Euphemisms for poo and the act of pooping

My favorite euphemisms for fecal matter, from the unquestioned masters of all things scatological:

  • Grogan: the basic turd
  • Brown Trout: specifically one that is interacting with plumbing or sewers. Often tapered at one end and wide at the other.
  • Dirtsnake: a particularly long, sinuous one
  • Fecolith: large and devoid of moisture; usually painful
  • Scatberg: Floating with 10% above the surface by volume. A hazard to maritime traffic.
  • Scatman: A particularly ugly and anthropomorphic one.
  • Della Reese: As above, but larger, with prominent bulges causing one to holler incoherently, and not necessarily melodically.

ROFLMAO

Oh man, those are great! I just remembered some more:
Snake Race- When you look down and see many skinny, curved turds collected at the bottom of the bowl. For some reason they usually are a weird orangish color.

Ass Vomit, Poop Soup- Diarrhea, of course

The Scotsman uses “Pebbledashing the bowl” and “Skitters” for diarrhea. I think they’re British terms, and not unique to just him.

Just want to point you at this thread of poo synonyms.

Sank you, dahling. Excellent list!

At the risk of turning this into a political thread, I have to mention my all time favorite piece of bathroom graffiti.

Here I sit, buns a flexin’
Givin’ birth to another Texan.

Negotiating the release of the chocolate hostage.

“Excuse me, I have to take the Browns to the Superbowl”

Honk out a dirtsnake
Pinch a loaf (or if you’re feeling continental Pinch a Baguette)
Bombing China
Laying cable
Press an Avril Lavigne CD

Whoa, I like that concept. Let’s see if it can be regionally adapted in time for football season:

I groan, and strain
and then, let fly
and Behold! create
a new Buckeye

So, let’s see, what rhymes with Badger?

If you are interested in poo, these three threads are classics.

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=150992&highlight=deer

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=80957&highlight=prehensile+rectum

My husband and I picked this one up from an otherwise forgotten book we both read: Grumpy, as in, “I have to take a grumpy.”

My favorite is “pushing brown”. As in “I have to go push some brown”, or “there I was, pushing brown, when a car drove through the bathroom wall.”

“What can Brown do for you?”

My own euphemism for the act is “morning constitutional.”

I am on a very regular schedule. As long as I’m not travelling, I defecate quite reliably every morning after my first cup of coffee…

So, I’ll grab my second cup, tuck a newspaper under my arm, and declare that it’s “time for my morning constitutional.”

Unfortunately, my morning constitutional sometimes asserts itself at inconvenient moments, like when I’m late for work and drink my first cup of coffee in the car. :eek:

When I was first dating my husband (19 years ago), he introduced my younger siblings (ages 4-14) to the phrase “breaking off a piece.” Siblings were delighted with the new saying, mother was completely grossed out and forbade its use. (I still think it’s funny, myself.)

But boy, was it hilarious to all of us when Kit Kat began the “break me off a piece of that Kit Kat bar” ads!

I’ve also been known to say I needed to “shake a tit.” And of course, there were the standards–lay cable, coil up a rope, pinch a loaf, etc.

One of my favorite dumb jokes is about turds–why are they tapered at both ends?

To keep your butthole from slamming shut.

One I almost forgot!! It seems that whenever I and my family try to chat online, our bowels cramp in reaction. This is so common to us that we simply refer to it as “the malady.” And it’s not like the usual need to poop. This is “gotta go NOW, move, move, MOVE, before I mess myself!”

Because this affliction was first apparent in our mother, we sisters have also been known to call it “our inheritance.”

What a shitty thread.

Oh.

“Have a strain”
“Unleash a load of fury”
“Meatloaf”

And a score of “10” in the poo category is when one turd goes around the perimeter of the bowl and you come clean with one wipe. Points deducted if it’s a bowl clogger.

Ok, this one made me realize something. I’m in love with lieu, and I want to bear his children.

We used to have a shit-eating greyhound named Bunny. Since then, all cat-turds are Bunny Munchies.

Also, when my brother and I were little, we referred to those things as “stinkies”. The use of the word stinky as a noun still causes me to giggle uncontrollably!

Excuse me while I go recaulk the shitter.

I say this sometimes, although the correct usage is “I have to pump a grumpy”

Don’t know where I picked it up but i’ve used it for years.

My grandfather referred to the act as grunting, particularly when applied to animals. For example, upon one’s return from walking the dog, he’d ask: “Did he grunt?”

Grunt also referred to the poop itself, as in “that’s a big pile of grunt!” or “don’t step in the grunt”