I had a dream one night that someone had tied my legs together at the ankles. I woke up and one of our neutered male cats was humping my feet. We don’t leave the bedroom door open at night anymore.
I once examined a cockatiel that was brought in by a woman with several young children. She wasn’t the brightest bulb on the tree. She described what the bird was doing, and I told her the bird was masterbating. Her reply was, “Huh?”. Her 8 year old son said, “He’s beating off mom”. Then she understood.
There was a girl in my veterinary school class who got slapped across the face hard by an erect horse penis. Left an ugly red welt. She was assisting with an equine artificial insemination when the stallion’s salami swung sideways. (by the sea shore).