“Whenever deadly germs invade your body, the immune system goes into action and kills the invaders.”
“WOW! That’s heavy!”
Gotta love that line.
Heh, yeah, That Crazy Guy! is quite the classic. I especially like how ol’ Jack T. Chick backs up his medical claims by citing an issue of the Focus on the Family newsletter. We all know what a bastion of accurate, well-researched information Focus on the Family is. 
It seems Jack Chick never learned anything in school from the Holocaust when he wrote wrote that tract. :pissed:
His first holy avenger? Shoot, back in my day you were lucky to see a holy avenger, let alone two.
Meatros: You should have rolled for the treasure yourself, then! “Hey look, I rolled a” fidget fidget fidget “double-zero! That means I get a sphere of annihilation and something from the Artifacts and Relics table!”
ooh you gotta love the science!
especially about HIV.
the evolution stuff is pretty fabulous too.
and does chick not realise that charity is one of the pillars?
stupid, stupid man.
You know, generally when I used to play, things always steered away from getting artifacts, magic items, power, (you know the cool stuff) and instead always twisted into something political or personal. His favorite thing to do was to start a fresh game, give us all sorts of advantages (special ability scores, special equipment, more spells, and sometimes even magic items) and then take us on a doomed quest. We’d get about one monster in and suddenly a “mummy” or a “Tarrasque” would leap out, eat us, and then “give” our special equipment to future enemies. He always ended those games pretending to be annoyed at our inability to stay alive…
Also our DM liked to pit people against each other, secretly. My warrior would be walking along when all of a sudden “thwack”, an arrow would be sticking out of his back and a smiling ranger/elf/PC would be going through my startlingly dead characters pockets for the “only good treasure available”.
He (the DM) never invited me over to cast real spells though.:rolleyes:
I’m not saying we didn’t have regular, fun filled games, it’s just you tend to remember the ones where your “character” is called an “asshole” for using all the healing potion. 
I’m glad to see that “Where’s Rabbi Waxman?” got its due here. Despite the many extremely worthy candidates mentioned before, this one still wins for me for the absolute baldness of the basic Chick Message: that, indeed, God is so petty as to ignore his children’s lives and personal worths in favor of their blind professions of faith and that God sees no ethical problem with damning good, peaceful people to an eternity or torment and pain because of their differing opinion as to whether Jesus was actually the Messiah or not. (Talk about the worst true/false test ever.)
I love “Dark Dungeons,” too, but the silliness keeps it from the “honor” IMHO; it’s actually genuine entertainment for those of us who started gaming at a wee innocent age, played characters with names every bit as stupid as “Elfstar,” got them to level 8, and still didn’t get the real magic. Darn.
(Hijack: my first campaign was so Monty Haul that when I came in as a new player with a fifth-level character, my PC was able to crawl into the party Portable Hole and pull out full magical kit. It was beautifully sick.)
Eventually, I got so power-hungry that I stopped playing with a DM and just beefed up my disgusting characters on my own. “Oh, look!” I’d say in mock astonishment. “That centaur I just killed was carrying four gems, each of which is worth” (roll roll roll roll roll roll roll) “one million gold pieces! That means I get 4 million experience points and can use the gems to buy more magic items.”
Of course, with that many gold pieces, the piddling little magic weapons listed in the DMG would never cut it. So I invented “combination” magic weapons and assigned a gold-piece sale value to each of them. F’rinstance, if a vorpal sword was 50,000 g.p., and a sword of wounding was 9,000 g.p., and a holy avenger was 35,000 g.p., then by golly, my character should be able to buy a holy vorpal sword of wounding for 94,000 g.p.
Oh … and since each of the Teeth of Dahlver-Nar was worth 5,000 g.p., and each tooth had exactly one random Artifact power, then I should be able to add Artifact powers to any other magic items at a cost of 5,000 g.p. per Artifact power. So a holy vorpal sword of wounding that made me totally immune to mental/psionic attacks and granted total fire/heat resistance to all creatures within 20 feet – and, more importantly, was considered an Artifact so that it could still operate inside an anti-magic shell – would cost 104,000 g.p…
Geeky sidebar: Actually, tracer combining magical powers in weapons doesn’t work that way, at least in 3rd ed. I have boots of striding and springing, spider climbing, and the winterlands, and one randomly generated magical treasure I netted was heavy mace of chaotic frost shock. The cost for adding additional powers goes up, it’s not just addition. Also, you can’t create artifacts as a mortal. Heh, and I even consider myself the anti-powergamer.
By the way, put me in for Dark Dungeons. First Chick track I ever saw, and boy was I ever hooked.
To continue the “disgusting D&D characters” hijack…
I have actually fallen in love with Third Edition when it comes to truly munchkinning out. Why? Two reasons: a) a (stupid/inattentive/overly trusting/otherwise impaired) DM will theoretically let you use any intelligent race as a PC race, and b) racial templates. So many racial templates. Even if your effective character level gets cranked, you can still do absurd things.
I actually generated a half-centaur/half-green-dragon PC once, just to see how broken it would be. (Answer: quite broken.) Now to find a DM who’ll let me play the damn thing.
There’s an even better reason to love 3rd Edition when it comes to creating munchkin characters:
The Epic Level Handbook
Do you realize that a randomly-generated epic magic weapon or epic magic armor/shield has no upper limit on its enhancement bonus? Ever been armed with a +infinity defender longsword ? :drool:
Nah, he’s just a Troll. When I first discovered Chic I was absolutly convinced that he was making fun of christians. I *still believe that. Seriously, he should be in one of his own tracts, with Chick taking off his mask to reveal that he his the devil himself.
“HAW HAW HAW I misled all those christians.”
I especially love the “budda budda budda” sound that the gun makes
I must have grown up in a REALLY good town, we had plenty of hot girls playing D&D. I even dated a girl that was VERY VERY hot, and very obsessed with D&D, and a very good DM. I feel for you guys 
I love the lyrics of The Green Angels song: “We’re gonna rock, rock, rock, rock with the ROCK!” How deep. How meaningful. No wonder one of the members of the croud dreamily declares: “I love um.”
Oh my lord…you’ve got character development down to a fine art…:eek:
I haven’t really played 3rd edition rules, but the last character I made, made it up to 23 level and the DM decided to give him some special powers. The first one was that his fists now counted as +1 weapons. After that, my character was able to be ambidexterous with no penalty, he also specialized in the bastard sword/the katana/and the great scimitar. Eventually he was able to use two-handed weapons with on hand, had a crazy amount of attacks per turn, and did great damage with his vorpal great scimitar +3.
Inicidently, no other character of mine amassed half as much power as that barbarian.
This is actually relatively easily done in Third, I think (cast Magic Fang on your fists and then Permanence – expensive, especially if you have to hire an NPC to cast them for you, but very simple). I know there’s at least one monk NPC I’ve seen in published WotC material with +1 fists, and he was far below 23rd level.
Then again, he was a Forgotten Realms NPC, so I guess it’s not surprising coming from a setting that seems designed to warm one’s tiny, wine-dark, twisted munchkin soul.
I’ve hardly ever seen any, despite one of my former churches carrying them in the lobby.
They only had This was your life, Boo! and the one where the little girl is terminally ill.
Guess I’m missing out.
I’ll have to send away for the catalog!
You should see my list of Munchkin Tips and Tricks for 2nd Edition.
Sorry to contribute to the hijaak, but back in highschool, my character and the character of a guy I ABSOLUTLY HATED got fused into one character. It was in a LONG ongoing campaign at the HS. It was pretty fun but VERY annoying. We had to roll vs. Constitution every time either one of us wanted to do anything. Fortunatly I eventually managed to over power him and banish his psyche to the deaths of my chars mind. It changed the char’s alignment to Chaotic neutral though.