Shot himself in the head last night. Just started high school. My sister’s a wreck and from what I hear, her husband is even worse. They left already, and the rest of us are all trying to figure out how we’re going to travel the 1,000 miles to attend the funeral.
I guess it fits the pattern. Abusive mom. Abusive step-dad. A teen mother for a sister. A drug-dealing arsonist for a brother. An entire family of tragedy.
After the fire incident, the mother sent the brother to live with my sister and her husband (the kid’s dad). While they’ve had their struggles with his attitude and…some other things…he’s generally calmed down and started on the straight-and-narrow. Now my sister is wondering if she could’ve done the same thing with the dead boy. She’ll never know.
Sorry, but with all the step-this, and sister and kid’s dad and stuff, I’m probably not the only one confused as to your relationship. Can you clarify a wee bit please?
ETA: nm. I think I get it. I’m sorry for your loss.
Sorry to hear about this. You’ll make it through, but it still sucks.
What you should be doing is filling the role you do best. Provide comfort if you can. Some people are simply resolute in stressful times and aid others by providing stability. Help others coordinate plans if you can do that. Sounds like your sister really needs support here. Her life is going to continue to be affected by this if I understand the relationships.
Offer to help in whatever way you can. Do laundry, make phone calls, clean the house, cook or order food when needed. Help your sister and her husband to get some sleep, offer hugs and compassion. Drive them around and take notes at funeral homes or other places where they need to get information, make sure you help them know everything they need to know to get past this first little while.
Perhaps offer to talk to your step-nephew’s school, to talk to the principal about it and be the go-to in case there are any questions or issues arising on that end. Your sister and her husband probably don’t need to be the ones trying to explain what happened and why – be their representative. There were probably classmates or friends that will be very upset and might want to come over or talk to the family; see if you can manage that for them (though on re-read, it looks like he lived more with his mom that with his dad, but still, it could happen and be prepared for it).
Really, just be there. That’s what your sister needs.
So he was still living with his abusive parents? He may have started taking more of the brunt of his parents’ insanity if they went from 3 kids under their roof to 2. Also, losing the daily presence of his older brother may have hit him really hard. The kid may be a criminal arsonist, but that doesn’t mean his brother didn’t still look up to him.
Very sad. Most of all, I hope that the teenage-mom daughter sees how serious the situation is, and prevents her kid from being exposed to its toxic grandparents.
My sister married a man with three teenage kids. They have a crazy bio mom who has a mean, new husband. The daughter got pregnant at 17 (?), one set the barn on fire and later accidentally set himself on fire, and one just shot himself.
Well, fuck. I live 400 miles away from them, so “just be there” is the opposite of what I can do. Money…now that, I have. It’s kinda my role in this family.
Ah, that really does suck. Maybe what you can do for your sister (and her husband) is to keep reassuring them that it wasn’t their fault; maybe they could have done more, but they didn’t create this situation, and they didn’t have God-like powers to see what was going to happen and fix everything (if everyone else involved would have even let them try).
And yeah, what Cat Whisperer said. Maybe the dead boy would be ok if he’d gone to your sister, or maybe the presence of two troubled teens in the house would simply have overwhelmed her and the boys’ dad. Nobody can tell. Your sister and brother-in-law did the best they could in a fucked up situation.
Good point. They probably will feel guilty about it even though rationally there is no way that they could have expected this to happen. Even if they knew he was depressed or suicidal, there is only so much that you can do from the outside to help someone who is feeling suicidal. Even if you have all the concern in the world for someone, that person has to want to accept the help.
I just talked to my brother to ask if he’d be going down to the funeral. I expected him to either say yes, or that he was too poor. I was wrong.
My brother-in-law, the father to these kids, is an alcoholic. He’s pretty much drunk all day long. Apparently one night when my brother, who lives with them, was downstairs, he heard some yelling upstairs between my sister and brother-in-law. He says he heard “something bad” and had to come to my sister’s rescue. Once he reached the top of the steps, my BiL punched him in the head, knocking him down. “It’s hard to remember,” he tells me, but somehow the BiL ended up also punching my brother’s girlfriend in the eye, resulting in three stitches.
So to recap, this guy beat up my sister, brother, and brother’s girlfriend. Amazing.
Speaking of money, here’s one more kick in the balls: I tried calling my sister but her phone isn’t working. I called the phone company and they said she’s out of money- it’s prepaid, I guess. I asked to check her account, but of course I’m not allowed. I don’t have her PIN. She could call to refill her phone, but she’s broke after spending money on three last-second plane tickets.
So the one with the PIN has no money and those with money have no PIN, while those parties can’t talk to each other because one has a bum phone.
WTF, universe. WTF. :mad:
ETA: Had an idea! I looked up the funeral home online and their website says “Our telephones are answered 24 hours a day.” Perfect! Ring…ring…“I’m not available at this time, but if…” click. Fuck right off.
They won’t let you pay on the account with a credit card, just because you don’t have the PIN # for the account? If I were you, I would call back and ask to speak to a supervisor, explain the situation and see if they’ll make an exception. I mean, you’re trying to GIVE them money, fer Christ’s sake! Can’t hurt to try.
Most of all, I hope that the teenage-mom daughter sees how serious the situation is, and prevents her kid from being exposed to its toxic grandparents.
:mad: