One of my best friends is getting married in September (to my cousin(!), but that’s another thread altogether), and he had the sadism/lapse in judgment to make me his best man. Which is all fine and good…but I really have no idea what it entails. (Something about strippers, yes?)
So, if anyone could let me know WTH I’m supposed to be doing, it’d be appreciated.
Organize the bachelors party. Keep track of the wedding ring on the wedding day. Calm the grooms nerves. 
Depends on how complicated the ceremony is going to be. In general, you are in charge of the bachelor party, the first toast to the bride & groom at the reception, and getting the groom to the ceremony on time and sober. After that it gets tricky. The best bet is to sit down with the bride (alone) for lunch someday soon and find out how fancy it all is and what HER expectations are. Then go from there.
Make sure he gets to the wedding on time (preferably not drunk unless its the only way he’ll go through with it - hungover is fine), and in his tux. Plus, don’t lose the ring.
Well, the two key duties consist of:
Organising the stag do - anywhere from one evening to one week of anything you think will amuse the groom and his friends (tends to lean toward drunken debauchery but you could arrange a poetry reading followed by a checkers tournament if you feel like it). Attendees - anywhere from two to a hundred or more, its up to you/him. Moderately tricky. Would advise asking him if there are any must-haves and no-nos.
Keeping the groom on the straight and level during the wedding and reception - making sure that when nerves overcome his ability to dress, walk, talk, speak etc. it does not adversely affect the big day, and overcoming any minor hitches such as cars failing to turn up, fights breaking out, bridesmaids throwing up in flowerpots, etc. Can be very tricky if the wedding is big or there are family ‘rifts’.
Making an amusing speech about the grooms past life as a single man, and wishing him luck as a married man. Traditionally required to be somewhat risque and embarassing, but must NOT cause major offence to anyone in the room, especially not the groom, bride, or in-laws. Not unless you want to start a feud, that is. This bit is seriously nerve-racking if you are not used to public speaking, and can require some delicate judgements.
Three words: Droit de seigneur, my man. 
Make sure you bring ample cash for bail.
Just last month I wore the crown of a best man to my buddy’s wedding (and next week It’s my turn to be the groom—oboy) and I wanted to add something. On the wedding day, not only was I responsible for the rings, but I was also in charge of making sure the various tips were given to the appropriate people. In my case, this included the church attendants, the Maitre’D and the D.J. The groom will have a lot to do on his wedding day, and he won’t want to worry about that stuff. Just take the envelopes with everyone’s tips in them and make sure they get where they need to go.
It’s also a good idea to make sure there are some decent cigars to be smoked at some point during the reception too.
Good luck, and let us know how it all turns out. Especially the parts involving the bachelor party. 
I would add to the above:
As best man, you are really the Groom’s back-up singer. It’s the Bride’s day, for sure, but you (as Best Man) are there to make the Groom look good. Since you don’t have to do all that make-up / hair / dress stuff that the Maid of Honor is supposed to, you’re there to
1.) Make sure the groom has all of his outfit. If you are both renting tuxes, it might be a good idea for you to try to come up with a back-up set of accessories (shirt, tie, links, etc.) - but only if it is easy for you to do so (i.e. don’t buy a whole other set - just raid your closet).
2.) Make sure the groom is on time. If you plan some sort of festivities the previous night, your job is to make sure the groom is coherent and ready to go at W-hour. You really should not plan the stag party the night before. At least one week should pass between stag party and wedding - it’ll give any bruises (physical and ego) a chance to heal.
3.) Make a funny speech / toast. But remember - you’re the back-up singer. Don’t take center stage. Don’t go on for longer than ~ 2 min. Don’t offend anyone. Do say something nice about BOTH people you are celebrating. (Maybe talk about how they met, how you knew before anyone else that they’d tie the knot, or something funny that happened to the two of them.)
4.) Just be the good friend that you are. It’s why he picked you.
:eek:
In the case of this particular groom, it’s more like, “Before this it gets tricky.”
If it’s good enough for Kentucky, it’s good enough for me.
The best man is also responsible fulfilling the role of Ultimate Wing Man for the duration of the events. It’s up to you to be keeping things running smoothly throughout the wedding and reception. If, for example, the bar is only purchased through a certain dollar amount in drinks and that amount is reached early, it’s time to man up and plunk down your credit card (usually only to the tune of a few hundred bucks). Unruly drunks making a spectacle, starting fights and upsetting grandma? Guess who gets to play bouncer. DJ shows up and forgets all his CD’s? Time to run out to your car. The best man is there to intervene on behalf of the couple getting married and keep things going as smooth as can be so that they can enjoy the wedding.
And of course, if the groom gets cold feet, you have to marry the bride.
And of course, if the bride gets cold feet, you have to marry the groom.*
*Assuming you’re in Massachusetts, Vermont, Connecticut. Or Canada. Or, in one form or another, much of Western Europe. Legal status of same-sex marriage - Wikipedia
Take the groom’s rented monkey suit back to the mall.
When picking it up, remind the groom to ensure he has the travel tickets and the passport for the honeymoon.
Really glad DH’s best man asked-we would have missed the plane.
Really, how many grooms are too drunk to make the ceremony? If he’s that afraid to get married maybe he SHOULD miss it.
I’ve done this job a few times; your job is to plan the stag and keep track of the rings. You may also be asked to keep track of a few checks for the band, DJ, minister, or what have you to be handed out at some discreet points. Unless your friend is the most colossal horse’s ass in the entire history of the world you will not have to worry about getting him there on time.
Your speech should be short. You can poke a little fun at the groom but no more than 2 such jokes and they should be good-natured.
Two more I can think of.
A) Sign the weddding license as one of the witnesses.
B) Hit on any unattached bridesmaid that looks lonely (although you can also delegate this to one or more groomsmen.)
No. No you can’t. A duty like that cannot be delegated. Unless your wife is in the ceremony, of course. No reason to be suicidal.
Besides, bridesmaids are easy. They feel so stupid-looking in those lime-green taffeta brides-maids gowns that a little flattery and attention will have said gowns hitting the floor before the happy couple get through their first dance!
One other important duty that hasn’t been mentioned – plan the escape route. Not that he’ll need it, but it’s better to have and not need than need and not have.
–Cliffy
And don’t forget that you and the groomsmen should arrange to kidnap the bride before the ceremony.