Really sorry to read this. My condolences.
Gut wrenching news, such a terrible tragedy. I’m sorry.
36 years ago this June my oldest sister killed herself. The details differ, but I understand your pain.
Things will get better, but it does leave a scar on your heart forever.
Take care of yourself and your family. You can always come talk to us here.
Oh no. I am so, so sorry.
What a genuine tragedy. I am so sorry for you and your family.
mmm
I truly appreciate everyone’s support, sympathy, and condolences. I am thankful for you all.
The funeral was yesterday and though it was so sad and heart-wrenching it was so uplifting to see all of the people that loved and cared for her and for her entire family. The outpouring of love was simply amazing. I saw people that I grew up with in my childhood neighborhood!
Her daughter and son made numerous beautiful picture boards and one of our cousins made a dvd slideshow of pictures and video snippets. There were pictures dating back to when she was a newborn to one week before she died. It was a video of her at the cabin playing an outdoor version of musical chairs with our great-niece and other family members. She was laughing and dancing around like she didn’t have a care in the world. I wonder, we all wonder, if she had already planned it by that time and was feeling relieved that she had a plan in place that would end her inner turmoil.
Like some of you said, if she would have only waited a few more minutes. She wasn’t alone. Her boyfriend was just downstairs, why didn’t she say to him - I need help right now.? Didn’t she want to see her kids get married and have babies? Didn’t she think of how this would affect her elderly mom? There are so many questions that will never have answers.
Looking at all of the pictures there were so many of the four sisters. The first one is of us holding her as a new baby with her baptism cake in the foreground. Pictures of us dressed up for so many Halloweens and around the Christmas trees. Every time we had any kind of get together we’d have someone take a bunch of pictures of us four. The last picture of the four of us was taken in June. One of the sisters lives out of state and she and her husband came up for a visit. So we had a sisters’ night at their hotel. We all crowded into the big jacuzzi bathtub (empty tub and fully clothed!), set up the timer on a phone camera and took a really great picture. That picture is now framed and on my wall. It’s been the four of us for 50 years. We’ve been together for good, bad, and sad times. We celebrated every holiday and birthday together. We may not have always agreed with each other and we fought like sisters do, but we always loved each other. There are now only three. We feel the empty space physically. She was part of us, part of the four. We will hold her close in our hearts forever.
I am thankful that I have faith. I know in the split second of her death that she started a new amazing life that I can only imagine. She has no more worries, no more depression or anxiety and feels no more pain. I know that our dad and my son were there to welcome her and hold her tight.
Again, thank you all so much. You have touched my heart.
I’m so sorry. My cousin killed himself for similar reasons–anxiety and depression so severe that he couldn’t hold a job or have a relationship. He had been institutionalized a couple times and was terrified of it happening again. So, I actually kind of get it in his case. But, it pretty much killed my aunt. She was never the same. Take care of yourself and your loved ones!
So very sorry for the loss and pain that your family is going through.
Sibling loss is sometimes called the “forgotten grief”:
The Forgotten Grief: Understanding Sibling Loss and Its Unique Challenges — Mindful Counseling and Wellness LLC
Thank you for checking in with an update. We’re all very interested in how you and your family are doing.
I’m an only child. How I would have loved to grow up with multiple sisters-- and to be close and have memories from all those years.
Reading this statement broke my heart into a million pieces. You three still have each other-- but that vacancy… oh Lord. 
I second the idea of a support group, either in person or online. I participated in an online support group after my husband died and it was immensely helpful to communicate with people who had walked in your shoes. I preferred an online group because, like here, you can pop in any hour of the day or night. Of course, there are no in-person hugs.
Thank you all for your support and concern. I’m not sure about counseling, maybe at some point.
It’s already been a whole week since the funeral and now that things have quieted down, I have time to relax and take some breaths. I do a lot of thinking. I feel sad when I think that she didn’t think we could help her in some way. I know there will never be any answers that will make us feel better. There were letters she left. Her daughter and son have them. I am hoping that at some point they will share them with us. But that will be up to them. Like I said, I don’t think that what she wrote will clear anything up or give any answers. It might make us sadder. We won’t be able to tell her that there is another choice.
I’m lucky to have a family that is close in distance and in how we treat each other. None of us are alone, we always have each other. We will always talk about our little sister and we will laugh and cry. And we will be angry too. If only we could turn back the hands of time.
damn, i just found this thread having to deal with a sudden loss of my own … but I’m glad you have a supportive family and hope you and them find reluctant acceptance if not peace …
Thank you so much.
I’m sorry for your loss. No matter who, how, or when it’s really hard. Grief is something that no one understands until they’ve experienced it. I hope you are surrounded by love.