PROLOGUE
EXT - THE CABIN IN THE WOODS - AFTERNOON
Tinkly piano music plays. The first image is of trees, doing their best to look innocent. The camera pans past them into the rear yard of a dilapidated Cabin in the Woods, adjacent to a cornfield. As it does, we hear the voice of Don LaFontaine.
DON LAFONTAINE (VO)
Welcome to central Michigan… land of rolling rivers, scenic woods, decades of professional sporting futility… and murder. Two years ago, a party was held at this unassuming cabin in the woods. Twenty five arrived… only six ever went home again.
More images follow, a slow montage: a dining room, long extinguished candles scattered about the table… a small, homey country kitchen, blown to holy hell… a cornfield, stalks swaying ominously… a tiny grave site, marked with a stone on which has been etched only one word – “Vincent.”
DON LAFONTAINE (VO)
Authorities dismissed what happened during that week as the work of an everyday, run-of-the-mill homicidal maniac. But others are not so sure.
The camera pans across the living room, streaked with long-dried stains of what might once have been blood, and moves across a large, closed book, placed neatly on a nearby pedestal. The camera continues to track, past the book, through the ruined kitchen, and down the stairs, finally coming to rest on a huge wood chipper in a corner of the yard.
DON LAFONTAINE (VO)
Fridays this fall, FOX and executive producer Mark Burnett will find out the truth… and they can expect a hell of a time.
Behind the wood chipper, the stalks continue to sway. At the base of the machine, we see a small, pink towel, now dirty and covered in leaves and other detritus, but still clearly identifiable. The camera begins to close slowly on the wood chipper.
DON LAFONTAINE (VO)
Evil Dead: The New Series. This time… there might not be a Survivor.
The camera is about to reveal the view inside the wood chipper, but suddenly, an Oily Reality Television Executive (Stephen Baldwin) and his Well-Meaning But Ineffectual Assistant (John Hodgman) enter the frame.
OILY REALITY TELEVISION EXECUTIVE
Did they get a few shots of that weird goo in the kitchen?
HIS WELL MEANING BUT INEFFECTUAL ASSISTANT
Yes, sir. Uh… out of curiosity, what was that… substance, sir? I’m a member of several SETI groups, and it clearly looked like it was extra -
O.R.T.E.
All right, get them down here; I think the B-roll needs more wood chipper. It’s atmospheric.
H.W.M.B.I.A.
Certainly, sir. Just one clarification first, sir?
O.R.T.E.
Hm?
H.W.M.B.I.A.
Well, the central conceit of this show is going to be that… uh… we put the contestants in the Cabin and whoever is left at the end, wins, yes?
O.R.T.E.
Yes.
H.W.M.B.I.A.
Right. OK.
O.R.T.E.
It’s brilliant.
H.W.M.B.I.A.
It would have to be.
O.R.T.E.
Yes.
H.W.M.B.I.A.
Yes.
O.R.T.E.
Is this conversation still happening?
H.W.M.B.I.A.
Just one more question, sir. Do the contestants know that when they’re eliminated, they’re actually… uh… eliminated? Isn’t that a bit of a liability issue?
O.R.T.E.
I’m sorry, I stopping paying attention to you three minutes ago.
H.W.M.B.I.A.
Right. OK. But what’s the… uh… mechanism of elimination here?
*POV – the Oily Reality Television Executive. He is looking back through the kitchen window. We see the large bound book, on its pedestal in the living room.
POV – His Well Meaning But Ineffectual Assistant. The O.R.T.E. smirks*
O.R.T.E.
I’m sure something will come up.
H.W.M.B.I.A.
Yes, sir. I’ll go fetch the cameras, sir.
The Oily Reality Television Executive glances at the wood chipper, then does a double take. He furrows his brow, as only a Baldwin can do.
O.R.T.E.
What the hell?
POV – Inside the wood chipper. We see the Oily Reality Television Executive peering into the opening of the chipper, puzzled. His puzzlement turns to horror. His eyes widen. We hear the unmistakable sound of a wood chipper coming to life. The Executive tries to pull back, but his suit jacket’s sleeve is caught in the machinery. Close on his face.
O.R.T.E.
Nooooooooooooo!
Smash cut to:
**TITLE CARD: EVIL DEAD 2
THE CURSE OF HOOPY’S HEAD**.
With Mahaloth’s game drawing toward its conclusion, I figured this would be an optimal time to begin sign-ups for the next one.
The setup will be entirely closed, other than the information in this paragraph and the basic rules (to follow). There will be no post restrictions of any kind. The game is not an all-power-role game; there will be vanilla Town. There will be a fairly high incidence of what Meeko has termed “potatoes,” so be warned.
The setup is quite large; we need 30 players total, which is why I’m beginning sign-ups a bit before the LOTR game actually ends. Please indicate interest by posting to this thread. The game itself will begin with Night Zero approximately 24 hours following the end of the LOTR game, or whenever we have 30 participants, whichever happens later.
We already have two official pre-registrants:
- Mahaloth
- Oy!