Last time, they left us with the Suliban, Daniels, Archer, and time travel. So what’ll it be this time?
–Chef will show his face.
–We’ll find out what the deal is with those smooth-headed Klingons from TOS.
–The Romulans will reappear.
–Hoshi and Travis will become an item.
–Trip will get an alien woman pregnant this time.
Guess away.
One word:
TRIBBLES!
mc
(oh, and they are cloth eating tribbles so everyone has to go around sans clothing. Just as they eat the final piece of T’Paul’s garment we fade to black and the word’s “stay tuned for another episode next year!”…It’s shark jumping time!!)
Cancellation.
monkeys!!!
Porthos stages an armed mutiny, strands the crew on an isolated planet, then commands Enterprise on all season 3 episodes.
Too bad they can’t use Gary Seven.
Actually, I look for a Romulan incident. They’re way too close to the time for the War for nothing to lead up to it. So, a cliff hanger with Romulans. Mark my words…
Um, looks like Rene Zelweiger is on speed or something. Got really skinny and is talking up a strom of nonsense on Letterman right now.
So, Bridget Jones joins Enterprise and everyone gets a little goofy. (To keep this on topic 
)
That was on topic? You’re still on those cold pills?
Add this:
Mayweather really will die/be written out. It could happen. He fades in and out anyway.
The Borg shows up, grabs Archer, half-assimilates him, and he becomes “Et-Tu-Brutus of Borg”. In part 2, Hoshi freezes the Borg ship (just a Borg Square – the cubes aren’t around yet) in its collective tracks by removing her shirt. Trip and Mayweather pull off a daring rescue of Cap’n Archer.
I abhor those who give two answers when one is asked for, but I say Romulans and/or Time Travel.
I hope the Romulan war starts. But we need more Earth ships.
I hate time travel stories.
Q appears and starts a ruckus. He then erases everyone’s memory of said ruckus.
Every time I see that that guy something, I have to get out my ELO’s Greatest Hits CD.
Damn you, Carniverousplant!
Wait…
Ah, never mind. I’ll just post this as is.
*Mister Blue Sky
Please tell us why
You had to hide away
For soooo long
(Sooo long)
Where did we go wrong? *
Ooh, predictions! I love predictions!
Look, you all with the Romulans and the Borg, and the every-other-damn-thing-that-has-already-had-Star-Trek-season-finales-done-about-it are not being creative enough. Didn’t your mother ever tell you that when you make a reasonable prediction, God kills a kitten? Well, she should have. Not because it’s true, just because every child deserves to be told horrible things by censorious grown-ups.
So, to save the kittens of the world, here’s my Preposterous Prediction for the Season 2 finale:
Boom! Zap! Crash! The show opens on a battle scene, and we see the bridge crew scrambling about, falling down, getting thrown over consoles, etc. Did Archer forget to tell them to brace for impact?! No, sir/madam, he DID tell them, only the weapons being used by the Alien Ship (which we haven’t seen yet, so we don’t know who the aliens are) interfere with human (and vulcan, and denobulan) neurological functioning, on account of which, the crew has been made all clumsy and can’t make their hands hold onto things.
Bummer.
So here’s Enterprise, getting all knocked about, and nobody can brace for impact, and nobody can push the buttons that make the weapons work, or the hull-plating get polarized, or anything. Man, it sucks.
The aliens beam on board, and they’re all “We are taking your ship, and you are our prisoners!” They kill a few redshirts - oh, wait, no redshirts. Sorry. They tickle Travis until he gets all silly, and the rest of the Enterprise crew realizes that it would be pointless to try to fight such a powerful species.
But soft, I haven’t described these aliens yet! They’re three-foot-tall hermaphroditic pirates. They say “Aaaaarrrrr” a lot. They all wear eye-patches, and have peg-legs (well, one peg-leg each, actually), and carry around potty-mouthed parrots on their shoulders.
Porthos sneaks onto the bridge in all the confusion, and one of the parrots eats Porthos. Hooray! I mean - Oh, darn! Archer’s SO freaking pissed. He goes apeshit on that parrot’s ass, and twists its little parrot head right off. Bad move, Cap’n. The pirates have finished tickling Travis by now, and they see Archer’s assault of the bird.
Now, the pirates are all mad (because it was the pirate Captain’s parrot, and he loved it as much as Archer loved Porthos), so they decide, not only are the Enterprise crew going to be their prisoners, they’re going to be prisoners who have to wear ballet tutus and toe shoes, instead of the ordinary orange prison jumpsuits. Because humiliation is seen as the greatest punishment to these aliens.
WELL, the pirates take the humans (plus one vulcan and a denobulan) back to their planet, and lock them up, and make them wear tutus. Then, they take Enterprise, and scrap it for spare parts. Then we don’t see any more of the aliens.
Lots of long boring scenes in the prison. Hoshi brushes her teeth (we learn she’s obsessive compulsive, as well as claustrophobic). Malcolm does yoga. Phlox smiles his creepy smile. Chef… mmm, I don’t know what he’s doing, because we can only see his feet. Trip pretends he’s playing the harmonica, but really he’s just putting his hands over his mouth and going “Waaa-wa-wraaaahh-waa”. It’s so irritating. Travis isn’t there. I don’t know what happened to him, maybe he got left on Enterprise. Nobody notices he’s missing.
So, crap. We’ve got Our Heroes, all bored, and done up in little pink dresses, and their ship’s been dismantled, and it seems like they’re totally screwed. Archer stares as the prison wall (he’d stare out the window, but there isn’t one), and tells T’Pol that it’s all his fault, and how he hates himself, and wishes he were dead, and couldn’t his tutu at least have been lavender?
T’Pol agrees that he was a dumbass for killing the bird, and implies that she wishes he were dead, too, but then she tells him lavender really isn’t his color, and he looks simply smashing in pink. Actually, she says “aesthetically pleasing,” but you know she meant smashing.
Archer looks at her tenderly. She looks back at him, with that slightly bored expression that he finds so irresistible. They lean toward one another. Ooh! Ooh! They’re going to kiss! They’re going to have hot, steamy, prison-ballet sex!
Or are they?
Find out next season.
Good gad, she’s stealing from The Bard!
And now you’ve done it, Matey!
We all have to talk like bloody pirates when we post!
AAAAARrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
I’ll be shovin’ off, then.
Well Matey, methinks Dean Stockwell will show up, inform Cap’n Archer he made another leap, which leads to Archer saying
.
.
.
.
.
.
“Oh boy.”
Arrrr. 'Tis the way it has to be, landlubber.
Season two will end by finally pissing me off enough that I won’t bother tuning in to the third-season premiere of this slow-moving disgrace that isn’t even exciting enough to be called a train wreck so I’ll call it a jello melt.
I weep for Firefly.
Hola!
This lame show gets cancelled, Linda Park (Hoshi) does a Playboy layout and the dude who plays the doctor has a long successful movie career. The Klingons kill the rest.
SENOR
I fail to understand the concept that one can somehow “trade” Firefly for Enterprise.
how about an episode which is all singing, all dancing?
“Klingons keep falling on my head, but that doesn’t mean that Klingon blood is red…”
“I feel Logical, oh so Logical,…”
Everybody do the Enterprise Raaaaaa-aaaag!
[sung by green frog looking aliens in top hats]