My temporary bi female housemate is having sex with her boyfriend… AND I CAN HEAR THEM!
Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew!
How will I get the slurpy and slapping noises out of my head?
Ew!
Esprix
Turn your head sideways, and jump on one foot.
I’d take cover Esprix - they might decide to do domething really deviant, like have anal sex or something. :eek: Even worse, they might explore vaginal fisting.
Really, there should be lawsagainst this kind of thing.
FWIW - buy them some good CDs, and play them loudly until they get the hint that if they can hear the music your’e playing, you can hear their blatant copulation. Works for me with my teenagers.
Call the police on these people, now! No good citizen can sit idly by and let this kind of immoral horribleness go on with their concent!
— G. Raven
I’m scarred for life. There was heavy grunting, quite audible slapping of… well, flesh (and I mean a hand striking… something)… and slurpy noises… and… and… oh, the horror! 
Esprix
just be glad you aren’t thinking about your parents engaging in the same activity…oh wait, now you are.
:sorry:
Dammit, steeljaw, ya beat me to it 
Ya snooze, ya lose.
Ah well. Mr. Esprix, you described your roomate as a bi female. Can we assume that if she has sex with another woman you will apprise us of the situation, complete with sound effects and everything? I for one would be quite interested in such a development
I assume, of course, that you are at least as turned off by lesbian sex as by hetero sex. After all, that’s two women, and no men.
Oh, Esprix, the horror. Do something! It’s not your female housemate I’m thinking of here, but the innocent man she may well be converting to the dreaded heterosexual lifestyle as we speak!
Suggestions:
- Cat. Good sex control tool when thrown on bed. Have ample supply of Band-Aids on hand.
- Water. Particularly effective when used immediately after cat.
- Music. Played at high volume. I’d suggest something like Barry Manilow or Neil Diamond - who can be aroused with those guys singing? If you really can’t take anymore, try the Pina Colada Song. If nothing else, when it’s over you’ll be glad to go back to mere sex noises.
- Shouting. Especially, scores. For example, if your housemate has a vocal orgasm, shriek “That’s only a 4.6! She had at least an 8 with the guy that was in there yesterday!” Hints are also good. For example: “[Name of female], he really prefers it if you [graphic sex tip]! Or at least he did last week…”
And if all else fails:
- Video camera. This may just come in handy if either one ever runs for president.
- Revenge. Tomorrow night, bring someone(s) home and have your own loud sex party.
This one has my vote, though revenge is also good. Of course, IMO, ideally everybody in the house is getting lucky at the same time, then you don’t notice the noise and if you do, you just don’t care.
That, sir, would make an excellent sig. However, since I’m still quite pleased with my current one (by the way… fifty SPOOFE points go to whoever recognizes it… but do so in another thread), I think I’ll just add it to my AIM profile instead (with proper credits, of course).
Anyway…
In order to make two people stop having sex, ask them if you can watch. Yeah, I know, it’s a gamble… and they might call your bluff (or they might enjoy it), but usually, the thought of being watched is enough to cause a penis to shrivel up in a matter of seconds. That’s why it’s so difficult to pee in public restrooms.
Spoofe, for some wierd reason I can only pee with a shriveled up wee wee. I must be missing something. :rolleyes:
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by SPOOFE *
**
Gee, Spoofe, didn’t seem to be a problem last time I stood next to YOU at a urinal and we played " Two Fisted Tag Team Pee Partner Fandango ". :eek:
Cartooniverse
I’ve got a yaoi-loving slash-writing bi friend who includes a “heterosexual warning” whenever she has a boy and a girl romantically involved. You’d like her.
Twos company but three isn’t always a crowd. Go ahead and jump in. Who knows what might happen. Forbidden passions just may be explored.
I’m confused…
Is she…
temporarily a housemate?
temporarily bi?
temporarily female?
yes, yes they might… What else do you think they might do?
What, don’t gay people make slurpy and slapping noises? What kind of sounds DO you make?
Dry and sandpapery noises?
Moist and bouncy noises?
Loud and lurid noises?
Yawns?
Sound effects?
Complex three part harmony?
It’s not so bad that they have heterosexual sex—I mean, they can’t HELP having those feelings. But I sure hop[e they don’t try to recruit you into their “lifestyle” . . .
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by deepbluesea *
4. Shouting. Especially, scores. For example, if your housemate has a vocal orgasm, shriek “That’s only a 4.6! She had at least an 8 with the guy that was in there yesterday!” Hints are also good. For example: “[Name of female], he really prefers it if you [graphic sex tip]! Or at least he did last week…”
You know I used to have a big group of guy friends that treated me like I was just one of the guys, and one night when I had a playmate over they sat in the living room and did just that.
It only encouraged me to try harder.
So, if she is anything like me that won’t work.
!!!
So how YOU doin’ Arden-honey? feelin’ lucky?
Wanna disgust gayboy some more?