Not for starting nuthin’… but why does that need to be dealt with?
Dealt with how?
I’m a *laine pure * (dyed in the wool) hetero male. I admire beauty in women and men but I’m only stirred physically and emotionally by the female gender. Having said that, my best friend of more than 20 years is gay and it’s my fondest hope that he’ll continue to be my closest and dearest friend until the end of my days. I say this because I want to make it clear that I’m not a stranger to gay culture in its many forms. Sure, not on a “one of us” level but as close as I can be given my sexual identity.
Having said that, it had become obvious to me many years ago while being around by best friend, that gay men (like straight men) do modify their behaviour to suit their social surroundings. I’m guessing this isn’t something most people here will disagree with.
Now I’ll admit to not being comfortable in a room full of very feminine men. Not wierded out uncomfortable but simply out of my element. Having said that, not being a major league sports enthusiast, I’m equally uncomfortable in a room full of cheering jocks watching their sport of choice. Same for a room full of devoutly observant/religious people. And though I’ve never had the opportunity, I suspect I would feel the same in a room full of good ol’ boys and/or home boys.
So what does all that mean? That I need to deal with my response to these situations? Or that these groups are far enough outside my frame of reference of relatable behaviour that I simply can’t find enough common ground to fit in successfully?
So what’s to be done? I certainly don’t expect their behaviour to be modified for my benefit. I also don’t think it’s fair to ask me to become more interested in spectator sports or trucks & guns or purses & shoes or god.
So I ask again… what is to be dealt with and why (in service of what)??
As I’ve said a number of times previously, there’s dislike that comes out of taste, and there’s dislike that comes out of discomfort with someone’s violating gender roles. THe second is the problem.
It’s dealt with through education, example, and patience, and it takes a long time, but it happens.
I want to point out that there’s a big and important difference between “why are you like that? it’s unnatural, so there must be a good explanation” and “why are you like that? it’s unusual, so there might be an interesting explanation”.
Maybe I’m clueless, but what’s the big deal about flamers, anyway? I’ve always thought they were cool. I’ve had gay male friends and never felt uncomfortable around nellies.
Then again, although I’m very hetero myself, I’ve always been a bit “faggy.” Not to the point of being teased or beat up, but I played with dolls and both girls and boys as a young kid. Played more with other guys in my pre-teen years and enjoyed neighborhood sports. But have never been much into pro sports or the whole jock bravado. People have wondered whether I’m gay from time to time.
As someone who has a gender neutral personality, I find myself asking the same question–but in reverse. I don’t “get” how it’s so easy for some people (a lot of people) to fall in line with gender roles. I can accept that men and women are hard-wired to think differently, but I don’t understand why that must be translated into uniform behavior.
I know there’s some kind of rule about ressurecting dead threads (at least I assume there is) I just thought the people who were kind enough to write in this thread would like an update:
I met the guy, he seems nice, none of my vague and weird fears were realized (whatever that would have been) and I’ve been helping out pretty regularly, and in fact he asked me to write a paper for the organization.
So I got that goin’ for me, which is nice.
Thank you to everyone who responded, you’re all good folks.