Are there any online support groups (sort of like Alanon) for the family members of the mentally ill?
Without airing out my dirty laundry, my mom is physically disabled with back problems and trumps that with mid-range mental problems such as depression and post-traumatic stress disorder. Combine that with trying to fully get through menopause…she’s a wreck…cries, isolates herself, emotionally destructive, alcohol, etc. Sometimes she makes comments like “I’m not going to kill myself or anything”…which worries me just as much as if she said she was thinking of it.
My wife and I took her in because Dad left her when she got sick and now she’s forced to live on SS ($603/month). So now she’s got the guilt about that. And I’m at a loss. I don’t know how to help her. We try and get her as much help as possible with her medication, hormones, etc…but dealing with the gov’t is enough to make a sane person go off…much less someone who isn’t as stable. And we really can’t afford to get her full medical and mental help out of our pockets. So I guess what I’m looking for is other people going thru the same thing.
Have you tried the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill? They have a chapter in Texas. NAMI-Texas
“NAMI Texas’ e-groups are on-line communities that exchange information related to mental illness. Each group has a special focus and aims to keep the subscribers of each in continuous contact with one another so a network of information is available to anyone who has an e-mail address and an interest.”
NAMI was originally set up by parents of the mentally ill; I hope they also deal with adults caring for mentally ill parents.
First, I’d like to say how nice it is that you and your wife took your Mom in. Too often these days, families don’t stick together like they used to. My Mom was with me for a while. She died two years ago February 2nd. I miss her dearly.
My Mom was an alcoholic and prone to depression. She also suffered terribly from back problems (spurs and scoliosis). I think the back pain contributed greatly to her depression. Many a night I spent talking to her on the phone, for hours.
At one point, I had to do something that has stood out in my life as one of the most difficult things I ever had to do. Once, when she lived on her own, I drove 45 minutes to check on her because she didn’t answer the phone, only to find her passed out on the floor (again). I took her to a psychiatric hospital with a treatment facility (without her prior knowledge and without her willing consent). It turned out to be the best thing I ever did. She made friends in AA and went to the meetings religiously.
Many years later, she resumed drinking to a point, but it never got as bad as it was. She never went back to drinking whiskey.
The most practical advice I can give you is to be as positive as you can to your Mom right now. She needs to feel good about herself. She is punishing herself for perceived ills and lost opportunities. Praise her. Make her feel worthy. If she is good at anything (cooking, etc.) enlist her help and heap praise on her for doing it. She’s not in her own home now and needs to feel useful and not like a burden.
Good luck. You sound like a great son. She’s lucky to have you.
Thanks for the messages. While I was waiting for responses I discovered a website that deals with depression fallout…the term meaning the issues the family deals with.
The worst thing is the crazier she gets, I start to feel that way too…like I’m going crazy. I had no idea that (according to this website) 40% of those dealing with a mentally ill family member take on some of the same depressed states as those with the illness. http://www.depressionfallout.com/board.html
metro - It’s depressing being around someone who’s depressing! It’s not you. And, I hope you know my advice and my comments are just based on suppositions I made from my own experience. I’m certainly not presuming to tell you what to do.
You might want to look into ACOA, as well. While it’s technically Adult Children of Alcoholics, according to a friend of mine who goes to their meetings, it’s more like Adult Children of Anything.
Hi Metro, I too think it’s courageous of you to take in your Mom. I have a sister who is mentally ill, and I have had to take her into my home in the past. Yes, sometimes I felt like she was making me nuts too <probably not too far of a drive ! ;)> but all in all, I was glad I could help.
I also like NAMI’s web resources. Sometimes it also helps me to read message boards etc. which are frequented by other folks who share my sister’s illness. This helps me to “get inside her head”.
Also another plug for ACOA: it practically saved my life. That is a wonderful, wonderful program.
Hang in there, good luck, and if you need to vent sometimes send me an e-mail. ((hugs))
And, I hope you know my advice and my comments are just based on suppositions I made from my own experience. I’m certainly not presuming to tell you what to do.