Attack of the Mecha Battle-Wombats!
(Good movie title…) 
Vampire koala bats?
Hey, APB, can I borrow one of those? There’s a certain Sister Mary Hammerhead I’d like to get even with.
Falcon gasps, then sobs as Balance is apparently killed by APB’s minions (I say apparently because you just KNOW Balance will pop back up soon…)
slowly stands up, reams of paper swirling around her
YOU’LL PAY FOR THIS!!!
disappears is a cloud of smoke and EPA Records of Decision
And APB, you fool…do you seriously think Balance would leave me aside? I control the governments he overtakes…I’m invaluable. (And look damn sexy as well, which is a nice perk.)
Yes, Falcon, I’m sure that’s true. I would never seek to sully that which is the immediate jewel of our souls: Balance’s name, your trust, all these high minded and noble characters growing amongst us villains, like a blossoming garden on the sand. Indeed, I encourage you always to trust Balance to the fullest. Men should be that they seem, Or those that be not, would they might seem none! O, beware jealousy, Falcon: It is the green-ey’d monster, which doth mock that meat it feeds on. That cuckold lives in bliss, Who, certain of her fate, loves not her wronger: But O, what damned minutes tells she o’er, Who dotes, yet doubts, suspects, yet strongly loves…
Good God, the souls of all my EVO defend from jealousy!
Falcon, Falcon.
Receive it from me; I speak not yet of proof.
Look to your Balance, observe him well with Ruffian.
Wear your eye thus: not jealous, nor secure.
I would not have your free and noble nature
out of self-bounty be abused, look to’t!
I know your villain’s disposition well -
His best conscience is not to leave undone, but keep unknown.
Persephone! Of course, my friend and true colleague, you may have all the vampire koala bats you desire. I have one in particular named Nibbles, who would make an excellent pet, familiar, etc. Cute as a button, and more than a match for Sister Mary.
But alas! I am trapped here. I need for you and the others, my brothers and sisters, to free me from this trap! Just leave Balance’s bones here: he’s dead and gone, and I’m sure will never return, necromancer or no. Together we shall build a new empire of evil!
hehehehe hehehehehe heheheheheh hehehehe…
<cleans off cat vomit from feathers>
Gaaah~! Stupid Cats…And now what the heck do I do with a horde of undead flying attack hamsters COVERED IN VOMIT! GAH!
(Hmm…seems I accidentally hit Fearless Leader with my Pithy Wand of Shakespearian Lore. Don’t worry, its mostly harmless.)
<slinks off before having to explain whos cleaning up the mess>
That’s it, no more Mr. Nice Evil Guy…
:::sets up 160x90 foot screen, and many, many a speaker:::
LEPRECHAUN IN THE HOOD (The 5th in the Leprechaun series)
Evil’s in the house.
Ice-T!
Warrick Davis!
Bad Leprechaun Rapping!
Gratuitous Weed Smoking!
Guys In Drag!
And most of all…
DEMONIC FLY GIRLS. 'Nuff said.
And hell, if this doesn’t work, the Pauly Shore marathon will.
The really scary part? I’m not making up the Lep movie…:::shiver:::
*APB9999 crouches in a large bathroom with luxurious appointments and door that won’t open. He doesn’t look like he’s having much fun.
Suddenly the door explodes in a cloud of splinters (yeah, and it was a metal door, too)! Standing in the doorway is a large, hairy creature wearing a disguise. Not an effective one, mind you, but it’s the thought that counts, isn’t it?*[ul]“Your evil empire is in disarray. Now wash your hands and get out of here so the maid can clean up!”[/ul]The semi-mysterious figure disappears in a puff of smoke, leaving the now free APB9999 alone.
Feelyat!
All too easy. :::tosses the leash to APB:::
Ah, DL, my love…some men just don’t get it, do they? (Walks over to her Llama and plants a steamy kiss on him)…And then, some men do. 
Note to Balance: never let an enemy know your weak spots.
watches from the shadows at Ruffian leading Balance in
And then there are some men who are sneaky enough to get back into the enemy’s lair. Weak spots? I think not…
And now for step 2 of our plan…
smiles and disappears back into shadows, looking for dogsbody to confer about those bobby traps
::Sneaking around where APB can’t see me and wondering just where the heck I left that Ring of Invisibility:::
Uh, Falc, here’re those bobby pins you were looking for (sorry, couldn’t resist).
Everything’s still in place. Mere pretty words and after the fact kindnesses won’t sway me.
Besides, I know what happens to the disloy - er, those who cha - um…well, Heck. I’m evil, I can change sides, right? And I still think Balance will come out ahead.
Although, once again, I must point out that we’re leaving ourselves open for all sorts of goodness, here. Just a thought.
Now, what did you want me to do with this monofilament?
Dear Falcon, do you think we would be so foolish as to take him back to our lair?
Ah, yes, well apparently you do.
Well anyway…no, we have a special place in mind for him, no where near our lair yet a place where we can keep close tabs on him while he suffers in indignity.
Where? Come come now, surely you know we would not be so foolish as to let you know that.
:::reaches down and yanks Balance’s chain:::
The Mistress Ruffian reminds you that it is a pleasure and honor to be bound, gagged, blindfolded, and humiliated by her. I’m sorry, sweetheart, if those metal clamps are uncomfortable, but I don’t do cloth handcuffs. I like it really Ruff, remember dearie?
:::cracks the cat o’nine tails, laughs maniacally:::
Baloo! Excellent costume. Can I get one of those? Thank you for freeing me. When we have conquered the world, I will remember this. How does, say, Governor-Absolute of New Zealand sound? Oh what am I saying…New Zealand and Australia!
Ruffian well done! And may I say, you looked spectacular doing it. DL is one lucky llama. Got a sister?
Balance. What punishment is suitable? Let me see…ah, I have it. Your brain will be removed and placed in this jar. That way, we can still use the benefit of your evil genius without having to worry about rusting glares or desperate, power-mad gambles. You will be fed by a nutrient solution for which I alone have the formula (it involves fetal bovine serum and Hi-C, but that’s all I’ll say). Your thoughts will be communicated through this speaker, and just to humiliate you further, you will be given the voice of Joan Rivers. Bwaahahaahahahahahaaaaaa!
Falcon, Balance needs a caretaker. Just kidding! I’m not an idiot. Ruffian, need a paperweight? It seems fitting, as you captured him, and you seem able to “handle” him easily enough. If the jar has any worthily evil ideas, let me know. If he pleases me, perhaps I’ll let Myrr21 build him a cyborg body. Of course, it’ll have to be a blind body, lest he look at himself and crumble away…
Seriously, Falcon, I beg you not to think of how and why Balance was so easily subdued by Ruffian’s skills. I urge you think no ill of him for his speedy betrayal of you; any man would have done the same in Ruffian’s clutches. And no one will think any less of you for sticking with the fellow, no matter how he treats you. It’s your decision, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise; whatever the ladies whisper when your back is turned, whatever jokes they make, is completely irrelevant. I applaud you. I’m sure Ruffian will be happy to arrange visiting hours for you, say Tuesdays and Thursdays 10:00-2:00.
:sighs: Well, It appears Balance will not be recieving his honor guard- yet. Pity, he would have made a excellent patriarch after the Ascension. Very well, APB. You have demonstrated the ability to maintain power. Be wary though, for although I will not oppose you, you have recruited a society of backstabbers. Sleep well.
Arkon -
Don’t be so sure about that just yet… grins slowly Didn’t the victory seem a bit…easy? I mean, we all know Ruffian is very talented, but come on…
Don’t worry, we have…plans for all of you.
I have the most useful power of all. I was thinking of using it for good, but no one has tried to organize a superhero board.
My power is…
I can raise one eyebrow completely independent of the other one, giving me a rather villainous appearance.
So, what’s the call? Am I in? I can’t handle rejection.
Thanks, APB! Excuse me, I’ll be right back.
Those nuns are gonna be worshipping me when I get through with them…
:::strolls merrily off to the Nun’s Headquarters, basket of Vampire Koala Bats under arm:::
Hmm…I see this ‘steeljaw’ person has dared to form another thread devoted to our destruction. Permission to launch the dreaded horde of vomit-covered undead flying attack hamsters, o dread lord?