I seem to be the only one out of anyone I’ve ever met that has gotten an ex-lover back. He was my high school sweetheart, and we met when I was a sophomore and he was a senior. We broke up the summer before college, and all summer we had feelings for one another, but he was convinced that we wouldn’t be able to get it to work. He went off and we started to fight a lot, and around Halloween he cut off communication rather brusquely. I guess he was really serious about not wanting to talk to me, because we didn’t until May. When he came back for summer the next year, we fell in love again. So, my question…has anyone else ever won back an ex that was (seemingly) dead-set against going back out again?
No. And for good reason. I had a similar situaltion when I was in college. I could not get away from the same girl I had dated in High School. We would hook up everytime I came home from college - she went to a school in our home town - and then I thought I wanted to live wiht her.
Bad Idea.
Very Bad idea.
There is a wonderful thing out there for young people, it’s called dating. Had I actually stayed living with her I would have ruined my chances of meeting my current wife. This was over ten years ago and I would highly recommend to you to not persue this guy.
Wouldn’t you rather a man who wants to love everything about you? I’d say go and have some safe fun. Go out and date and have a good time.
The most difficult thing to do after highschool is break your romantic norms and see what else is out in the ocean… And the last thing you every want to hear is move on or find someone else, but breaking the highschool mentality of love and romance, can be the hardest thing to ever do. In fact I would venture to say most people can’t do it.
Furthermore - after rereading the OP.
Why would you want anyone who is dead set against being with you?
I am an instructor at a local college. I will say with some modicum of truth, that one of the biggest problems for freshman entering college is getting away from that last summer with your highschool sweet-heart. And 9 times out of 10 there is some form of arrangement between two people that they will not dat eother people when they get to college, or some other such agreement. And I think that is terribly limiting and unfair for both parties…
Yes,
And now he’s my ex husband.
May you have better luck.
Yes.
Double the trouble.
Won’t do that again.
Well actually, this was a few years ago. I’m 19, we go to the same college now and have been happily dating for over 3 years. He was dead-set against dating me because he (at the time) was admittedly not mature enough to handle a relationship, especially a long-distance one, and tried for a very long time to “hate” me in order to get over me. The attitude caused by that made me get angry at him at times, which triggered the fights that culminated in us not talking for months. We had stopped dating long before he even entered college, and over the summer we found that we had grown enough to carry out a long-distance relationship. So far, its lasted. Phlosphr, I think the lack of freedom to try his hand at college dating was one of the things that deterred him from a long-distance relationship. I observe that 9 out of 10 of such relationships fail in freshman year, so perhaps it was for the better.
Yes. For a little while.
We broke up when he (jerk) decided he prefered someone else. Later, he decided that he wanted me back. I was very young and not really secure enough to realize, at the time, that someone that fickle wasn’t what I needed.
We split up shortly after getting back together. I just couldn’t feel the same way about him. I never trusted him not to break my heart again the second someone seemingly better came along. I didn’t like the person I was becoming while dating him (very paranoid, very insecure, very needy). Moreover, I realized I didn’t really like him anymore. I just liked the sense that I’d “won.” Which was plain silly.
So I called it off.
What was for the better?
Not something most people find attractive. If you are 19 now and have been happily dating for three years, that means all this took place when you were 16… and he was what, 19?
The time line doesn’t seem to work if you said you have been happily dating for over three years now??? I don’t really know what to say but the statistics are against you.
And beating the odds is a poor binder for a relationship. Had I ever went through a phase with my wife where she tried to hate me to get over me…I say it was destined to fail.
Good luck vixen.
That we didn’t continue dating straight from high school into his frosh year of college. It might have been too much for us to handle, and we may never have gotten back together. We both were quite immature in our h.s. relationship , and I think the time apart helped us grow up. I know it helped me.
Only 19 for about 2 months. He was 18 during most of this. And when he started acting like that, I stopped talking to him as much. It definitely made me mad, and was one of the things that triggered the chain reaction that caused us not to speak for a while.
Well, we began dating when I was 15. We stopped talking a few months after I had turned 16, and got back together that summer (about a month away from being 17). I’m now 19, turning 20 this summer. All in all, about 3 years. Thanks for your well wishes, Phlosphr.
I did, twice (with the same guy), both times shortly after we had broken up. I never did understand why he broke up with me (although I strongly suspect that it had at least something to do with some psycho-pharmaceuticals that he was prescribed, but for some reason refused to take). In hindsight, it probably wouldn’t have worked out in the long run, for a variety of reasons, but I always felt, especially the first time we broke up, that we weren’t “done” yet.
He’s now about to marry someone else, whom he met rather insanely shortly after we broke up. I bear him no ill will, but I haven’t made up my mind whether getting back together was a good idea; it was probably just prolonging the inevitable.
OTOH, my grandparents dated for a while in high school and then broke up (I get a different story every time I ask why, but family consensus is that my grandmother wouldn’t “put out”). They got back together a year or so later, and have now been very happily married for 64 years! They are my role models for a happy and successful partnership.
Hmmm, when I took my ex back after she cheated on me, I’d say I didn’t win anything at all, though I did lose my self-respect, my sanity, and a year of my life.
I can not imagine getting back together with any one of my exes. They became exes for a reason. Some are great friends, others are not, and none of them are people I would want to date again.
Plus, my husband would get mad.
Crikey, no. The world at large has full permission to shoot me if I ever thought it was a good idea to try.
Not for a romantic relationship. With all of them we had broken up for a good reason, good for one or the other or both.
I did once when I was very young. A complete mistake. When you break it off with someone, show a little respect and do it soundly. Put the puppy to rest.
Yep. I met her in college. Though we lived 600 miles from each other we had an intense relationship. Then, one year later, we broke up. We both got involved with other people, and though we talked from time to time never really got close. Then I visited her 3 years after we broke up. The next year after a minor disaster (AmTrak killed my hamster, a long story) I called her. We started talking, I invited her to come and help me move from Illinois to Louisiana, we got engaged, and we’ve been married for 25 years this May.
Sometimes someone looks better as you get more mature.
Well, I myself am currently with my ex, although she’s only kinda my ex, because we were broke up for about a week. She was a little unsure of the relationship, if it was something that had potential to be a long term one, so she stepped back to look at it, and said she couldn’t do that while in the relationship. So we “went on a break”, and then she officially broke it off, only to come back a week alter saying she did think it could be long term, and that she was in love with me. Going against all logic I took her back, and we have only been happier in the relationship. That was three moths ago, and we have been together for a year, exactly to the day, actually.
I think I am the exception to the rule, though, as most times I see it happen it never works out, and it ends usually quicker than it ended the first time.