My grandparents are in their 80s now and I haven’t talked to them in a few years. We used to be close. Up until I was around 12 (I’m 31 now) I would say we were very close. At that time, they were young enough to take me out and do fun things, but also, I was young enough to not be offensive to them.
I’m always kept up-to-date on my grandparents by my mom, who I am extremely close to, and I know they’re kept up-to-date on me. So we aren’t strangers. But they are getting very old and won’t be around forever, and yet I feel (and I am correct to feel) that they have never been supportive to me. I won’t even say some of the things because I don’t like to talk about them (I’m not saying they’re heinous, but just things that are hurtful to me to bring up…it’s completely typical stuff from their generation).
They’re the ones who are wrong here. They will never accept that. So what do I do? Keep in mind these are not small things, like my grandparents have always been racist and my daughter is biracial. But they aren’t hateful. We can visit them and be the second-class citizens if we want and we’ll get hugs just like everyone else. Or we can do nothing and I can be the asshole who refused to see them. And eventually they will die and I will probably die of guilt.