Exes and Funerals

If your ex (ex-spouse or ex-SO) dies before you, will you go to their funeral? If you do attend, will you likely be welcome or will you probably encounter a cold shoulder from your ex’s next of kin?

If you predecease the ex, do you want them to come to your funeral? Will your kin welcome them or shun them?

Depends like hell on circumstances. (For me, this is all hypothetical, but I know a lot of people who are, or have, exes.)

If my ex-in-laws are the sort who would shun me, then I wouldn’t go. If the breakup was peaceful and we maintained a friendship, then, certainly, I would.

I know people who wouldn’t be welcome at their ex’s funerals…and people who would be absolutely welcomed and greeting warmly.

The best advice is to try to stay friends with as many people as possible.

(I recently went to the funeral of a guy who, in life, was a jerk. A mean-spirited, loud-mouthed jackass. But…it’s his funeral. I was invited to attend. I went, and, when it was time for individuals to speak of their memories, I told of one of the good times. I figured, if it had been my funeral, he’d have come and done the same.)

My ex husband? Nope. Won’t attend his, wouldn’t expect him to attend mine. I think his mum would welcome me at his. My mother would try to claw his face off if he showed up at mine.

I’d attend the funeral of either of my other major two ex boyfriends, and I think I’d be welcomed (or at least not shunned). If they attended mine, my family would be touched.

My ex currently lives 1,700 miles from me, so it’s unlikely either one of us will make the effort. However, if we lived in the same city, I’d probably go and pay my respects to my ex in-laws.

I should point out that my ex is not currently married. If there were a spouse involved, I might feel differently. In their rare, limited contacts my wife has always been polite to my ex, but I don’t know how she (wife) would feel about her (ex) showing up at an extremely stressful time.

My wife and I moved three times to try to lose her family. If any of them showed up at her funeral, I’d be shocked. Her friends, however, might well kill me.

I would not attend her funeral but I may visit her grave

Late at night

If my ex died, I’d show up. I don’t think anyone there would know me (except her mother); it’s been 35 years and two marriages (for her) ago.

If I died first, I’m not sure she’d show up. It would upset my wife terribly. She bears no animus toward me (and last I heard she was was guilty at the way she treated me), but she’s always been a touchy subject for my wife.

Considering my ex has lung cancer, this is not exactly an academic exercise for me.

I would go to his funeral. We have two children and 4 grandchildren together. They would need my support.

I spent the past Easter Sunday with his entire extended family (he was there, as well.) My mother-in-law was my mother-in-law for 35 years and that’s not about to stop. I get on fine with all my ex’s family.

I think it depends on if you remained in contact and if you had kids. If you had cordial contact and there were kids involved - certainly. If you didn’t, no.

If my ex shows up at my funeral, I think I’d raise from the dead.

Its also important to show decorum. When my brother in law passed, he had a long term girlfriend who stood by him through two years of cancer. He also left my husband and his mother. They were the ones there every minute of his last weeks - he was never alone. One of his ex’s pulled the grieving widow bit - she’s remarried - but she showed up at both the funeral and the wake demanding center stage. Fortunately, everyone who would be most hurt was too numb to notice until long after the fact.

I would go and take our kids.

I don’t care who shows up at my funeral, I’ll be dead.

We had 3 kids. We have learned to get along and be civil. If she died, I would go, and vice-versa.

Her husband’s mother died a couple of years ago. I never knew the lady. I attended the memorial service.

We live an hour apart, so, not too far away.

When my husband died in November, I was all right with his ex-wife attending although he hated her with a passion until the very end. To my way of thinking, my step-son would need her there and, as was so eloquently stated up thread, he wasn’t going to know. And besides, he’d truly do the right thing for his kid anyway, so I knew the onus was just on me to deal. Which the whole thing ended up being fine. I was way too numb and had more important things to get through than paying much attention beyond civility to her.

I’ve only been married once (and am still married to her :slight_smile: ), but there are three other women with whom I had very serious relationships, and so, they’re ex-SOs.

I’m on good terms with all three, but the first one (my first real girlfriend) I’m only in contact with thanks to Facebook, and our relationship isn’t close – before we reconnected on FB last year, we hadn’t spoken in over a decade, and we really don’t talk much now. Between that, and the fact that she lives 1500 miles away, I highly doubt that I would attend her funeral.

My other two ex-SOs, I’m still much closer to as friends (and always have been). As things stand with each of them today, if they were to die, I can guarantee that I’d be at their funerals. In the case of one of them, she got married last year (after we broke up, she realized that she was bisexual, and preferred women…she and her girlfriend were finally able to get married), and not only was I able to attend their wedding, but my ex’s family was thrilled to see me (it’d been nearly 30 years).

No. Nothing personal, but I have plans that day.

My kids would not be surprised. I generally do not attend funerals and they know that.

I never had a relationship that would qualify as “ex” - we dated a while, it never went anywhere, life went on. I doubt that my husband would even hear if his ex died, and vice-versa.

When my sister’s ex-husband died, she didn’t find out about it till long after he was buried. Just recently, her ex-long-time-SO died, but she didn’t go to his funeral. I know she extended condolences to his sister, since their friendship survived the break-up.

I’m pretty sure my daughter wouldn’t go to her ex’s funeral, and I’d doubt he’d even find out about hers.

My ex is a devout Jehovah’s Witness and I’m an ex-JW. If she died, I would go to her funeral for my daughter’s sake, and I’d probably be welcomed by my ex’s non-JW family. The JWs who would be present from her congregation would undoubtedly shun me.

A lot depends but ----- all her family who hated me are long dead so I would be safe visiting her funeral. And since she and my wife get along pretty well, she’ll probably be more than welcome at mine.

I guess it depends. I think I’d be getting some pretty dirty looks if the cops made me wear handcuffs.

We have kids and grand kids, so I will go to give them support, especially if my ex mil is still alive to go because she made my life miserable during out marriage and I know all the buttons to send her into a total panic attack. And for all our friends that turned their back on me after our separation, I will show my icy cold stare that says I will kick your ass across the room in an instant. Yea, it’s gonna be my revenge I suppose.

IIRC, after spending the last several years criticising Sonny Bono, Cher was upset that Bono’s widow didn’t invite her to speak at his funeral.

My ex and I had no children together. We had no reason to maintain contact after it was over. If she hasn’t already passed, I have no interest in attending her service. I can’t imagine her attending mine.