The OP’s ex bailing on his weekly visitation with his daughter;
The OP’s ex not seeing his daughter on his birthday.
For (1), I don’t know what the arrangement is with the OP and her ex for modifying visitation schedules. If they both accept changes to the visitation schedule for non-emergency reasons, then I don’t think there’s anything particularly jerkish about saying “I have other plans this weekend and I’ll be out all day, so let’s rearrange the schedule so I can see darling Ermyntrude another day”.
If, on the other hand, the ex just unilaterally bailed out on the scheduled visitation without the OP’s agreement and offered his birthday celebration plans as a feeble excuse, then yeah, jerk city.
As far as (2) is concerned, I’d say it depends on how little Ermyntrude feels about her dad’s birthday. Had she been looking forward to seeing him and proudly presenting him with her hand-drawn “I LVOE YOU DADY” birthday card and thumbprinty clay ashtray, and did he know that she was looking forward to helping him celebrate? In that case, then yeah, shame on him for disappointing her.
On the other hand, if she was all like “Oh, is it Daddy’s birthday? I didn’t know Daddies had birthdays!”, then I really can’t see why it would be a big deal for him to move the visitation to another day—provided, as noted above, that he consulted the OP’s convenience before changing the plans.
(assuming we are indeed assuming he is spending the day “partying”)
If it’s your 21st birthday, I can see the desire to get drunk on the exact day of your birthday.
For everyone else, “I need to spend the day getting drunk” basically isn’t ever a good excuse for not taking care of an obligation. It’s a shitty excuse for not taking your dog on the walk he expects. It’s a shitty excuse for leaving dishes in the sink. But it’s an especially shitty excuse for not taking care of your kids. Get drunk on your own time.
If you only have childcare obligations once a week, then you have six other days to get completely sloshed without reminding your kid that they are near the bottom of your list of priorities. I promise you, your nobdy won’t really care that you are celebrating your birthday on a day that isn’t actually X*365.242 days from your day of birth. Everyone likes the chance to go out and have a celebration, but it’s not really because your precise birthday is really special that people feel the need to ritually commemorate it.
Kids notice when their parents don’t want to be with them, and it hurts for a long, long time.
Depends on the kid. Some (raises hand) spend most of their childhood wishing their parents would disappear. And even if the kid fanatically loves his or her parents it’s still a very, important growing up lesson for him or her to learn that parents are people with rights and desires of their own. No child should ever be allowed to monopolize an adult’s time.
How can a child, with scheduled visitation, be said to be monopolizing a parent’s time? They’re together only for the scheduled time and apart the rest. What an odd statement.
Just taking the OP at face value, I think that it IS jerkish to cancel your weekly visitation for non-essential reasons. First and foremost because if you helped to create a child, then you should participate as fully as you can in his/her life. Seeing him/her one or two days a week is the bare minimum.
Secondly, because the OPer might actually have a life. If she is parenting the child 5 or 6 days per week, especially if she’s a single mom, then she’s done more than her fair share. And possibly, just possibly, she’d like a break.
So, yeah, I’m with the OPer in that he shouldn’t have canceled his visitation for such a lame reason.
And in this installment of The Pit, the OP disappears without a trace. Was she eaten by a rabid skunk? Did she drown in her own tears? Did her no-good ex-husband do a complete 180 and take her off to a dream vacation, leaving the kid in a shallow grave at the local golf course!?
We shall never know!
On that note, someone really should do a pitting of disappearing OPs.
Do a search in the Pit for ZPG Zealot. I cannot explain in one post what has been adequately pitted in hundreds. She’s a racist nutball who has had her own threads here.
I wished my parents would disappear (mostly my mother), but it was linked to knowing that I bothered them. Dad was depressed, Mom never wanted me. I never wanted my grandmother to disappear, to name one grown-up who did want me around… me personally, not some imaginary perfect child.
even sven, pbbbbth (j/k, but seriously, she’d not the only one who wished for her parents to disappear)
I know the person has some history but I don’t read any of the threads. A referemnce to what they contain is lost for me and possibly others.
Although I can understand the point of view that your reference will be well known to readers of ZPG’s threads (or those about him/ her) not all of us are well versed in them. I don’t have an answer.
BTW, This is not the first time my ex has cancelled visitation last minute. he pulls this shit every other week and I’m getting tired of him being a lazy excuse of a father. BTW, the child is 15 months old and he only spends 5 hours with her on Sunday. So that means he only sees her at maximum 20 hours a month. I understand it was his b-day but for god sake he could have told me earlier so I could make other plans.
She was sick last week and i texted him- he didn’t give a damn about her-he just told me to get her pedialyte. he didn’t ask about how she was doing or try to visit her. He is selfish and irresponsible- that why i divorced him!
Yeah, sounds like a jerk. Sadly, it’s not that uncommon to have a jerk ex. I know you’re frustrated for you and for your daughter. But chances are it’s not gonna change much, unless he’s young and grows up. And taking you at face value, you have 5 hours a weak with your kid? You don’t blow it off for anything but a very good reason.
(j/k, but seriously, she’d not the only one who wished for her parents to disappear)
But chances are it’s not gonna change much, unless he’s young and grows up. And taking you at face value, you have 5 hours a weak with your kid? You don’t blow it off for anything but a very good reason.