This has been, by far, the longest day of my life. First, let me say thank you all so much. You have no idea how I feel right now, towards all of you. Shit, I have no idea how I feel towards you right now. I’m touched, really. Thank you all.
My mom is in the hospital now. Not long after I posted the last post in this thread, she decided she would go. It’s almost a two hour drive to the hospital from here. That’s one way. Anyway, after they ran a few tests, they gave her some morphine and some ativan. This happened probably an hour and a half after we got there. Maybe two hours. I actually don’t even know.
So after she got that, she started fading in and out of sleep. I couldn’t leave. I wanted to because I hate hospitals and I was getting tired, but I couldn’t. So we sat there. “We” being myself, both of my grandmothers, two of my mom’s sisters, and my sister. I was right by my mom’s bed most of the time. She’d open her eyes and smile at me every so often. I didn’t say much. I told her I love her a hundred times, but I couldn’t think of anything else. I still couldn’t leave. I don’t even know how long I was there. A long time.
The doctor said that he would call the specialist that my mom was supposed to see on November 7th and ask him to come in tomorrow morning. I really hope he says he will.
Leaving that hospital was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. Before I left, I told my mom I love her. She opened her eyes and told me she loved me, too. I gave her a hug, kissed her forehead, fixed her blankets for her, and left. I’m actually starting to think that maybe she’ll be okay. I hope so, anyway.
Oh, Silver honey, I sure hope so. And I’m so glad that your mom knows you’ve been there for her every step of the way, and that you love her. That is SO important, for both of you.
Maybe now the specialist will get in there and figure out what is going on.
For those of you who don’t know, my mom started getting sick in January. She’s been in and out of the hospital since then. She couldn’t eat without getting sick and she constantly had body aches. They found an ulcer back in February. She was put on medication and she stopped drinking coffee. And coffee was about the only thing that would upset it, since she wasn’t eating. She got worse. And she’s been getting worse since.
About a month and a half ago, the doctors decided that something other than the ulcer had to be causing all this pain that my mom was going through. They ran a whole bunch of tests but came up with nothing. That’s when she made the appointment to see the specialist on November 7th. We still don’t know what’s wrong with her. Hopefully, we’ll know something soon.
Time for some selfish whining, just because.
I’m exhausted. I’m hungry. I never want to drive again. My whole body hurts. I have a headache. And I swear on everything holy that I’m losing my mind. Really. Since Saturday, I’ve been hearing the chimes of my mom’s grandfather clock repeating over and over again. I hear it right now, for real. It always chimes the hour of 4 o’clock. It’s very annoying. And kind of creepy at the same time, because I only hear it when I’m in the house, after dark. And if I put my hands over my ears, the sound either goes away or sounds muffled. So it’s like the clock is really chiming. Except it’s not.
Silver, FWIW, what you are hearing is a symptom of stress. I used to get something similar, and sometimes still do. A totally different situation to yours, but stressful none the less.
My thoughts are with you, and I hope that you havew the strenght needed for this.
Silver, I wish I lived somewhere close to you. I’d be at your house in a second to cook, clean and do all those bothersome daily tasks that just seem like too much right now. Can I give you one word of advice? Take care of yourself first. I know that on the surface this seems selfish, but it’s not. Your mother will benifit more from a healthy, well rested Silver than from an exhausted, sick drone. TRY to get enought sleep every night. DON’T let eating go by the wayside 'cuz it feels like too much trouble. (and believe me, I’ve done both this last month) And please, please, call on any of us if there is anything we can do. You know we’d go to the mat for you, kiddo. Let us do it if you need it.
We are going thru the same thing with my father in law.
Let me know if you would like me to lite a candle for your family.
Please let us know how you all are doing, and take the well given advice and don’t let yourself get rundown.
I’m not going to say that everything happens for a reason, because I don’t believe that this is always the case. I’m not going to say that it will all work out for the best, because I think that you prefer to face your troubles, rather than pretend they don’t exist.
I will say that you know a group of people, who although thousands of miles away in many cases, all care for you. If you need to talk, let me know. I’d be glad to listen.
SilverFire, my heart goes out to you. I’m not too sure exactly what the situation is, but let me tell you that if it is a long-term, not-going-to-get-better situation, hospice care can be such a blessing. When my father-in-law was ill with cancer, they were there for my MIL and him just like family. Only, you have a professional health-care member as family, then. It’s awesome. They were so good with him, with her, with all of us, especially near the end, that it brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it. I hope this is not the case with your mom, (since you’re talking funeral arrangements, I take it that it’s pretty serious) but if it is, please consider it.
Please accept best wishes, prayers, and hugs for yourself, your Mom, and your whole family.
That’s me holding my fingertips to my temples, squinting hard, and saying, “Good thoughts. Good thoughts.”
Did it work?
BTW, auditory hallucinations are no biggie, sanity-wise. Stress, usually. They go away. I’ve been missing the visuals, though. The world is much more interesting when you are hallucinating.
Rest up. Take care of yourself. Come to us when you need us.
Silver Fire, I hope that you can get some answers from the specialist and your mom’s health improves. We don’t know each other, but I really feel for what you’re going through. I spent all of September and the beginning of this month caring for my elderly mother after major surgery, and I know how grueling it can be to try to take care of someone you love who’s that sick. I can only echo the advice others have given about taking care of yourself and finding as much help as you can. If it’s possible, try to arrange for home health care (or hospice, if that’s what’s needed) before your mom is released from the hospital. They should send someone out to see what level of care is needed, including help with meals and cleaning if you’re not able to be there. Make sure the doctor writes orders for the nurses regarding what they should do - my mom’s surgeon ordered a home health nurse but neglected to give specific orders, so she ended up counseling my mother on diet and blood sugar and left me to change dressings and empty the surgical drain!
Try not to beat yourself up about whether you’re making the right decisions with her. I hope your mom doesn’t come to this, but my dad died three years ago of pancreatic cancer that metastasized to his liver, and my stepmother (who is an RN and thought she’d be able to handle the medical side well) still agonizes over whether she managed his care in the best way. There is no way when you’re in the middle of it to know for sure whether you’re doing the absolute best thing. The only thing you can do is take each thing as it comes up and try not to second-guess yourself. You’re being a good daughter, you’re showing your mom a lot of love, and you’re doing everything you can do. Do remember to take care of yourself, too, and don’t be too proud to take any help that’s offered to you.
I just got off the phone with my mom. The specialist agreed to come in today, but he hasn’t been there yet. The doctors there haven’t given my mom anything for pain since last night because she doesn’t have a doctor there. She’s talking about signing herself out today, saying she could be sitting at home and still feel the same way. This is too much for me. Part of me wants to stay here and take care of my mom but the other part wants to go home. I don’t think I can do this anymore.
My dad called from Florida this morning. He had talked to my mom too. He’s pretty upset that she’s considering coming home, because he can’t be here to help and he knows that I can’t take it anymore. I didn’t get any sleep last night. I tried but I couldn’t. My heart is racing. My blood pressure is really high, I’m sure, considering it was high a couple weeks ago. I can only assume it keeps going up. I already said I’m going crazy. Blame it on stress? Okay. But I’m really starting to feel a bit nutty. No, I really don’t think I can handle anymore of this.
There’s nothing quite like not sleeping and worrying yourself sick to make you feel a little nutty. Please take it from a semi-pro nut that IT GOES AWAY!
Your mom is probably going to be fine. Either way, you can’t help by worrying. Yeah, I know that the wait and feeling of impotence are killers, but what can you do about it? Nothing.
If you are the slightest bit religious, drop by the hospital’s chapel and say some prayers. If you run into a chaplain talk to him or her. That’s what they’re paid for, and they are FREE to you.
My sister brought my mom her prescription bottle of morphine, since the doctors at the hospital wouldn’t give her anything. They still won’t. Bastards.
Anyway, the specialist did see my mom today. He told her that she has to stay another night because she has to drink a gallon of something (I don’t know what) before they’ll do the testing. I suppose the doctor doesn’t want to wait around for that, so he’s going back in the morning. Because she got her medication from my sister, she calmed down enough to realize that leaving would be a huge mistake.
I can’t wait for morning to come so my mom can maybe finally get taken care of. At the same time, I’m dreading it and wishing that time would slow down.
Hang in there, hon. sending good vibes Do look into hospice care, either at home or at a facility. My grandfather was on hospice for a couple of months before he died, and it was a godsend for my grandma who had been killing herself taking care of him. You have to take care of yourself as well as your mom, or you won’t be able to help either of you.
