When did I say I “never” get empathy? BTW I cry during some movies - I think that involves empathizing with the characters. I think I have empathy with real-life people too sometimes.
There’s a difference between empathy and sentimentality.
“Empathy is the capacity to recognize emotions that are being experienced by another sentient or fictional being.”
“the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another.”
Anyway I disagree that I “never” get empathy.
I think it would be hard to be happily married for over a year to a woman who is somewhat emotional (not cold) without ever having empathy.
I’ve been laughing hysterically for a little over a minute thanks to this post.
I used to have a lot of problems with empathy though.
Your love is one in a million
You couldn’t buy it at any price
But of the 9.999 hundred thousand other loves
Statistically, some of them would be equally nice
Or maybe not as nice but, say, smarter than you
Or dumber but better at sport or tracing*
- Tim Minchin
(If I Didn’t Have You )
I find them highly entertaining. Probably not for any reasons he intended though.
What puzzles me is why the op thinks he has empathy. How can a person post on a public site what his wife or SO said that was so personal and private? If she knew it was here in b&w, she would curl up into a little ball and dissolve in the grief of betrayal.
No-one I know in real life knows about my posts here. Me posting anonymously here, with a fake name isn’t hurting their feelings. If I in fact had no empathy then I would tell them all about it. And I’m not going to do that.
BTW yesterday my wife told me that her friend’s husband was abusing her friend saying she was a bitch that will never find a job, etc. My wife said that it is good I don’t say things like that to her. I said I’d only say that if I wanted her to hate me. (e.g. if I was feeling suicidal and wanted to sever all ties with everyone) She’d forgive me if I abused her a bit but I don’t try anyway - maybe I have some empathy. I asked my wife why she sometimes calls me a d***head though and she later said she was joking or something.
JohnClay, I think you would tell someone about the post if you were mean or hated your wife. To me, empathy means not doing something if your loved one would not be happy with it, even if they would never find out. It means you can put yourself in her position and experience a bit of the feelings she would feel.
For example, I don’t believe a truly empathetic person in a committed relationship would have an affair, even if they were sure the other person would never know.
I disagree - I think empathy involves feeling bad and perhaps guilty - not necessarily avoiding something. e.g. My decision not to be a Christian wasn’t ultimately based on other people’s happiness even though I know a large number of people who express their unhappiness with that.
Yes but it doesn’t necessarily mean not doing something in secret.
Apparently about 50% of people in relationships cheat. My wife tells me she’d never cheat and I wouldn’t either. But we were talking about having empathy vs no empathy. I’m saying I have some empathy not necessarily being “truly empathetic”.
We have instructed JohnClay to refrain from all posting on his relationship with his wife, including, but not limited to, sex through July 1, 2014. To help him comply with this instruction, I am closing this thread.
twickster, MPSIMS moderator