Ex-It Urges: I know I shouldn't but . . .

Mom: You got some mail today from your ex-husband. What do you think it is?
Me:* Probably a bill he thinks I should pay.*
Mom: It doesn’t feel like a bill. It’s like 5"x7". What do you think it is?
Me: Probably a bill he thinks I should pay.
Mom: Well, it’s a handwritten envelope. What do you think it is?
Me: I don’t know, Mom. I’ll let you know when I come pick it up. I think it’s a bill. But maybe it’s a Christmas card.

fast forwards to me arriving at the house the next day

Mom: Here it is. What is it?
Me: It’s a bill he thinks I should pay.

And that’s all it was. A bill he had received in the mail, opened, and then he stuck just the bill, no note or anything else, in an envelope and sent it to me. It’s the first time I’ve heard from him in almost 2 years. We’ve been divorced for 4 years now. Just a passive-aggressive “pay this” thing. (He owes over $6K on bills that are in my name and has not paid a dime- and this is not even a bill I agreed to pay, so it’s not like I’m rushing to resolve it for him. )

My ex, aka Grumpy, is an idiot. It’s not an opinion, it’s a verified fact. In spite of that, I’ve tried to maintain a friendly attitude whenever we have to interact.

And there is a part of me, a little persistent part of me, that wants to respond to this latest cold-shouldered contact by sending him a cheery Christmas card with my perky year-in-review letter. No personal notes or anything - just a chipper little “happy holidays” banality.

Is that so evil?

(I mean, I could just send him copies of all the bills he hasn’t paid - but I don’t want to stoop there - especially since I know he won’t actually pay - I just have to wait for them to drop off my credit report.)

Do it.

To bad you opened it. Might have thrown him for a loop if it was returned undeliverable.

Why the hell are the bills still in your name? Wasn’t there language in your divorce decree to the effect that you’re responsible for debts A and B, he’s responsible for debts X and Y, and neither of you will hold the other responsible for any other funds?

I have a cuckoo ex, and my life is aces when I don’t even think about her. I’ve told her not to contact me and preemptively blocked her from every line of communication where I’m able. Her family knows how to get hold of me if there’s something that legitimately requires my attention.

If she were to send a letter to me c/o my parents, I’d tell them to throw it away.

Yes, but since we self-filed in Denver, it’s a “honor system” thing. And the bills are in my name because he opened the accounts in my name and then let them go to collections. (It’s a bloody mess - and I’ve just done the damage control I can. Fortunately, the IRS back taxes are all his problem. The rest I deal with as I can.)

For simplicity, lets assume there was no fraud involved.

Mrs. Smith run up some bills for merchandise with me and hasn’t paid them.

Mr. and Mrs. Smith are now divorced and in the divorce decree, Mr. Smith was ordered by the court to pay the bills.

The court ruling is binding on Mr. Smith and he could be in some degree of trouble with the court for not paying them.

But, as the merchant who is owed money by Mrs. Smith, I’m going to hound her until the damn bills are paid. The court ruling doesn’t affect me or my rights against her. If she can squeeze the money from her ex that’s great, but I don’t care. Pay me!

Please to tell me about the opening of accounts, by him, in your name?

How is that done, exactly? Damn, I’ve been trying to get the electric company to put us on the monthly averaging deal for two years and they won’t because it’s in my husband’s name!

You live in another country, elbows. It’s easy in the US to have spouses open lines of credit and bills in each other’s names. I just had $2400 stolen from me by the bank because my ex decided to stop paying on her car and since both our names were on the loan they went after my money and just took it from my account.