Shitboy, my beloved EX, has parents, they live 20 minutes away. They (well, she anyway) stayed fairly close to the kids after he and I split. She even sat for the little one last spring when he was sick so I didnt miss work.
Shitboy hasnt paid a nickle since March, he moved across country to ‘start a new life’ which appears to have nothing to do with his kids. (The courts are searching for him, but I am not holding my breath - he is well hidden)
Despite the fact he was months behind in court ordered support payments, I let him and his girlfriend take the boys for a weekend in early May. He had brought his gf to meet his parents, later they told the kids they were getting married. I was cool with the visit, she was wonderful, I really liked her, we got on just fine. I had prepped the kids so they shought she was great before they even met her - nice of me if I do say so myself!
They took the boys (then ages 4.5 and 9) camping with Mr & Mrs Shitboy.
It was a disaster.
The 9yr old got moody after the first night, and wanted to go to bed for a nap - they wouldnt let him. Saying he wouldnt sleep that night, and they wanted to go to a dance at the campground, so they needed him asleep for the sitter (WTF???) SO they finally called me and brought my oldest home, refusing to give back the youngest till the next day. They were really mean to my 9yr old. Telling him the older he gets the worse he acts, telling him he was ‘banned’ from their campground (they DONT own it!!) and to “take a good look around boy, you will never be back!”
My son was reallly upset. He hadnt seen his dad in 6 months, and then he hears he is getting married - of course he is going to be moody!!!
Anyway, to her credit, Ted said the girlfriend was nice to him, and not mean to him at all. The meanness came from the grandparents.
In essence, they told ted he wasnt wanted, but that his easygoing brother was. Heartbreaking. I tried to get my youngest back at the same time, and they flatly refused. To be honest, I was scared they wouldnt give him back at all.
Fast forward to september. its the 6th, my youngest son’s birthday…
They have not heard a word from either their father, or their grandparents since the weekend in May. Not one word. They miss his birthday.
Three weeks later Mrs Shitboy shows up at my door uninvited, without calling , with a ‘gift’ for Frankie, Shitboys sister (we hate each other, but she has always treated the boys ok) sent a gift for BOTH boys, mrs shitboy did not.
I say ‘gift’ because it was cheap (they have tons of money), unwrapped, 3 weeks late and stunk like cigarette smmoke. They gave him pants and a squirt gun. It was a day or so before October - it was DAMN cold out too, and they gave him a squirtgun???
These people are backward, they still use the n word for black people like they are discussing the weather: “oh its snowing, look there goes a nigger”
Shitboy has still not contacted the kids, its been almost 7 months. He owes me about $3500 in back child support, so I doubt they will ever hear from him again.
After her impromptu visit, the kids were all messed up. Frankie started to stutter and ask for his father again (hadnt done it in months) Ted was just mad, he is still hurt and cant properly express it.
I dont want her to ruin Christmas. I cringe when the doorbell rings, I yell “Dont answer it!” when the phone rings…
I cant handle the pitiful questions from a 5 year old who misses his Daddy. If she shows up again, I will hear about him for months, Frankie will be all sad and stuff again, Ted will just be angry.
What do I do?
I cant call this woman, I just cant.
I have considered writing a carefully worded note, telling her to refrain from visiting or phoning, but I am torn…
Should I cut them off?
They are not adding anything of value to my kids lives, only pain.
I dont want to piss them off either.
Can I get some feedback?
You guys are good for feedback…