Redbloom, I have almost exact same issues with my wife. About six weeks ago I realized that she had been carrying on facebook conversation for over three years (!) with a former lover of hers (from prior to her marriage) whom I specifically told during our first year of our marriage NEVER to contact her again when he called our marital home asking for her.
As you stated in your marriage, I’ve found a lot of other stuff that have caused EXTREME TRUST ISSUES.