Hey, Balance has got magic zapper eyes! No fair! pout And dang it, it’s Tape, Tape, Tape!
Fortunately, none of us were in our HQ when you so cowardly destroyed it. <There goes the budget for this year.> But I can see now that we are seriously out of our weight class, so…exit, stage right. shakes fist in air Curse you, villainous scum!
Hanofer detaches herself from the League’s retreating group So. snaps gum Can you guys use another moll?
Gravity leans around the doorjamb with one hand cupped over the mouthpiece of the phone.
“NBC said that they’d give us $2 mil for it, but I’ve got ABC on the line now and they are willing to buy the concept in exchange for Disney stock and the T-shirt concession. They said that we don’t even have to provide the heroes. Apparently they have some folks in mind.”
K.
Fools! Where is JosephFinn? Get that 2 year old nephew of yours in here; ask him whether we should kill these superheroes slowly in an interesting way, on national tv, or should we just go in and off 'em, mob style, with a .45?
Didn’t you guys read the membership manual? It was posted before:
http://minievil.eviloverlord.com/lists/overlord.html
I would like to particularly direct your attention to items # 4,6,7,13,and 36. Ignore 20 and 33, they are obviously typos.
Hmmm. While rereading the list, I noticed number 52, about secret passages. Hoboken, like all ancient centers of evil, is riddled with labyrinthine tunnels. Is our headquarters safe from attack through the sewers? Dogsbody, this looks like a good job for you. Get down there and perform an inspection. Keep inspecting until I figure out what BOOp means. (Thought I’d forgotten, did you?)
Balance! Good to have you back! Where were you, buddy? I was just saying to the others “Gee, I haven’t seen good old Balance around for awhile, I wonder how he’s doing.” We kept your seat warm for you, pal. Say, check out this glowing device I created; that’s it, just look into the glowing eyeholes… bwehehehehehe. BWEHEhehehehe. BUHWAAAHAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAA! BAHUNHHANHHUWAAAAAHAHAHAAHHAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAHAAAAAAA! You are now my slave! You shall wax my snowboard until it shines like a mirror! And empty my cat’s litter box, it’s starting to smell.
A shame to waste a mind as brilliantly corrupt as yours, but necessary to my plans, and perhaps now Mr. Tim will stop scratching to go out all the time.
In remembrance of the Balance that was, we will abide his wishes and turn Hillary down. But nicely. Who can deliver the message diplomatically? Ah. Lynn. Our ambassador. Cease threatening the U.N. for a moment. The Zima will wait. It’s not like it will “go bad” or anything. Bwahahahaha! Raven will come with you to strike terror in any hearts that oppose you. And when JosephFinn has produced his nephew he can go along, too, and use his reflection powers to blind the eyes of the righteous.
Arkon, what sort of goods have you seized? Anything especially EVIL? Counterfeit jeans? Mad Cow Beef? Packing crates with illegal immigrants inside?
Hanofer, turncoats are always especially welcome in EVO. Have you an appropriate wardrobe? No matter, I will help you there…
Hmmmm. inoci, how about World Evil Villain Organization? WEVO. Is that more doable? Say! we should recruit some advertising people to handle this issue. Their black souls are already aligned with ours anyway.
All kinds of stuff. Clothing, steel, food, immigrants, tourists, computers, toys, books, marines, primitive earthling weapons, planes, and the missing socks of the world; it seems the government was stealing them.
and I brought some evil robots and chocolate-chip cookies with me!
Ah, even before I’ve managed to post my dire prophecies they have come true! Even their greatest hero (crimson cape?) has joined our side!
<evil voice of doom>All is going according to plan<evil voice of doom>
There, that should strike fear into all the hearts we haven’t corrupted yet.
I’d like to be the evil owner of a large male harem who bends to my evil libido. Volunteers can sign up in front of the tent, but strip yourself of all clothing before you apply. There is a small exam to be done before I accept applicants.
Can I be an evil shrubber?
Well, I’m in need of a shrubber, just as long as you are going to trim the bushes for me as well.
You guys really want to take over the world?
Step 1: Go to Law School.
We lawyers already run the planet, if you haven’t figured that out yet.
Might I offer my services? I am relatively inexperienced. However, I have captured several small European nations in recent coup de etets. Granted, Belgium is not good for much besides waffles, but it’s a start.
Oh, and I also used to work at Blockbuster Video, and have devised a plan for reducing the minds of all do-gooders to mush. Vanilla Ice’s epic romance, Cool as Ice! Perfect…
That, or late fees.
To show myself ready and willing to serve evil’s cause, I volunteer for that exam job. pulls on rubber gloves, prepares probes
And evil leader APB9999? I’m not too much into leather <chafes, you know>, so if you can just supply me with black jeans and t-shirt, with maybe our logo on it <we do have a logo, don’t we?>, I’d be satisfied.
Nice job on Balance, by the way. <Teach him to go zapping people’s HQs>
looks around, then sneaks into cell where Balance is being kept
Well let’s see here…if we use this government project that I helped work on, it should reverse the enslavement process…now let’s see. Place goggles here, electrodes there, wires everywhere…
flips switch on complicated-looking device, then jumps back
YES! It worked!!! Welcome back, Balance hon. Now then, shall we recommence taking over the world? 
::hangs head & sighs:: Right, boss, to the sewers it is. Ick.
::Grabbing monofilament wire & other booby trap equipment, and muttering under breath:: Geez, you’d think the boss would be glad to be called Brains Of the Operation. Good thing I didn’t mention the rest of the title…
Hey, do we have any geologists that can help me with this? Oh, and Falcon, do we have access to the Government Maps for the sewers, or do I have to wing this? I’d really rather not get lost down there. You might need me for paperwork later. 
You all need to check out the thread entitled “Remake the Human Race.” There’s some interesting technology being researched over there.
(I’d put the hyperlink is this post, but I’m a stupid newbie and can’t figure out how to do that yet.)
WEVO? I like it. but it has already been taken as a domain name. like i said, we need to be the new breed of evil. we have to stay with the times. you know what hte problem with that last generation of evildoers was? i’ll tell you. advertising. they didn’t do it, and they failed. we need to reach the people. we could create a little java applet or something that would help hypnotize the hapless browsers who come our way!
anywho. i’ve finished installing the new micro-missile launchers on my zombie-droids, and i want to try my hand at open warfare rather than this sneaking around in orphanages bit. anyone have a target for me? it’ll make a great distraction while the rest of you make with the subterfuge.
digs through piles of USGS maps
Let’s see here…
Here you go, dogsbody! Full and complete map of the sewers. Hope this helps, hon. I can always use help on that paperwork.
On her way to seduce the Pope, Persephone is intercepted by the Commando Sisters of Abundant Warfare (CSAW). After a brief, but graphically violent struggle, she loses consciousness, only to regain awareness chained to a child’s desk in a darkened room. An intense light is shining in her face. From the darkness, a female voice speaks:[ul]“The Vatican is quite aware of your evil organization’s plot to take over the world and seduce our Holy Father. Do not be so foolish to assume that the Catholic Church has lasted all these years without possessing unconventional means for ensuring its survival.”
“Your little plot to seduce Il Papa was doomed to failure. Certain members of our order are assigned to see to the needs of the Holy Father, making him impervious to such a ploy. If you can have filet mignon whenever you like, green bologna has no appeal.”
“We are also aware of your assault on the Hoboken Orphanage. Be advised that Orphanage nuns are not trained in combat, although your forces discovered to their dismay that many of them have a natural aptitude for violence. Rest assured that even those did not meet the minimum standards required for entry into the Vatican Inquisition Army. They will be avenged.”[/ul]A shadowy figure steps from behind the desk and sprays an aerosol sedative in Persephone’s face. The room swirls around her and she awakens, sticky, broke and confused, in a highway rest stop several miles from Hoboken.
MISSION REPORT
After reading the unfortunate results of our attempted infiltration and seduction of the Vatican, I took it upon myself to launch an attack. Having no other targets, my zombie-droids and I were bored. And honestly, who knew we’d actually have problems.
I rode my turbo-cycle into battle, escorted by three legions of my soldiers. Following my legions into battle were several platoons of my Killdeth hover tanks. We were supported by a flotilla of Arkon’s Ghost Ships that provided artillary support.
The Pope’s Swiss Guards were the first to encounter my forces, and they promptly went neutral. This allowed my army to march through to the center of the the tiny soverign nation unscathed. We reached the gates to the Pope’s residence, and then the trouble started.
The CSAW girls were all over us. First they would attack one flank, and then the other. Back and forth it was, like a terrible, violent see-saw. I quickly adjusted to their tactics, and led my personal bodyguard and a strike team into the Holy Fortress itself. Big mistake.
While my legions were fighting outside (and winning it seemd!), I was finding myself up to my eyeballs in frighteningly modifier CyberParish! I met the augmented TurboBishops blow for blow, and my forces were able to break through to the Pope only after we had taken such losses that it was I and a lone zombie-droid.
The Pope was enclosed in a bubble of pure energy, and whenever we tried to strike a blow, the power of our blasts wasredirected back at us! I attempted to use my newly created Anti-Pope cannon, but the shot bounced off and incinerated the last of my guard.
The Pope got a sinister grin on his face, and I knew then the battle was over. This whole thing was simply a ploy to guage our strength. I pulled back. I ran away, urging my legions to follow me. I still had one last chance.
Knowing that the Pope was impossible to beat in hand-to-hand combat, I ordered an airstirke to bury he and his forces in the rubble of the Vatican itself. As the low roar of my bombers passed overhead, the pyrotechnic show that unfolded before me was quite amazing indeed.
Regretfully, the Pope was not defeated. In fact, my impatience in attacking may have made him stronger. My forces have him and those CSAW girls blocked in for now, but that can’t last forever.
I suggest we start smaller.
Thank you for the kind thought, Falcon, but I was neither enslaved nor entranced.
<knock, knock, knock>
Recall, if you will, that my gaze destroys implements of technology! APB’s lovely little Viewsonic didn’t last long.
<Faint APB voice: “hey, let me out”>
I have taken the opportunity to astrally project myself to various crypts and summon my undead minions. While APB plays his silly games, I continue on the path to world conquest.
<Faint APB voice: “this is embarassing…”>
Oh, and don’t use the restroom across the hall; the lock seems to have…malfunctioned. Er, and the toilet. And the water heater…
<fshhhh…APB screams…>
Do be patient, APB, I’m sure the locksmith will be here anytime now. Just as soon as he can catch a NASA flight…
<glares at lock on cell, causing it to fall to pieces, offers Falcon his arm>
Shall we go wreak havoc, m’dear?