When large, fat, rough guests insist on ignoring the sturdy modern sofa and armchair and instead flop down into my antique rocking chair. And rocking it vigorously, despite the squeaks and creaks and groans. I mean, what am I supposed to say? “Get off that rocker, you’re too fat for it”–?
:eek:
Some of you (I’m looking at you, Girl Hermit) have invited some real nutters into your home.
That is beyond revolting and I think you deserve a million dollars for not killing her with your bare hands (and then washing up after with TP-free soap).
I can see how it’s irritating (ETA: beyond irritating, actually) and screws up the soap, but I don’t see the hygiene disaster here. It’s just paper on soap. What’s the big deal? It came from near the toilet? So did the soap, presumably.
I assume the very problem is that nobody’s ever told them that. Not that you can, of course. It’s a tough situation, but maybe they don’t have any way to understand the problem.
It’s because the 2000 flushes gives him minty fresh breath, isn’t it?
I might substitute “big” for “fat” but I’d get 'em off the rocker first and out of my house second.
Ha! No, it’s because she is a big time resource guarder and she used to guard her water bowl from the cats (and once seriously injured my sister’s dog protecting her water bowl). So now the water bowl belongs to the cats and she sneaks around and drinks from it and we’ve allowed her to think it’s okay to drink from the toilet, as that is ours and we’re sharing it.
You pee in your DISHWASHER??? 
::d&r::
Most of the others I get, but this one has me baffled:
I can’t comprehend you’re “going nuclear” over something this (IMHO) trivial. Forget the allergy crap - let’s say I like coke & you like pepsi. I don’t expect you to supply me with coke because you don’t like it, so no biggie I’ll go buy myself a coke. You see this as a problem why ??
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Smoking
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Being mean to, or unreasonable about, my pets. Unreasonable as in, I should lock them in their crates and never let them out while you are here. I will keep them away from you to the best of my ability, but they live here; you don’t.
Really, those are the only things that I think I just could not abide. And even on the smoking you’re welcome to step outside on the patio. I’ll even supply an empty beer can as an ashtray.
What’s wrong with this? The TP thing is horrifyingly hilarious, BTW. Horrifying for obvious reasons and hilarious because it’s so horrifying and didn’t happen to me. 
This shows how much mileage varies. If the guest wants certified organic free-range peanut butter, by all means they should buy it themselves, because I’m not going to. I hope others feel the same way: I drink Diet Coke, not Diet Pepsi, not caffiene-free Diet Coke, not flavored Diet Coke, not Coke Zero. If I’m staying more than 24 hours, I do ask if they would mind if I lay in a 6-pack of DC for myself; I hope I haven’t been unpardonably rude all these years.
I go for what could be considered passive aggressive comment - You DO realize I saved up for months to buy that chair?/ Greatgrandma Ethel rocked my dear departed Grandpa in that chair 90 years ago - it coujld never be replaced/ Here, let me get you a more comfortable chair.
I have a footstool in my living room that was from my Great grandparents’ farm. It holds a lot of sentimental value. A guest thought it would make a great seat. “That’s a footstool, not an assperch”. She moved to a chair. Now the footstool gets put away when she comes over.
My peeves:
Bringing you child(ren) over is fine. Bringing your obviously ill child(ren) not so much. It’s your job to clean up the hurl, thanks muchly. Nuclear fallout occurs when you receive a call a few days after they’ve left to chat and end the conversation with “saayyy, I suppose I should let you know Junior was diagnosed with chicken pox yesterday…”
When they mess with the thermostat.
When they ask if I’ll run a quick load of laundry and then complain about the results. I use the perfume free/anti itch kind of soap, sorry if you prefer your clothes to smell like Chemical Mountain Springs or whatever.
My house is not a daycare.
My bedroom and TheKids’ bedroom are off-limits. I’ve jolted out of bed upon hearing her screaming - a cousin though it would be “cute” to tickle her while she was sleeping. Jerk.
I have two china coasters which live on a coffee table, one by each chair, so it’s not as if she helped herself to an unused coaster somewhere but rather, she appropriated someting which was already in use, for her own use. If they are moved, there is no coaster ready for use when I sit down. That I can deal with, however even if there wasn’t a good reason for them to be kept there, I do not move things around in other people’s houses and therefore I expect that guests don’t move things around in mine. More importantly, they are china and therefore breakable and are also a discontinued pattern. They are for putting your cup on, not balanging precariously on top of a cup (she’s got this weird-ass obsession with things going cold) and carrying around the house and into the garden. She could have taken a whole host of unbreakable things for putting on top of her cup but she liked the china coasters - she even had the nerve to complain when we bought her melamine ones and hid the china ones.
I hat her. :mad:
I guess I’ve had good house guests, or I’m fairly easy going.
I did get really angry one time though. The friend of my roommate used my Le Creuset baked enamel frying pan to fry eggs, burned the eggs onto the pan, then rinsed the pan out with a little soap and water. All done! Every pan should be caked with burned on eggs!
You call that fucking clean???
As a guest, don’t expect me to love your pets just like you do.
“Pet Woogums.
Pet him some more.
He likes that. Pet him more.
Don’t stop. He likes it. Pet more.
I. Said. Pet. Woogums. More.”
Look, you Stepford Wife, it’s not my fucking cat!
If someone (I don’t care how many chromosomes they share with me or my SO) did any of the things your BIL has done I’d be force feeding him the contents of the cat litter pan. How have you not kicked the cunt out yet?!?!?
Well, there’s a big difference to me between a day visitor and a house guest, and most responses seem to be speaking about house guests (people who stay for several days).
Throwing garbage on the floor, clipping your finger or toe nails onto the floor, stuff like that, making a mess. These clowns almost universally say “you vacuum, don’t you?” to which I say “There’s a motherfucking garbage can over there and I don’t feel like vacuuming right this fucking minute.”, usually followed by a warning that doing it again will result in an immediate disinvitation from my abode. I permanently disinvited a gamer who refused to clean up his mess and left it for me.
Leaving a mess in the bathroom, not flushing the toilet, leaving urine or feces on the toilet or outside the toilet. Once very very long ago, I went into the bathroom after a gaming event to find feces on the hand towel. That entire group was never allowed into my house again.
Deliberately destroying my property. You’re gone. Right now. Don’t ever come back, I don’t want to know you. End of relationship.
Same with hurting my cat(s). Fuck you, take a hike before I seriously injure you. No, I won’t call the cops if you refuse to leave after hurting my animals, I own many weapons… (Yes, years ago I ejected someone for being a dick to my cat. Lucky for him my cat was not injured, or he would have been.)
Bringing your small children over without telling me first results in you being met at the door and advised that my house is not child proof, has many fragile pieces easily accessible and that your child is thus not welcome uninvited. I won’t even let you in the front door. Older kids would be subject to strict control with the advisory that “If you won’t discipline your children, I WILL.” and a suggestion that if that isn’t acceptable to them, they should probably take the kids home.
OTOH: Despite what I’ve said here and in other threads, I like kids and if you ask me before hand about bringing them over, I’ll gladly child-proof the central areas and happily entertain your kids while they’re here. Hell, I’ve been known to go to other people’s houses and spend more time playing with their kids than speaking to the adults.
Pets? Nope. No Entry. My current cat ripped a nice gash on the rib cage of my sister’s dog when she brought him by (invited). Caught us both by surprise.
Don’t like my food? You’re welcome to go elsewhere and I’ll think twice before offering you any more in the future.
Entering my bedroom without me being present. “Excuse me, what the fuck are you doing in here?” Guests have NO business in there. My immediate suspicion falls to theft.
Chimera, I like the way you operate. Sometimes the only way to deal with these people is expulsion and to hell with the consequences. Guests should aim to be humble and helpful at all times, not treat relationships like a free pass to a cheap hotel.
You forgot the F. And they are alwaays welcome.
But not their kids.
I meant that they had some problem with it being in contact with the sink - but on rereading I realise it was more mundane, just the inconvenience of it sliding around. :smack:
We own a pretty cheap couch and loveseat set. Its fine for sitting on properly, but sometimes guests prop themselves up on that arms - which are NOT made to hold weight. And we always say “oh, you don’t want to lean there - I mean you can, but its really not meant to hold weight and I wouldn’t want you to get hurt when it collapses.”
In your case I’d say “oh, you know what, you really don’t want to sit there. Its an antique and rather fragile - I’d hate for it to give out underneath you and for you to get hurt.”
Nothing about their weight is explicitly said, the blame is put on the chair and the emphasis in such a way that you can say “what, I was more concerned about you than the chair” if offense is take.
Then move the fragile rocker to the bedroom when you have company.
That’s when you start carrying him around by the tail. If she says something, look all innocent and say “But he likes it!”.
Note to cat lovers: I do not actually recommend carrying the poor creature around by the tail.
I suspect it’s a matter of tone. There’s a world of difference between
“What kind of breakfast cereal do you have? Weetabix? Uh-oh - I have celiac disease and I can’t eat anything made with wheat. No problem, I’ll just pick up a box of gluten-free cereal later today.”
and
“What kind of breakfast cereal do you have? Weetabix? Yuck - how can you eat that crap? Guess I’ll have to go out and get some real food so I don’t have to starve around here.”