Explain to me these "Confucius say.."

Cafe Society
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[QUOTE=BrainGlutton]
Confucius say, “The way of the superior man is threefold, but I am not equal to it. Virtuous, he is free from anxieties; wise, he is free from perplexities; bold, he is free from fear.”

OK, it’s not funny. But Confucius did say it!
[/QUOTE]

The silly thing is, when I was a tot, I wanted to learn about the real Confucius, so I bought one of those “Confucius Says” joke books in the mistaken belief that it was a book of genuine quotes…

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Confucius say, When man make love to woman, energy go to waist.

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[QUOTE=Nic2004]
Confucius say, When man make love to woman, energy go to waist.
[/QUOTE]

Or as my dad used to say: If you ain’t usin’ it, build a shed over it.

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Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.

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It is good for girl to meet boy in park, but better for boy to park meat in girl.

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It takes many nails to build crib…but only one screw to fill it.

Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.

Man who sit on tack get point.

Man who leaps from tall building, jumps to conclusion.

Foolish man give wife grand piano. Wise man give wife upright organ.

They just get worse and worse, don’t they?

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Specifically, it’s a blackthorn walking stick, made according to the traditional methods used for ceremonial warhammers. But it’s emphatically not a weapon… You wouldn’t confiscate an old man’s walking stick, would you? The fact that the big knobby handle is perfect for knocking English bastards upside the head is, of course, pure coincidence.

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[QUOTE=Bren_Cameron]
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
[/QUOTE]

Man who lives in glass house should take hot showers

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[QUOTE=Phase42]
Re: the “man who keep feet on the ground” -

It’s usually “keep both feet on the ground”.

Another variation of the joke:

“Show me a man with both feet on the ground and I’ll show you a man who can’t put on his pants.”
[/QUOTE]

“A Conservative is a man with both feet planted firmly on the ground, rendering him incapable of any forward movement.”

Cal Meacham say: “Author who is always picking nose becomes big success in Sinus Friction.”

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[QUOTE=CalMeacham]
Sorry to be the bearer of cold water, but it’s my $0.02.
[/QUOTE]

:: puts hands over nipples ::

Confucius say penis has hole in end so man can be open minded.

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Man who lives in glass house should not play naked twister with farm animals.

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Moderator comments:
Otanx has noticed that the prior post to this thread was from 2006, so it’s a three years old zombie. We don’t normally care much about such resurrections in Cafe Society forum, but please be aware that some of the earlier posters might not be around any more, and might not respond to newer comments.

Please note:

  • IF you have “Confucius say” jokes that you want explained, it’s OK to post them here.
  • HOWEVER, if you just want to share such jokes (e.g., Otanx’s post), they probably belong in the Game Room (a forum that didn’t exist when this thread was started)