This is not a cry out for attention. I need to look for some help dealing with the loss of my wife. She did suicide and its been a few years but, I have issues that I’m afraid I just can’t handle by myself.
I’m unemployed, have no savings and have been through the grief counceling offered by my local Hospice.
I’m in no way saying that I want to do anything to harm myself.
the smile on the outside is wearing thin and my family (Mother,uncle) near me is too busy drinking every day and telling me what a piece of crap I am to even think about my feelings.
My daughter is in her senior year of high school and is the one who is keeping me, through guilt, off the booze and drugs.
I guess I’d feel much better if I could get past the history I have here as an asshole and open a dialog with folks who will give and take with me as the fragile person that I am.
Is there a Survivors of Suicide support group near where you live? I went for a while probably about four or five years after my mom killed herself, which is when everything was really starting to hit me. Going to those meetings really helped me at the time, although I was by far the youngest person there. Now that my dad is dying, I’m thinking about going back because it’s churning up a lot of issues I thought were resolved. Sadly, I’m pretty sure I’ll still be among the youngest there.
On preview, I see your second post. I’ve lurked here a long time, but you don’t stand out to me as one of the board’s assholes. I will definitely treat you delicately because I understand where you’re coming from.
Your local community with have a community mental health center. They will offer therapy on a sliding scale. If you PM me with your location, I will find yours for you.
Claude I don’t have a memory of you as an asshole. (Perhaps because all the bigger assholes out there are stealing your limelight?)
I don’t have any good advice but I just wanted to chime in and say I hope you find the support you need. Support groups may sound offputting (I know they would be for me) but give them a try. Take your daughter too - she’s probably in a tough spot too right?
Can you distance yourself from your mother and uncle for a while, until you’re feeling able to ask them to stop treating you the way they do? There’s no point in confronting them while you’re feeling like this, but some time away from them, and the resulting lack of insults, might help you build up some confidence and help start things rolling.
Do you have local friends? Or even hang out with the parents of your daughter’s friends? I think some non-destructive social interaction, even if your smile is wearing thin, might help.
I am employed but just barely and qualified for free mental health services through my county’s Department of Health and Human Services.
I just went to the county’s .gov website and searched “mental health”
You pretty much have to take what you can get. THey just gave me my first appointment and I didn’t get to say “gee I was thinking I might work better with a woman therapist” and sometimes my appointments are 2 weeks apart (the goal) and sometimes they are 3 or 4 apart. But it’s more help than I had before, and it does help.
And I unload a ton of stuff I can’t say to family or friends in a journal, which frees up my brain for other stuff. Just a spiral notebook.
I’m sorry that you’re struggling. I hope you find the help you seek, and some peace.
Also, I don’t think of you as one of the board’s resident jackholes. But even if you were, I would want to offer you whatever help I could. Jerks need love and support, too.
First off, my very best to you during this difficult time. You and your daughter are in my thoughts and prayers.
If there are alcohol issues in your family, which it sounds as though there are, you could try Alanon, which is free. Wouldn’t help with all of the other stuff, though there are probably people there who have gone through similar stuff.
twicks, who originally got into recovery after the suicide of her best friend
(and, BTW, I have a fairly extensive mental list of who the assholes are, and you’re not on it)
If you want a little joy and happiness infusion, to turn your world around, I suggest you go bring a stranger some little joy or happiness. If you’re unemployed you ought to have the time. There are people in your community who could benefit from some of your time or energy.
Sometimes you have to be willing to give, what you want to get. You want support and assistance within your community. So go out and find away to give some of that to your community and see what comes back at you.
