The following people need to go away. Far away. Quickly.
Tom Green - Umm, l-o-s-e-r.
Ricky Martin - Livin’ La… BANG! as I hit him over the head with a frying pan.
Melanie Griffith - Oink.
Howard Stern - His fifteen ended years ago.
Brittany Spears - She should have been a porn star.
Courtney Love - Kurt’s coattails haven’t moved in what, five or six years?
Where has Dennis Rodman been lately?
There’s a report tonight that Rodman will sign with the Phoenix Suns.
Two suggestions: a) America’s sweetheart, Jennifer LOVE Hewitt. I would like to see her mugged in Central Park on that new show of hers. b) the people on “Once and Again” - excrutiating! Let’s jump ahead to the end of the story where you just know the woman is going to have a widdle baby and they will all live happily ever after, the end.
and most definitely Monica Lewenski. Who cares how much weight she has lost!
I really try to be good but it just isn’t in my nature!
Yeah well, Rodman has to deal with his most recent drunk driving arrest – last week – before he does much else.
-Melin
All of the “musicians” that fit into the “only 11-13 year old girls like us” category.
Or the least they could do is move all mention of this tripe to one or two TV channels that I would know to never turn to. It sucks being audibly assaulted without warning from a Backstreet Boy.
Funny…I was in a music store last week and was bemoaning the supersaturation of blond teenage girls who essentially aren’t musicians in the current MTV world. They all look the same, I said, and I couldn’t tell them apart–Britney, Christina, Mandy–and at the store I’d seen some new girl named Jessica, which prompted my comments.
The guy behind the counter laughed and said these useless “talents” should all get together in a band and call it “Future Porn Stars of America.” Damn funny, that.
BTW…why are there never any 14-18 year old boys entering the music world as successfully as this peroxide clan? Oh, yes, of course…they don’t have breasts to jiggle, and it would just sound perverse if he said “You’ve got to rub me the right way.”
I used to think the world was against me. Now I know better: Some of the smaller countries are neutral.
I expect Monica to marry some rich old fart. Then we can wrap up that case.
There’s been a couple lately, namely Jonny Lang and Kenny Wayne Shepperd. I’ve got to hand it to these boys…they’re playing real guitars, and playing them well. Not the techno-sampling stuff I hear so much of now.
“And in other news, Monica Trump, the New First Lady…”
Vote for Trump - Job Security for Leno
JB
Lex Non Favet Delicatorum Votis
Linda Tripp gets a new 15-minute block after her face lift. Hate to say it, but the bitch looks good!
Recently in the news, Puff daddy and Jennifer Lopez. “Puff” has NO talent, just uses existing sons and changes the lyrics. Is he trying to be Wierd AL or what?
Lopez insured her body for a billion dollars. I looked at her long and hard. She’s not an ugly cow but neither am I. I’m off to Lloyd’s myself!
“That was a hell of a thing.”
There are plenty of young boys, they just don’t perform solo. Manufacturing new artificial ‘boy bands’ is big big business. Hold auditions, put together a mishmash of various ‘heart-throbs’ to touch every potential girly swoon-factor, and start crankin’ out the albums.
I am revolted by the state of music today. The public should be ashamed that they can be duped by studio executives and their assembly-line groups.
I’m gonna go listen to some Beach Boys now…
So many to choose from…
Dr. Laura
Gene Shallit
Definitely Monica Lewinski
Ditto Linda Tripp
Donald Trump
Steve Forbes
Warren Beatty
These are just a few, and too many have more than even their Warhol-allotted 15 minutes. (I tend to ignore top-pop icons because they’ll self destruct anyway.) Opportunistic jerks offend me.
Veb
I don’t think we’re being fair here. We’re taking people who are basicly images that are being sold to 14-15 yr old girls and calling them music. Of course Lolita pop stars and boy bands don’t appeal to us… we aren’t the target market. The target market is one that just has to have every trendy pop album, and dress like them, and talk like them… they are the ones who watch mtv and buy clothes at the gap. And they have the attention spans of drunken gnats, so blissfully what they adore one year is next years celebrity overdose suicide.
And anyways… is it that we hate the music, or do we really hate the attention the artists get?
http://www.madpoet.com
Computers have let mankind make mistakes faster than any other invention, with the possible exception of tequila and handguns.
Shania Twain - Take away her drop dead gorgeous exterior and you have a mediocre singer/songwriter.
David Letterman - I used to love him, but frankly he’s just down right cranky anymore.
Cecil Adams - Back off, teeming millions. I’m only kidding!!!
What’s worse than teenage pop stars? Old women who think they’re teenage pop stars.
With this in mind I say Tina Turner and Madonna should be decephelated at once.
Yeah, Konrad, don’t you just hate people who use big words to prove how smart they are?
~Kyla
“You couldn’t fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine.”
I say Tina Turner takes her fine legs and stomps your fifteen minutes onto Nutbush.
I pray I look that hot when I’m her age…
Konrad, you’re such a twinkie.
StoryTyler
“Not everybody does it, but everybody should.”
I Spy Ty.