I have a MD who did a western blot that was positive. I have been on abx for 9 months. Made a big difference. Took 6 months to start to feel better. I am off the abx and doing other treatments that are not as harsh. It is a very controversial diagnosis. Many opinions. I am happy with my doc and my treatment so far. I went from not being to walk up stairs without my body stopping on me to doing moderate exercising.
Jenn,
I have never worked for a bad boss before. Never had issues in the work place. Not sure how I would react with a bully of a boss who is not my father. I am sure it equally sucks. But just gets complicated when your boss is your father.
I say go. Working for family can be particularly galling because when you’re an asset you’re family, and when you’re a liability, you’re just another employee.
Would you mind telling us why your dad wanted you to work for him in the first place? Do you have some particular expertise that would be useful to his business? Does he pay you on the same or comparable scale as his other employees? Are there family members aware of what’s going on? And what the hell was Christmas like?
He wants me to take over his business. He is 71. I told him I would try it out for 2 years. I have a background in the area of expertise. I also was living out west before for many years. The business is back east. So there is also a lot of pressure from my mom. She just wants the grand kids nearby. That plays an important part as well in getting me to stay back east. I am paid the exact same salary as a prof. And as a prof I get academic schedule.
Is this what you learned from your conversation yesterday? He wants you to take over the business and he hasn’t mentioned it before?
Is it a business that you have any real interest in?
So, I did it last night.
We had the man to man talk. Thank you everybody. I stood my ground. I let it all out on the table. He said he was humbled and would never talk like this to his own father (who was mentally and physically abusive.) He apologized to me. He tried to get me to stay longer and then made me feel bad. Said I owed him two years. I committed to the two years. Also, said this is the business world. People can yell and get mad and not to take it personally. That he has not yelled in the past months and he is trying. I almost wilted and let him bring me back. But I repeated that he shit on me on very tough time in my life in front of everyone in the workplace. And then he never apologized for his behavior but just tried to manage me after humiliating me. I told him I had to stand up for myself and live life for myself and no one else. He seemed okay with that and that was it. The only time he got mad and threw out guilt and pressure tactics when I said I was leaving in 6 months as opposed to 18 months. Of course my mom knows now and she is emotional. She told me it was a dream come true for me and the grand kids to be near her and dad ruined her dream. Right now it is a emotional mess in my family. But glad I finally stood up to him. Thank you for the support and the push I needed.
You are AWESOME. That wasn’t an easy thing to do, but you absolutely did the right thing for yourself. Congratulations!
Maybe I should be more clear on the timeline here. The deal was to take the 2 year leave of absence and try out the business in order to take it over. After several months in the office (he screamed at me for little mistakes that everyone could hear). So only 3 to 4 months I came into his office and told him I did not want the business and that is when he went nuts and raged at me calling me a pussy, saying I have phycological problems and don’t have lyme. He said I need thicker skin. He came up to me like he was going to punch me but then backed away. I get the thicker skin part. But again at the time I was suffering greatly with my health which he knew all about. He toned down the yelling after that. But never apologized. However, he was still controlling and condensing as ever. Making me feel bad if I made a small mistake etc. As I started to heal it started to dawn on me how angry I was for what he did that day in the office. It has been three months since that day he humiliated me. He has tried. But I can not get that day out of my memory. Felt like he needs to be accountable for his actions and so I have to leave in 6 months.
It is not a bad business. It is nice work but nothing I am passionate about. The thing is my dad is so controlling. Essentially he would give me the business but always play a part until his death meaning I would be living in the control of my father into my 60s probably (both is parents lived into their 90s)
It sounds like you need to set some boundaries with your parents. Not only your father, but your mother is trying to guilt you into staying so she can have the dream of living close to the grandchildren.
You need to do what is healthy for YOU, not your parents. If that means taking over from your dad, fine. But if it’s not, that’s perfectly okay too.
That’s not true, and he knows it’s not true, and you need to keep in mind it’s not true.
Re. “I would never have talked to my father like that”, it’s a typical bully’s tactic: they step on you, and when you yell “OW!” it’s “how can you do this to me? :smack:” <— fainting smiley.
Only you and your wife can decide if you want to be there and take over the business or not, but from the other side of the Atlantic, my crystal ball is saying that Daddy Dear will never really let you handle it (ETA: heck, I see you know that already!); he’ll be riding your back all the time. Do you really want to spend your life under his thumb and have your children grow learning that that’s what one does for family? Your mother wants her grandchildren nearby, but - what will the price for you and your wife, and even those children, be? If you feel like shit all the time, if you’re strung enough for piano wire, it’s no good for you, it’s no good for your wife, and it’s no good for your kids.
Thank you for the comments ivylass and nava. Your words ring very true to me right now.
And a few more points - five years ago I finished a 32 year career in the Canadian Navy, and the last time I had a bad boss was back in 1990 or thereabouts. Outside of a couple of bad bosses way back then my various jobs have been enjoyable to excellent. And since my retirement I have been in the business world and have been having a blast in this company. Nobody I work with behaves this way.
If I were you and it was feasible I would get out now.