Family Guy: What does Stewie know/not know?

After making my eyes bleed by watching the first boxed DVD set of Family Guy entirely too fast, I have been utterly fascinated by what Stewie knows and doesn’t know that would be a bit quirky at his age (despite the ability to talk). I’ve made a preliminary list off the top of my head, anyone want to keep adding on to it?


Orgasm (or at least how to fake it)
Time machine creation
Operating a death ray
Familiar with Benetton commercial

Doesn’t know:

Toilet training
Vaccines and their purposes

What else does Stewie know or not know?

He knows a few song and dance routines, how to give elocution lessons, and that Bill Cosby is annoying…

Sadly, he doesn’t know how to STOP Bill Cosby from being annoying.


Where babies come from.

Does not know:

What an OB/Gyn is/does.


The Weakest Link (and by extension that quoting catchphrases is lame)

Knows not:




How to fly alone on an airliner

Tommy Tutone

How to encase someone in carbonite

Doesn’t know:

Own phone number


“The guy who owns this place.”

Knows that it’s SO easy to take the piss out of Jay Leno, but for goodness’ sake he’s out there every night with fresh material, and he’s charming!

He also knows about the ending scene from the Hulk tv show (David Banner walking along hitching cars with his jacket over his shoulder while sad piano music plays).

In fact he does a great impression of it, considering the show was, what, twenty years older than him.

He knows about homosexuality. In fact he’s hoping he turns out to be homosexual.

He knows that women complain about childbirth.

He doesn’t know that his Sesame Street phone is not a real phone, or that Rupert, a stuffed toy, is not actually his henchman.


Peter is 42

Doesn’t know-

Peters name. Or at least has never mentioned it.

Knows: The treatement for severe snakebite.

Doesn’t know: The difference between a real snakebite victim and an actor.

He knows:

Racial tensions and ethnic cleansing (Love Thy Trophy)

He doesn’t know:

erections “Hmm…it seems my wee-wee has been strucken with a sudden case of rigor mortis” (the episode where he becomes a cheerleader)

Doesn’t know: That there’s reasons one might suck on a person’s body-parts that don’t involve snakebites.

He knows how to throw a sexy party. He also knows a lot of babes he can invite to his sexy parties.

He knows how to acquire weapons.

However, he doesn’t know how to acquire food (he admits to his dependence upon Lois and Peter in this regard) or how to change himself.

Knows About:

  • Radioactivity
  • Musical theory
  • Musical theatre (dancing, singing, etc.)
  • Fred Astaire / the movie “Royal Wedding”
  • Ovulation

Doesn’t Know About:

  • Reality

He does know how to be cool. (And the Weiner is)

He knows “Rocket Man,” and how to do pretty good stand-up.

He doesn’t know that Santa Claus isn’t real (although that’s a matter of debate in the Family Guy world - we don’t necessarily know it was Santa who gave Stewie the plutonium), nor that most people aren’t as conniving as him (especially Lois).

I figure that, since the Grinch is well, Santa is also.

I very much enjoyed the episode where he discovered pancakes.

“Oh, my GOD! These are better than SEX!”

He knows who he’d do.
“I’d do her… I’d do her… Wouldn’t do her… I’d do her… Oh, god, who hasn’t done her?”

He doesn’t know what children draw these days.
“It’s… it’s a pheasant!”