The belt and pad…kind of looked like sumo-wrestler garb on me. I wore it exactly once and went with the beloved tampon. I never looked back.
We’ve always just called it “the period” or, “my/her time.” My 9 year old daughter already knows all about it, and here’s why.
I was 8. EIGHT. Grandma hadn’t talked to me about it yet, cause neither her or mom started til they were 16. Opposite ends of the spectrum here. But I woke up one morning, and started screaming at the top of my lungs: “GRANNY! I’m BLEEDING TO DEATH! AAAAAAHHHH!”
She came running into my bedroom, took one look, and said, “Oh, my God. Already?” After calming me down and explaining that no, I wasn’t actually dying, she looked and she had no pads. She yelled to my grandpa: “SHERMAN! Can you run to the store and get some pads?” He yelled back, “What, already?”
For a family that was totally unprepared for this, they sure had a casual attitude about the whole thing. I, however, just recovered from bleeding to death. 
College roommate referred to it as “Wearing the crown.” He said there was some feminine product out there with a crown on the box. To this day, I don’t know what product that would be. Not that I researched it or scrutinized the feminine hygiene section or anything, but I think he was yanking my chain.
OMG, you ladies are making me laugh so hard I’m choking back tears here.
Ahhhhh, childhood memories.
What about Always’ recent campaign? If they hadn’t had the best maxipad on the market, I would have boycotted them for that “Have A Happy Period” bull. Seriously. That’s the last thing I want to see emblazoned on the sticky paper when I’m cramping in the bathroom. Whoever came up with that should be made to menstruate for the rest of her life.
And if it was a dude that came up with it, he should be made to have a kid. Himself.
I hate that 'Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday every dayyyyyyyyy" commercial for birth control. I’m 49, my partner had a vasectomy 20 years ago and the last thing I need is birth control but that song gets stuck in my head for hours.
“It’s Wednesday” or similar is the standard thing to say among my friends and I, who all happen to have an overnight Tuesday/early Wednesday start to our periods because of the birth control we’re on.
I think it would be really upsetting to go through that without knowing what it was. I think there’s a scene like that in My Girl, isn’t there? (Which I had already read by that point, fortunately.) I got ‘‘the talk’’ when I was 6 or 7, because there was a ‘‘Very Special Blossom’’ episode where she gets her period.
To be fair, the actual timing of getting my period was not all sunshine and roses. I was on vacation with my grandparents, eating in a restaurant. So I wasn’t dealing with Mom, I was dealing with Grandma and Grandpa in a public place. She took me into a bathroom stall and made me wipe to confirm. Yeah, good times. They used to make me eat everything I ordered in a restaurant but they made an exception that day. And my aunt (who was probably about 13 or 14 at the time) teased me mercilessly (but I was still kinda proud.)
At our house (just me and Oni no Husband) we’ve just always called it my Cycle. “I’m sorry I yelled at you last night, hun. I just started my Cycle this morning and that must be why I overreacted.”
This eventually became The MaggieCycle! Which we visualize as an exceptionally loud motorcycle (the vrooming of which can often be heard from a couple days prior). If I’m at work when I start, I will usually text him with “VROOOMMMM!!!” so he knows he’s not gonna get any PIV for a couple days.
Actually, the Maggie-Cycle kinda looks like this.
You don’t know how afraid I was to click that link, but that was friggin’ hilarious! Absolutely perfect!
The euphemism we use the most is the Onion one, It’s that ‘‘time of the month’’ where I’m ‘‘not at my best’’ because my ‘‘vagina is bleeding.’’
And I’ve got this male friend who is bizarrely fascinated by menstruation (to be fair, he’s a biologist) and once asked, ‘‘So is it like the elevator scene in The Shining?’’
So sometimes when I’m PMSing my husband will say, ‘‘That’s funny. The blood usually gets off at the first floor.’’ (from the Simpsons parody of The Shining.)
Not as funny as some in this thread, but I’ve taken a fondness to the perhaps overly New Agey “Moontime” as my menstruation euphemism. It sounds kind of nice and a little romantic and mysterious, and of course it emphasizes the cyclical and perfectly natural aspects of it.
Wasn’t there some idiot Senator a few years back arguing against women in combat by talking aboout their monthly “infections”?
Awww, you beat me to it. I also use “Moon Time” and even use it to mark my calendar when it starts.
Of course I’ve also been known to use “MY UTERUS HURTS!” on the second day…
Yo, Mini-Marli. Don’t be scared… you could be one of the lucky ones whose periods are no worse than having to wear pads or tampons for a few days. Just remember to have some extra pads… and it is a good idea to mark them on your calendar and keep track of them.
And your athletic abilities may improve, even!
Red tide is another euphamism that is used.
“Aunt Flo is visiting” or “my monthly visitor” is here are a a couple others that are used around here. Usually, though, I simply say “I’m on my period”.
Shark Week, mentioned upthread, has become the term of choice among a select group of my friends.
Outside of that group, I typically don’t refer to it at all, so I can’t think of other terms I use.
An ex-girlfriend called it “facing the Red Baron”.
I hate that stupid commercial. Is it really that hard to take a pill everyday? (The answer would be NO, since I’ve done it and I’m super lazy)
Especially when the alternative seems to be a method of birth control that can be dislodged by having a bowel movement? I’ll take the pills, thanks.