Father is my Boss and Bullies me

I am in my thirties embarrassing to say. I am quiet nice type. My father is overbearing and angry. I had a job as a university professor. My father owns his own business and persuaded me to come work for him. I took a leave of absence. I get two years. I am already 8 months in. In that time my father has yelled at me three times. I mean rage yelling so people in the office can hear. Getting mad many more times but no yelling. I am also dealing with chronic lyme disease. I went in his office one day and told him I did want to work for him if he is yelling. He went nuts. He told me I am pussy many times screaming again. It is a small office. He said I have physcological problems and don’t have lyme. Now everyone knows I have lyme in the office. That was 4 months ago. I have been getting better on my treatment and feel stronger now. I need to make a decision to tell him that was not right and leave back to the university or just tell him that he is not right and stay for another year and half. I prefer to leave. I don’t really enjoy being abused. I miss my old life. Plus I am stressed around my kids now. I am sure if I talk to him he will be sorry and calm down, but still I feel staying won’t hit the point home, that his behavior is unacceptable. His belief I am sure is that this is a business and people yell and scream and I need to have thicker skin. But when a father humiliates his son in public. Not cool. Any thoughts?

Get your old job back now if you can. Tell your dad why you’re leaving. Then go.

Get your old job back now if you can. Tell your dad why you’re leaving. Then go.

Punch your father

What do you want to bet he’s not an English professor?

Wow, there’s quite the echo in here today.

OP, this is a situation you can unilaterally fix. You boss-father is wrong: yelling is not appropriate business communications, and abuse is not appropriate professional interaction. But I’m sure he won’t listen; he doesn’t strike me as a listener, from your description.

So vote with your feet. Even unemployment and permanent estrangement is better than what you’re putting up with.

thank you for the support. Need the strength .

What’s the question here?

You say he is verbally abusive, and had belittled your illness. You have a good job, you do not need the job working for him.

Is it your over developed sense of loyalty ( and that phrase is not meant as an insult,)that has you even considering staying, or is there an upside that we are unaware of?

Right square in the cooter.

Start writing your tell-all autobiography, Daddy Dearest.

You ARE an adult, and your father’s behavior is inappropriate both workwise and familywise. However…as an adult, it’s your responsibility to decide whether you’re going to allow another adult to treat you like that. You have no legal obligation to remain working for him. You also can’t MAKE him treat you like an adult. You can try to work things out with him, but it’s his decision how to treat you. It’s YOUR decision how to react to that treatment.

If it were me, I’d have been so gone after the first incident, though. Family loyalty can be a noose around your neck sometimes.

Get your old job back now if you can. Tell your dad why you’re leaving. Then go.

(And maybe start therapy to help you establish boundaries. When your father treats you poorly away from the job (and frankly in the job) its your choice to tolerate it or just walk away.)

Just curious…has your dad always been this way? If yes, why the hell would you give up a job to go work for him?

If not, it’s possible he has something medically wrong and needs to see a doctor.

Get your old job back and leave.

In the meantime, DO NOT let him get away with that behavior. When he starts to yell, say, “I will discuss this with you if you stop yelling at me.” If he continues, you say, “I am leaving and we can discuss this later after you’ve calmed down.” Then go. Do not come back, do not respond to anything he screams at you. Do not engage. Do not turn around.

You will need to do this many times. Just shut down the behavior every time it happens. He’ll stop eventually.

You should also acquaint your father with HIPAA. He should not be sharing your health information with other people via screaming.

Even if you can’t get your old job back, get a job at a convenience store or something.

Some people make the choice to love a parent who’s hard to live with. Some people make the choice to stay in a job they don’t like. But why should you choose both?

Yeah. This is what I was going to say. Skip the part about telling your Dad why you’re leaving. Just leave, already. You don’t owe him an explanation and everyone else in the office already knows why you’re leaving.

If you feel you must, print out a basic resignation letter stating that you are ending your employment, effective that day. Sign it. Drop it in the Office Mail. Send copies to anyone on the staff who might need to know that you’re no longer available.

Then leave, and don’t look back.

I was going to say the same. If he’s always been like this you shouldn’t have taken the job in the first place. If this is new behavior, maybe he’s having some neurological issues. It’s even possible he doesn’t know he’s doing it.


He was worse when he was younger. In his personally life he has mellowed out a lot. Gave me a false sense of security. In his business life it is the same old dad. He is aware of his behavior and he is always apologetic but never stops. I would buy into the apology. Everyone is right. Just need to push to do it. So Thank you everyone. FYI. I can have my job back. Starts back in August. So I have 6 months.

Then go deliver pizza for six months before your father stresses you into illness.

FYI. I have two kids and a wife I support.