Ever known somebody who was in love, long-term, with someone else, and never told them?

Tho “love” might be too strong a term-maybe “hung up on” might apply better.

In any event, be it from shyness, insecurity, and/or lack of opportunity (one or both of the principals always involved with someone else), they never bother to tell the other person.

Just curious if you have ever heard of such a thing…

Severus Snape.

I’ve heard of it, mostly in really overwrought fiction.

To my knowledge, I’ve never met anyone who claimed/admitted to it in real life.

Heck yeah. A good number of cases.

Hell, I’ve been in love with someone, and never told them. (When she got married, I played Mahler’s “Songs of a Wayfarer” – and then got over it! We’re good friends to this day, and I don’t know if she ever figured it out or not.)

My roommate had the same feelings…for the same woman! We’d laugh about it, since we both knew we didn’t have a chance. At least that meant we weren’t rivals!

My roomie and I are (were, as he’s passed away) members of the Society of Ugly Men. We tend to worship beauty from afar.

Yeah, know a few.

My best friend. She had a huge crush on this kid down the street all through elementary, jr high, and HS. I think the guy knew. I sure did. Neither one of them had a gf or bf that entire time. I think both just too shy.

Strangely enough, he and his wife & kids bought and live in the house that I lived in. How wired is that! One of his kids is in my room!

Heck yeah. Me, for a start - as an angsty teenager, had a huge massive crush on a classmate for years and years. I finally got around to telling her in my early 20s, when we’d become really good friends. She put me out of my misery in the kindest possible way, but also made it clear that there was no chance at all. She’s still one of my best friends, though, so good things did result.

A very close friend of mine has been carrying a torch for a friend of his who is married, and has been for a while. I don’t think he ever expects anything to come of it, and I don’t think he’s ever told her, because what would be the point?

Yes, I have heard of such a thing, and know of a couple people like that.

I found out my wife was in love with just about every guy she went to high school with and didn’t tell them for 20 years.

Yep, me. Must be going on thirty years now. I haven’t seen him since '85 or '86. Someone else told him and I denied it. I was really sick, and trying to keep people at arms length in general. I don’t regret the decision, it was the right one at the time. I just wish the opportunity had come up to take it back.

I’d probably chicken out though.

You can’t be in love with someone who doesn’t love you back. One-sided love isn’t love at all, it’s infatuation. Sometimes, in order not to be a dick, you have to keep your infatuations to yourself. If the object of your infatuation is not in a committed relationship, you’re doing yourself a disservice by not making your feelings known.

On the other hand, bluntly telling someone you’re attracted to, or infatuated with, that you want to bone them when you know they’re in a committed relationship is a Class A dick move, in my opinion. You can flirt and even put it out there in more direct terms like “your boyfriend is a lucky guy.” But to put it in succinctly direct terms like “I love you and want to be with you” with someone you know to be already romantically involved is extremely dickish behavior, in my opinion.

So, for small values of love, yes. I know people who have been afflicted. I’ve been there myself.

Before I met my partner, I had one-sided affairs an average of every 5 years. In spite of a very busy sex life, I only connected with one of them. It didn’t end well.

I differ with this interpretation of the word. I believe one can, in fact, perfectly well love someone who doesn’t love them back.

Not interested in a highjack; just stating a belief here. (“He’s called ‘Da Vinci’ dammit!”)

Of course you can. Love is incredibly personal. It can also be incredibly selfish and immune to outside influences.

To some extent I agree with this. Mature love only comes from developing the complex, carefully crafted and negotiated series of compromises and improvements that happen as a result of sharing your life with a true partner. Who a person becomes in your memory and daydreams can easily end up being someone who never existed.

That being said, loving him has made me a better and a stronger person. It’s kept my heart alive through some pretty evil betrayals, and helped me make the right decisions even when it seemed ridiculously hard to do so.

So, yeah, I am in love with the ideal of him that I formed 30 years ago; of course that’s true. I disagree with your conclusion that it is therefore “infatuation.” Maybe there’s a better word than “love” but infatuation ain’t it.

In my head “in love” requires two people, but I can “love” anybody I want, and it’s none of their business unless I choose to tell them. :wink:

In the early years of puberty I think this was the norm for a lot of boys and girls. I have known a few women in my life that for one reason or another expressing feelings for them would have been inappropriate so I didn’t do it. I don’t think it is always ok to tell someone how we feel.