It’s a shame Esprix but I guess you’ve been through all the reasons already.
Right now Dr Boyfriend must be feeling like you told everyone except the person who mattered the most.
Too late to go back so now what ?
If you stay there will always be that insecurity that you will leave sometime anyway, when you go on holiday it will leave the question,
“Is he really coming back?”
I hope you can work this out between you.
While I feel free to post my opinions on anything on here, being relatively opinionated and never being afraid to share my opinions, I do hesitate to put anything too personal on the boards. Not only am I concerned about someone I know joining the boards, I’m concerned about revealing too much then meeting you folks in person!
I’m sorry to hear about you and Dr. Boyfriend, Esprix. I can totally understand why some people would prefer to keep their involvement with this place private. My husband knows my user name from reading over my shoulder, and I find that it sometimes inhibits me from saying everything that I want. Not that I have any secrets from him, but there have been times when we’ve had a disagreement and I really wanted to get some fresh perspective on things but held back for fear he’d read it. I’m sure he wouldn’t be mad, but the potential for misunderstanding is there.
[hijack]Esprix, there is a hotel called Esprix right outside of Frankfurt, Germany. Everytime I drive by, it makes me think of you :)[/hijack]
Oh, love, I am so sorry to hear the sad news.
Anything I post my hubby already knows about so no worries here.
Has Chef Troy seen this yet? I know that it has been something that is on his mind lately.
I wouldn’t say tell nobody. Or at least find a way to let one person know so that if something happens the rest of us will be aware.
If Amy wouldn’t have known about us then we would have never known what happened.
That is such a bummer, Esprix. I’m sorry.
And I guess reading my constant flirting with you didn’t help him see matters in an any more charitable light.
hug
Désolé.
Thanks for the kind words, everyone.
It was never a matter of him reading what I wrote - everything I wrote I was going to tell him anyway, just face-to-face - so it’s not like I forbid him to read it. It’s just that he’s a resident - who has time to surf the 'net, let alone for something as frivolous as the Straight Dope (well, frivolous to those who don’t understand ;))? So of course the one time he actually does have time, he figures he’ll go check out what all the fuss is about… {sigh}
Things are going badly. He was much, much more in love with me than I thought, and even a week apart didn’t help much. Half of him wants our friendship, half of him never wants to see me again because it hurts him too much.
Time had bloody well better heal this wound - I’m having a hard time dealing with the fact that I’m causing someone I love so much so much pain.
I’m a bad person.
Esprix
And what would make you a better person, Esprix? Spending the rest of your life with someone you aren’t really in love with, and slowly going crazy as you pile up one “what-might-have-been” on top of the other? Pshaw.
Yes, you probably screwed up in not airing your feelings sooner or better. But don’t let guilt over one mistake force you into making more mistakes. Do you love him? Do you want to spend the rest of your life with him? Would you be content following the path he wants the two of you to take? If you’re unsure, you’re better off trying to figure out what you are sure about and working from there, rather than letting guilt tie you down and into something you’ll just keep feeling unsure of.
Best of luck to ya, my man. Er… wom… no, um… aw, hell, you know what I mean.
Just checking in…Wow, Esprix, I really feel for you. Kricket is right in saying that I’ve had night sweats thinking about Mrs. Chef reading the things I’ve said in “Ask the closeted bisexual guy.” I’ve always consoled myself with the knowledge that it was highly unlikely she’d ever come to the SDMB, but your experience proves that “highly unlikely” does not equal “impossible.” Even so, I will probably continue to share with you folks as long as you show any interest, because – you see – I HAVE to talk about it with SOMEONE or I’ll burst.
still, perhaps it’s for the best that “ATCBG” has sunk like a stone since I stopped bumping it.
Matt_mcl, perhaps you should just flirt with me from now on to keep the heat off Esprix. He can treat it as coded messages to him, and I can delude myself that I’ve caught the eye of a sexy Canadian! grin
Hey, it was worth a shot.
What John Corrado said.
Esprix, you are not a bad person for not wanting what Dr. Boyfriend wants. If he were The One, you would have known it by now. It stinks that you are both in pain, and I wish good thoughts alone would help, but they don’t. I hope after the hurt heals, you two can still be friends. Hugs to both of you.
Ooooh, Esprix. I feel for ya, man.
Best of luck with the bridge repairs. Don’t operate heavy machinery while depressed.
Hey, it hadta happen sometime, and it did. Not in the greatest of ways, but it hadta happen.
Sending good thoughts your way - to both of you.
And you are NOT a bad person, by any stretch of the imagination.
Um, y’all don’t have to worry that I’m suddenly going to change my mind again - through it all (and I’ve been contemplating it all over again a lot) I have not suddenly decided to stay in Philadelphia. My decision is made, and I’m quite comfortable with it - it’s the right thing for me to do, even if I can’t adequately explain it. I’m just sad and depressed that the ramifications of that decision are causing so much pain to someone I care so much about.
Esprix
Esprix,
You aren’t a bad person.
I can guarantee you, if you were, you wouldn’t feel so bad.
I’m so sorry this happened, I hope the two of you can get through this soon. I think most of us have done or said something to hurt the people we love most, it sucks, but it’s part of the human condition. Much love to you both.
FYI (as if anyone really cares), I told Mom and Dad last night.
Dad says, “Yeah, make it quick, I got a light bulb to change.”
Mom says, “Well we figured you were going to… but don’t expect me to come visit!”
{sigh}
Still, I should be thankful there were no tears. I think they want me gone as much as I want to go! 
On the Dr. Boyfriend front, things go very poorly. I fear I may have lost my best friend.
{SIGH}
Esprix
I have two friends who were deeply involved, they’d been together 7 or so years, and he met someone else and decided to break it off. They went through a few hard months, but eventually they became close friends again.
Will this happen with you and Dr. Boyfriend? Maybe. Maybe not. Time and patience will tell.
But in my experience men are far more forgiving than women, and if she could forgive him, then there’s always hope for Dr. Boyfriend forgiving you.
BTW, your parents sound cool. No beration, no grief, just acceptance of your decision. That’s rare.
Quit beating yourself up, Esprix. I don’t consider airing your feelings to a somewhat anonymous board a betrayal of trust. Sometimes it’s good therapy to sort out your feelings before your present them. And what better therapists can you get there here on the SDMB? 
Yes, you no doubt hurt your boyfriend. But he was going to be hurt no matter how or when you told him. And, in the long run, you need to follow your heart, not his.
Best of luck in healing for both of you.
Bravo, PunditLisa!
For what it’s worth, Esprix, here’s my own experience in similar situations.
Back in my twenties I was in a number of relationships that ended because of work reassignments or even just because I got a little wanderlust. I soon learned that it was easier to just up and leave rather quickly, as opposed to telling the girlfriend a couple months in advance and then waiting for the date to arrive. In the latter case, the girlfriend was generally in a foul mood as the date got closer.
But I generally did the right thing and gave them as much advance warning as I could. On the other hand, I tended not to be so tolerant of those foul moods as time went on. My feeling was: It’s a fact of life that lovers move on for various reasons. Valid reasons. Show a little grace. We have a limited amount of time together–let’s make the most of it instead of making each other’s life hell.
The shoe was on the other foot a couple times too. Girlfriends moved on without me, and I always managed to keep it pleasant right up to the end. It hurt to see them go, but I wished them well and I didn’t want to make parting any harder than it had to be for them. (A couple girls did the same for me, and I remember them with love if only for that reason. In my eyes, that’s true class.)
No offense, but it sounds to me like your boyfriend is treating you to one hell of a guilt trip. Learning about your leaving from a message board was probably a little tough, but it was a faux pas at worst. Frankly, it sounds like he’s going out of his way to punish you for moving on without him.
You can’t always remain friends with an SO when you’re coming out of a relationship. Don’t let it get you down if the break-up didn’t go as planned. You wanted to minimize the pain as much as possible, but sometimes it’s just not under your control. Let your boyfriend know you love him, but let him do what he has to do. It’s not necessarily your responsibility to leave him smiling, and it’s not necessarily your fault if he takes it very badly.
You are not a bad person. By any stretch of the mind. All of your actions were taken with the explict reason to make the best possible things happen for you and Dr. Boyfriend. You never asked the board how best to hurt him. You thought very hard about how to make a hard thing as easy as possible. It didn’t work, and that doesn’t make you a bad person or even a poor planner. It makes you an inhabitant of Earth, ruled by Murphy. We all still love you, and he probably does too. He wouldn’t be as hurt as he is if he didn’t. Hugs for you and the good doctor.
I like “Tell Me on a Sunday” too. BTW.
“It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one’s mouth and remove all doubt.”
That said, sorry to hear about all the pain.
Sorry, but I’m missing your implication here…
Esprix
Esprix,
Sorry you are going through all this. If you’ve been following my several threads on breakup, you know I can relate. Man, can I relate. Causing a loved one pain is a living hell, even when done for the right reasons. Maybe we should form a club? The SDMB breakup club. Sorry, whistling in the graveyard. Good luck.