archer: Chef, please report to the bridge.
Statler/Trek Doper: Hey, do you know why they call this show Science Fiction?
Waldorf/Trek Doper: Because any science that they show is fictional!
Sam/Reed: Captain, I advise against this, although I’m sure you won’t listen to me.
Kermit/Archer: We just don’t have any other choice. Here he is now.
(The bridge doors dramatically part to reveal…)
Chef: Dinnur tam, youbecha! Bork, Bork, Bork!
(fade to black)
Mucho funnioso. I giggled like a tipsy Kn*ckers all throughout.
I did, too.
Thanks, Linus!
That’s outstanding, Van Pelt.
But don’t tell anyone I said so.
dammit.
pokes thread with a stick
It’s dead, Jim.
I’d take issue with that, Kn(*)ckers.
Notice how Kn(*)ckers always starts trouble and then goes home?
Humph.
i should get some freeze frames of episodes i have and just make my own story…that would rule…
Linus, that was an A+! Even better than your lim’ricks. 
Cool. Another A+ from the Perfesser. 
Hey, Viva, am I that good or are you an easy grader?
Carni, I won’t tell anyone if you won’t.
So were you actually tipsy, Kn*ckers, or were you just giggling like you were?
Oh, and since he gets sulky when he gets left out, I’ll mention Aesiron (I figured I didn’t have to say anything, just mention his name).
Thanks everyone. I was actually proud of this one.
Thanks.
Who?
I don’t give A’s that easily, and never pluses, so you musta done good. <------summer hiatus grammar 
Pft… I only get sulky when the women folk ignore me.
Speaking of which, sorry that I wasn’t here earlier, viva. Had a huge fight with my mom that lasted a good hour. Would’ve been here if I could’ve. 
Hope both parties are still standing…
We’re both here… I forgive and forget easily.
That’s 'cause you’re a wimp.
REAL men hold a grudge.
I had this on tonight while talking to my cousin and wound up missin’ most of it. All I remember was Hoshi cryin’.
Don’t cry, Hoshi. 
I take it back.
You’re cool.
I’m not much of a man’s man, anyway. I’ll cry freely is sad, I like chick flicks, I hang out with the women on the Holidays instead of watching sports with the men, and so on. Damn proud of it too.
By the way, I think I’m going through a quarter life crisis. I’m talking to a buddy on AIM and I realized I’m almost 22 and haven’t done squat with my life yet. I want to be 16 again so I can do some stuff over. Or, failing that, at least go back and beat the hell out of myself.
So Cplant, do real men watch the Muppets?
Aesiron, at risk of sounding like a Custy Old Fartsup[/sup], at 22 nobody expects you to have taken on and conquered the world. Beating up on yourself isn’t going to help.
However, I think we can all agree that smacking yourself around at 16 is probably a good idea. I have no idea what you were like at 16, but remembering myself at 16, I understand [sup]*[/sup].
Where’s crewman Daniels when you need him?
*Please, current 16 year olds, do not be offended. I’m sure at age 40, I’ll want to give the current me a few shots as well.