Favorite Borderlands 2 quotes

Borderlands 2 has tons of funny quotes. The main badguy, Handsome Jack, taunts you through the whole game with these silly anecdotes. One of my favorites:

"…So people are dying left and right and all of sudden this guy decides to run at me with a spoon. A SPOON HAHAHA! So I scoop his stupid little eyeballs out with it and his kids are there all crying like WAAHHHH! And he’s runnin’ into stuff and… hahaha! Oh man… I guess you had to be there.

Anyway… the moral of the story is you’re a total bitch."

Also Butt Stallion :stuck_out_tongue:

"At the sound of Harton screaming for his life, the time will be 2:30 PM.

AAAH! AAGGGH! OH GOD, WHY?!

… At the sound of Harton screaming for his life again, the time will be 2:45 PM."

“All the ladies say I’m the fastest ride in town! Aaaaw I just realized I insulted myself.” - Scooter

So many awesome quotes in this game.

“Out of Body Experience” is my vote for funniest mission. A choice quote from the untrustworthy robot AI core you’ve been asked to help:

“Sorry for attempting to murder you. Force of habit. Please insert me into War Loader 1340 at these coordinates. I will not attempt to murder you again.” [Attempts to murder you again.]

On the side of every porta-pottie:

DOOK HUT
NO FAPPING

Sir Hammerlock: BONERFARTS! (I also love how the game changes the HUD to reflect whatever he’s calling them at the time)

Handsome Jack going on about his diamond horse is great too.

I like the New U station messages

Psycho: PLUTO’S NOT A PLANET!

Combat Engineer: (After killing one of his buddies) He was two days away from retirement!

I’m pretty sure I heard a Combat Engineer shout,
“I’m not even supposed to be here today!”

This game is so chock full of pop culture references, and I’ve probably only recognized half of them at best.

The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Top Gun side missions are still my favorites.

Handsome Jack has a ton of quotables.

“IT WAS JUST A QUESTION, MR. FLYNT!”

Me and my SO still get to chortling if one of says this.

A Badass Psycho charged the shit out of me quoting Hamlet.

Then I shot him in the face, so he said

It’s not a quote, but I think I spent an extra ten minutes in the Buzzard Pilots’ Camp provoking the pilots to hum Ride of the Valkyries

I used to be a Vault hunter like you, until I took a bullet to the knee.

I just got to a significant part of the storyline and found a great quote:

[spoiler]When Sanctuary takes flight, Scooter can’t help but be proud.

“This is one of them times… CATCH A RIIIIIIIIIIDE!”

Awesome. I cheered.[/spoiler]

All the ladies in Sanctuary say I’m the fastest ride in to… Aww. I just realized that’s an insult.

I’m pretty sure I heard a psycho yell “I’M the one who knocks!” (A Breaking Bad quote.)

Heard near the newsstand: “Poppop always said there’s always money in the newsstand.” (Arrested Development)

One of Marcus’ gun machines says:

Tannis:

Wilhelm:

Tiny Tina: “Please excuse Madame Von Bartlesby’s disposition. She’s Welsh!”

Great grandma was guilty of a lot of things, like… Well, let’s just say it rhymed with “child shmaficking.”

Also, some schmannibalism.

Two Handsome Jack moments:

“Oh, yeah, and since you shiver-brains evidently don’t know how to listen, I’ll say it again: stop bringing in fake Sirens. Only six Sirens can exist in the universe at any given time, and I already know of three - you’re not gonna convince me you happened to find one of the remaining three just by drawing blue tattoos on some random chick’s corpse. I will admit, it was mildly amusing the first dozen times you idiots tried it, but now my office smells like blood and marker fumes. So quit it!”

Jack’s violin solo.

A delight from Ellie:

“martyr fumes”.