It seems like every day, we have to offer tithe to the invisible forces that screw up things. For example: When I am seated comfortably, and my wife cannot find a common item that is around the house, she will never be able to find it, unless I drag my weary butt out of my chair; in which case, she will suddenly find it. It’s never failed.
So what “magic spells” do you invoke on a regular basis?
When I put dinner on the table, the phone rings.
Stand in an empty room* and emit a burst of vile flatulence. Within seconds, a number of people including family, friends & coworkers will enter the room to enjoy your company. If the odor is especially incindiary, your boss may also enter the room accompanied by visiting foreign dignitaries. Your pastor and/or parole officer may also be conjured up by this powerful spell.
*Works especially well in an elevator.
I don’t reboot a PC I’ve worked on with the lid on.
I have found that spending money to replace something I’ve lost will cause the item to reappear. The more money it costs to replace, the sooner I find the original item after I’ve replaced it.
Immediately after I eat a filling, wholesome, healthy, but usually boring (salad) meal, my boss will decide he should take everyone out to lunch to imporve morale–and they always go to my favorite resturant.
After anyone insists that a command or password doesn’t work, all that is necessary is for someone else to either type the command/password, or sometimes just stand there and watch, and it will work.
I am invaluable to the thrifty inhabitants of whichever region I am as I can buy any item (cost regardless) and immediately force every other store in the locality to drop their price for the exact same item by a considerable percentage (or have a sale on that item).
Shoppers be advised: Follow me on a shopping trip and avoid all the stores I buy anything in. Oh and please dont forget to reassure me of teh validity of the theory by immediatly telling me “oh really…I got one of those at XXXMart for
£ Your Price - considerable amount.” I just love that.
Right now I’ve got some sort of minor miracle going on with my propane tank. I live in a semi-rural area so I use propane for hot water and heat. For the last week the gauge has read less than 1%. Due to circumstances beyond my control, I won’t be able to buy any more propane until next Friday. What should be enough gas for 1-2 days has lasted 4x that so far. Sort of a hillbilly chanukah.
Hey I’ll pray to whatever god that works.
please, I am not antisemimantic-- I can’t even spell that word
Hey, wouldn’t “Hillbilly Chanukah” make a great name for a band?
I have two cantrips that work for me. The first is a hiccup cure: When someone around me is afflicted, I hold up two one-dollar bills right after they hiccup and say, “If you can do that again, I’ll give you two dollars.” Then I look at them expectantly and wave the money back and forth. almost 99 percent of the time, as soon as they start trying to ENCOURAGE the next hiccup, it gets sulky and hides. I’ve found that an offer of less than $2 won’t work, though, and you have to be prepared to really give them the money if the cure fails, or the spell will be broken and it will never work on that person again.
The other one is a magic phrase. When something bad is looming, or my SO is worried about something happening, I say to her, “Okay, I’ll say the words: everything is going to be fine.” I have found that when I utter that phrase, it never fails to come to pass. I try not to overuse it.
Is it true that the Pentagon forbids any officer to say “The troops will be home by Christmas”? 
Organise a date and on the morning of it the first pimple/zit in months will appear on the face.
Actually this is a quasi-scientific principle know as “The Curse Of The Black Jelly Bean.” Whenever you tempt fate verbally - and offhandedly - it will bite back.
Oh that’ll never happen… <— one of the key invocation phrases
Every time I open my kitchen window, my neighbor starts to “warm up” his car for 3 full minutes (never more, never less, warm weather or no) just outside it, filling the room with fumes if I don’t catch it in time.
At first I thought it was coincidence, then more than coinsidence, like he had an alarm attached to my window so he would know when to start his car.
Now you say it’s magic and I think that is so. My window is hexed.
Is there a way to prove this, I wonder? And a counter-spell to undo the hex?
While I could probably explain it by saying stress lowers my body’s natural immunity, whenever I have a big exam, or am training for a new job, I will get sick.
I used to have one about my car breaking either immediately preceading a road trip or (and this wasn’t fun) DURING the road trip, that was taken care of by scraping said car and going into debt. Ah, debt. But you’ll all be pleased to know I broke one spell, usually I decide to buy a big ticket item, and then the new and improved version comes out a week later. I waited on buying a computer, and the new ibooks were released. SCORE!
The best way to make yourself get a phone call is to draw a bath and get in it. However, this will not work if the telephone is within arms’ reach of the tub.
When someone is a few minutes late arriving, decide you have time for a bathroom break. Your guests will be knocking in seconds.
It works in reverse for me. I get up, she sits down, then complains about the kids hiding her glasses/keys/purse until I find it. Where she left it. But it’s still the kids’ fault.
Sorry, you misunderstood. I meant that if I say “Everything is going to be fine,” everything does in fact turn out to be fine. It’s a GOOD spell, not a bad one.
I have a very nice, framed, embroidery that says: “Peace be to this House”. As soon as we hang it up in a new place, all hell breaks loose. Dog vomits on the new rugs, water heater starts leaking, seagulls decide to roost on our deck, etc. Maybe we should hang it upside down. . .