Let’s say there’s a person you were really fond of, crushing on, all that jazz. You make your feelings known and they reject you, saying they’re just not looking for a relationship right now.
They then proceed to date one or more people over an extended amount of time. Casual hookups, serious relationships, whatever, all the while maintaining a friendship with you.
Then, one day they happen to be single again and are now toying with the idea of dating you. If this has ever happened to you, did you accept their offer or reject them?
Hypothetically, would you jump on the (belated) opportunity, or decide that it was too late and return the rejection?
Would you, or have you ever settled for being someone’s silver medal?
Depends. If they really didn’t want to be in a relationship the first time due to say, having just gone through a messy breakup, I would be OK with it, maybe.
But in most cases, I’d think the person just wasn’t that into me in the first place and would pass. I wouldn’t waste time on that sort of thing. You’d spend the entire relationship wondering.
Happened to me- I was crushing on a girl that was a friend of our group, and my buddy had dated her in college. A couple years later we all still hung around and I made my interest known and she shot me down- I forget what the reason was, but pretty sure it was just that she wasn’t interested in me “in that way”. She dated other people, and I did too.
About a year later, she put on the full court press for me. I was still interested enough (and single at the time) due to the fact that she was cute and perky and had a killer body, so my pride took a backseat to my libido. We had lots of fun for a few months, realized we weren’t much interested in each other for much out of the bedroom, and it just sort of ended suddenly. I don’t think either of us were too disappointed that it ended. I also think that we both went into it with no delusions about it being anything other than fun for a while and lots of sex.
Heh well I tried to get in to a relationship with somebody that previously rejected me who was toying with the idea who subsequently rejected me. That was… amusing is not really the word I’d use.
I’m also toying with the idea of getting BACK together with somebody I previously dated, though that’s not strictly within the OP, but helps answer the question.
Basically, yes, assuming the offer was genuine, and there is some reason to believe there is a different situation (age, life position, maturity, distance) that would allow a second chance to be sufficiently different from a first chance or even a lost first chance.
Well, perhaps not quite the same as the OP, but let me tell you a story.
Once upon a time there a boy named Jody* who was the light of my life. The fact that he was 6 years older than I never made any difference to me. I adored him. He was older, so automatically cool and a drummer, so even better. Because I was literally way too young (as in 12), he turned me down at every stage.
Fast forward a few years, I am 17 and working at the local fast food joint. Jody recognises me and says “oh my gods, you’re gorgeous and not so much jailbait, wanna go out?” Of course I did. We went out. We had good conversation, and he was still quite gorgeous and interesting. The sex was meh, though. So I pretty much stopped answering his calls. Was it worth it to finally have closure? I donno, maybe. Maybe not. I did learn a valuable lesson – deer like to watch humans hump.
As far as the OP – well, it depends on the person. to be perfectly honest, I have never been rejected, so I don’t know how I would react to it. I would say that sometimes, at least in my personal experience, when a person says they are simply not looking for a relationship, it is the case. I have had a few guys who asked me out and in whom I wasn’t interested at the time (mostly because I am a bitch and never wanted to hurt them or be in a situation where they would get hurt because of me) but later, with a little maturity went out with them. Things worked out well, for the most part in those cases. I never viewed them as “silver medals.”
It leaves me thinking that both parties involved do not have the same level of interest or commitment to the relationship. Which means the person that was previously rejected most likely has a big huge broken heart waiting for him/her not far down the line.
So I’ll take the “You snooze, you lose.” philosophy.
I was 20…and there was this woman I was really attracted to. She probably was pretty attractive…but I found her hot. I guess she fit my ideal ‘look’ or something.
Of course, she didn’t feel the same. She turned me down that was not completely malicious…but in a way that made it clear that I had no business asking her out and such thoughts shouldn’t have even entered my mind…that I was so beneath her. (no, I am not projecting doubts - that was pretty much the gist). OK, I guess it was pretty malicious. Hey…I guess I don’t blame her per se. She was flying high…on top of the world and couldn’t lower herself to a geek like me.
In a great example of Karma, I was back in my home town 12-13 years later. I had entered teaching, then left it and was rising pretty good in my post-teaching career. I was feeling on top of the world and actually had disposable income for the first time in my life…etc. I met the above woman again.
She was same age as me, had entered teaching herself and had failed at it. She had 2 kids out of wedlock and was working as a waitress in a local, greasy-spoon type restaurant. She had put on some weight but, for the same reason, I still found something about her looks as attractive. Not nearly as much…but it was still there.
I tried for a bit, but just couldn’t get past the fact that when SHE was on top of the world she treated me like shit. While I wanted to like her and did feel sorry for her life situation and probably could have really liked her, I just didn’t feel she was worth the trouble. Someone else I really liked…sure! Someone who treated me so poor in the past…well tough. The ‘break-up’…even after only a few months was emotional on her part.
Sorry Brenda…Karma is a biatch.
So, back to the OP…depends on how she handled the rejection.