I have a younger friend who’s 19, and she is nearly broken down. She is a cute friend of mine, but I’m skipping any direct intent to initiate a relationship between us because I notice that, in the background, she’s suffering in silence.
This is the background:
We are good friends and there’s no denial of mutual attraction. She accepts that she feels a great admiration for me and eventually, love, but she is carrying a big weight: her mother is crazy (but I’d like you help me to find the exact word, as my native language is spanish).
Her father works in another city. And the mother shows a loose behavior with men. She has a lover, and in the past she has always cheated her husband with some guys, sometimes younger than her. My friend, (I’ll call her “D”) and her sister always have witnessed her mother’s behavior. She doesn’t care if her daughters see it. The younger sister seems not to care, but D is very aware and conscious of who her mother is.
At first, I thought D was like her mother. But now I realize this is because people in this little town tends to do it (“as daughter as her mother”). In the past two years, we have developed a close relationship that is slowly growing and aiming to love (despite I’m 38). Now, she feels that I am what she recognizes like a father and she agrees that the lyrics of George Michael’s Father Figure are very consistent what we are experimenting. She admires her father too, but the times she have seen him are very few.
Now, because of the bad economic situation they live, she states that in a future she will be by my side, but not now, is a matter of “time”, she says. She keeps coming and knocking at my door, even after a failed romance I had some months ago, and she seems very worried to make me think that *she is not * like her mother. I haven’t ask those demonstrations, she gives them by herself. She even have told me that she doesn’t explain why her father abandoned his first wife to live with her mother, who (in D’s own words) “doesn’t know where her head is”.
Me, as the distrusting being that life has made, thinks that it’s a maquiavelic plan to “trap” a man who live with and eventually loose herself, but the fact is that I’m nearly broke ($), (but I’m fixing myself now), and she knows it and there’s no doubt that she’s not after my money (because I have not enough to mantain her).
You would think “what exactly do you want?”. Advicement: what do I have to think about her? Can I trust her? What proofs I need to see that she is really honest? I know that sometimes being too rational can blind us to identify good intentions, or being too emotional may blind us to see when someone is cheating.
My life is not hanging on this affaire :), but it occupies an important place in my brain, so I would like to hear you. Please ask me if you need more facts.