My Little Sister

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

On Sunday, August 18th my youngest sister died of suicide by gun. She was 50 years old, she had two amazing young adult kids, she had been divorced for around 10 years but had met an amazing guy about 7 years ago. He would have done anything for her. She had 3 sisters (and their husbands), a aunt she was very close to, and our mom. Plus three nieces and 8 great-nieces and nephews. We were all close and most of us lived within 5-10 miles apart.

In her 30s, she had numerous back surgeries. At some point she became addicted to the pain killers. She struggled with that for 10 years but had come out of it and was doing really good. She had her own house cleaning business. She had a house, vehicles, a dog and a cat. She was living a normal, stable life.

She had anxiety and some depression but she never outwardly showed it. She was with us for celebrations, get togethers, outings, shared meals, she spent weekends at the family cabin with other family members, played with the little kids, on and on. She always seemed happy.

That Sunday morning she told her partner that she wasn’t feeling well and was going to go back to bed. She gave him a kiss and told him she loved him and did the same with the dog. She went back upstairs to the bedroom and within 3 minutes she was gone.

The whole family is reeling from this. We are all so sad, in shock, disbelief, and are still trying to process it. I understand that the person that does this feels they have no other choice and probably is not in their right mind, but if they only realized the devastation that they will leave behind. And more importantly, (in my sister’s case at least) that they have so many people that love them and care about them and would do anything to help them. Her kids have so much to deal with now and they both live out of state. Besides losing their mother, they had to make funeral arrangements, they will have to deal with the house and vehicles, all the stuff in the house. Luckily her partner took the dog and a niece is taking the cat.

None of us will ever fully recover from this.

2

And then, one day, a bomb goes off in your life.

I’m on the verge of tears, just having read this. I’m so painfully sorry for what all of you have lost, and for all you must be – and will be – feeling.

My deepest condolences. Just … heart-breaking.

3

@TRC4941, I am so sorry.

Please accept my condolences for a loss that, as you rightly point out, will be difficult to process and will remain with you for all the rest of your days. Hugs to you.

4

This is the saddest story I have read here in a long time. I can’t imagine the loss you and your family are dealing with.

I had a close friend commit suicide some years ago and no one saw it coming. When you were around him he was the bright spot in the room. But, in a dark moment in the middle of the night he shot himself.

I do not know what was haunting him (well…we have some good guesses) but I can never stop thinking that if he had only stuck it out for another 10 minutes he’d still be here with us. I cannot being to guess what was in your sister’s mind when she did this but I again think if only she just put it off for a few minutes she might still be here. I say that as a message to anyone reading this who might find themselves in a dark moment.

So sorry about your sister. It must be crushing for you and your family.

5

24/7 free and confidential support by phone, text, or online chat.

6

@TRC4941, I am so sorry!

– and I really don’t know what else to say. Hold on to each other.

7

My heart is crying for you and your family right now. I am sending hugs, I am so extremely sorry for your loss.

8

So sorry to hear this.

9

I am so, so sorry to hear about this. It’s like a bomb has gone off and left a crater in the middle of your lives. My heart is breaking for you and your family.

My uncle took his own life in 2016, also on a Sunday morning. His partner of 45 years was in the next room, heard the shot, and didn’t know what it was at first. The two of them had spent the morning making plans to go to the park that afternoon. There is no way to wrap your head around that. There may never be.

I am so very sorry.

Let us know how you and the family are doing.

10

Oh, @TRC4941. I wish you and all your family strength to withstand this.

11

Just another word of support, even though I know words can’t begin to help. Suicide reverberates through families like nothing else does. I am so sorry.

12

I too lost a sister to suicide by gun. It was almost 50 years ago now and the immediate horror has been replaced by deep regret that I never got to grow old with her, and sorrow that her demons out-talked our love of her.

I am more sorry for your pain than I can say.

13

I am so very very sorry. I will be holding all of you in the light. :candle::candle::candle:

14

My most sincere sympathy. Just a couple weeks ago, my stepfather’s stepdaughter from his first marriage committed suicide. Her family will never be the same - she left behind a severely autistic son, with no plans for his welfare.

StG

15

I can’t even imagine the grief. I’m so very sorry.

16

Very sorry to hear this, best wishes to you and family.

17

I am so very sorry. Your story about your son has stayed with me as one of the saddest I’ve read here. And now, this. My heart breaks for you.

18

This is just terrible, awful. @TRC4941 I am so very sorry for your loss.

19

What a terrible thing for you and your family.

The days will tough.
So so sorry.

20

TRC4941, I’m very sorry this has happened to you and your family. I’m sorry you are now part of the devastation she left behind. You’re right, you don’t “fully recover” – you gradually absorb it and integrate it, and you can keep going on and continue to find joy in your life. But it’s a different life.

You and your family members might greatly benefit by joining a suicide bereavement support group. These groups are all people who have lost someone they love, they’re all people who have been, and are, there. The groups are free volunteer organizations. They’re peer support groups. Disclosure: I’m co-facilitator of one such group, having lost my father at 12 and grown up with suicide. You can find all sorts of resources at afsp.org, and can find support groups in particular here: