My sides are hurting from laughing at this thread!
A few years ago, Mr. SCL and I were in bed. He had gone to bed before I did, and appeared to be asleep - and I felt the urge. The room was cold, the bed was warm, and I didn’t want to get up - and he’s asleep, right? So I let 'er rip. A symphonic effort - notable for both volume and duration. At last, silence.
Then I hear: “Daaaaaaaaamn, honey, you coulda tried out for the Army band with that one!”
My husband and I are quite comfortable farting in front of each other. And yes, we blame it on the cats, especially when they aren’t even in the room (well, me more than him - he’s quite proud of his prowess with the assplosions).
He got a recipe for great farts from somewhere - lots of protein followed by lots of sugar - bonus points for mixing in some spices and peppers for extra flavour. It seems to work for him (he likes his protein to be chicken wings, and his sugar to be beer). Fortunately, we have an air cleaner in the bedroom for occasions just like that.
You know what’s even worse? when you’re at work and you bend over to pick something up, and the fart escapes faster than you can squeeze your sphincter shut and the sound is akin to hazardous materials leak warning siren and the sound just goes on and on and . . . yeah, that was me.
Great stories. My SO and I fart around each other all the time… well, me more than her. Ours both tend to be silent, but mine are deadly whereas hers are mostly unnoticeable.
I bet nobody here has brought down an airplane with his or her fart though.
In another thread I talk about changing my diet to one of low sodium.
Well, that started yesterday and I began by having a meal of rice mixed with steamed vegetables, and today even my cat Bert, who usually likes to lie very close to me in the bed, will have nothing to do with me.
Today I have an odor not unlike one one would find in a cow barn.
With this smell, I think I would hold it in until I imploded.
I can’t see me doing this type of damage to anyone, especially my SO.
I am reminded of my uncle’s second wedding. Held on February the 14th, it was such a romantic day. I have twin cousins, who were barely a month old at the time. I am holding Josh, a gorgeous blue eyed blonde boy in a green onesie. In the middle of the vows, I feel a rumble against my hand. Josh has let one rip and he looks a little bit surprised but relieved. My aunt (Josh’s mother) looks at me and I point to him. No way am I being blamed for that one. Thank God only she heard it (or only she pointed out that she’d heard it.)
What made it so bad is that it was so loud and went on for so long that my cubicle mates couldn’t pretend they didn’t hear anything. I’m not sure which is worse: loud, crude catcalls from men, or the giggling and the paper fan rustling from the women. I’ve got to get some ass plugs or I’ll never hear the end of this.
Bookstore farts are a special class unto themselves. Work in a bookstore and you get to know the waft patterns caused by how the shelf layout and the ventilation system interact.
Hell, that’s a special part of holiday shopping, walking into someone else’s emission cloud in a store. I swear that some people only go to the store during severe bouts of giardia and after eating a jar of pickled eggs. At least it cuts through the vague cologne smell that most stores have these days.
We went to a picnic a few summers ago. They had beer,hot dogs,chili .chili dogs and popcorn. We played baseball and jumped up and down playing volleyball.
That night a loud noise woke me up. I quickly figured it out. I farted so loudly hat I woke myself up. It reeked. I looked at my wife to see if she noticed. It certainly wasnt something to miss. I looked closely and her nose started twitching like a rabbit. A little movement then a lot more She woke up and said Jesus christ and buried her face in the pillow.
I think she noticed.
And then there’s the gift card shopping gas. My all-time favourite card is the one that says something like, “Hope you like this card. I had to grab one quick while I was holding my breath.”