I know, it’s whiney, but hey, I feel entitled to whiney-ness at the moment.
Guest has come in for the weekend. Guest is a good friend met via online circles, and met face-to-face once or twice. Guest is also exceedingly confident, handsome, and a flirt of extraordinary magnitude. When guest is here, I retreat into my shell and watch the various females I hang out with treat him like a visiting ghod from planet stud. Bothers the hell outa me, not because of -him-, per se, but because of the knowledge that I will never, -ever-, be like that. I’m not good looking, I’m not confident, and I’m not a good flirter.
There. Venting helped a little. But is it wrong for me to look forward to him leaving?
You are good at being honest. Apparently you are self-aware. How long will he visit? I enjoy company for about two days. After that, I am looking forward to their departure.
I happen to know all the relevant facts here (don’t ask me how… there’s a perfectly simple, rational explanation but I can’t go into it just now).
First of all, it’s all an act. He’s actually a shy-as-hell incompetent floppy-dicked dimwit. He’s so in awe of you in every way that he feels the need to put on this big cool-as-God act to try and compensate for his myriad deficiences. So that’s the first thing to get straight.
Secondly, all this flirting… listen, I have surveillance tapes, solid documentation plus sworn testimony from most of the women concerned, and I can reveal that your friend has secretly bribed all of the women in question to pretend to like him while in your presence. It’s true. Some of them wouldn’t settle for less than $500, and his pathetic, whiny-assed pleading with them to make him look good in front of you was pretty nauseating to watch, I can tell you (I’ve seen the tapes). He obviously has no self-respect whatsoever. All of these woman actually think he’s a waste of scrotal sack, and if it weren’t for the hard cash they’d as soon chew a cactus as talk to him.
In point of fact, most of these women are secretly thinking “How do we get past this self-important, loud-mouthed show-off jerk to that interesting, intelligent, sensisitve Arrmatey guy over there?”. Your seeming unattainability is driving them wild, and most of them want to get their claws into you so bad they can’t sleep at night. There’s good evidence to suggest that at least three of the more attractive women to whom you refer are just waiting for Mr. Wonderful-In-His-Own-Mind to piss off so they can invite you round for a private lap-dancing show followed by a three-way Arrmatey sandwich. I have good evidence to back all this up.
Thanks. You guys are great. I just got back from spending time with the group in question, and I was seriously questioning my own worth until I read the responses. First smile I’ve had on my face all day. Y’guys are amazing. Nothing but love for y’all!
