Just heard this today. A man applies for a job as a math teacher at a new progressive school. As part of the interview, the principal asked him to show a math equation that equals nine without using numbers. The man takes a pencil and draws 3 trees. The principal asks him how does that equal nine.
“Tree plus tree plus tree equals nine.”
The principal then asked him to show an equation equaling 99. The man took a bit of mud off his shoe, rubbed a bit on each tree. The principal then asked how does that equal 99.
“Dirty tree plus dirty tree plus dirty tree equals 99.”
The principal then tried to trip him up by asking for an equation that equals 100. The old man thought a bit then drew a small line next to each tree. The principal asked what the lines were.
“Dose are turds. Dirty tree and a turd plus dirty tree and a turd plus dirty tree and a turd equals 100.”
Why was 6 scared of 7?
Because 7 8 9.
Why did the Monkey fall out of the tree?
Coz it was Dead
Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?
Coz it was tied to the first monkey
Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?
It was playing follow-my-leader
Why did the tree fall over?
It thought it was a monkey.
These sorts of jokes are best told when stoned or very drunk! They’re hilarious 
Uptight patient to his psychiatrist: “Sometimes I think I’m a tepee and sometimes I think I’m a wigwam. What’s the matter with me?”
Shrink: “You’re just two tents!”
Monica L. has become a Republican because the Democrats left a bad taste in her mouth.
shouldn’t that be the interrupting cow wh-
MOO!
so the MOO is over the who?
A couple of my kids’ favorites:
Why did Tigger look in the toilet?
He was looking for Pooh
What do you call cheese that belongs to someone else?
Nacho cheese!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Mayonnaise.
Mayonnaise who?
Mayonnaise have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord…
groan
My son loves these:
Knock Knock!
Who’s There?
Duane.
Duane Who?
Duane the bathtub, I’m dwowning!
What do cheese lovers sing at Christmas?
You cheddar watch out, you cheddar not cry!
And in the same vein…
What do baby harp seals drink?
Canadian Club on the rocks.
A cop is chasing three accomplices in a robbery down the street. As the robbers turn down an ally, they realize their only chance is to hide in three potato sacks they find there. They climb in just before the cop turns the corner and sees the three sacks. He decides it would be wise to check them out.
Cop kicks the first bag:
Robber #1: “Meow, meow!”
Cop: “Oh, it’s just a cat.”
Cop kicks the second bag:
Robber #2: “Woof, woof!”
Cop: “Oh, it’s just a dog.”
Cop kicks the third bag:
Robber #3: “Potatoes!”
I completely and totally died when I first heard this joke from a friend. Dunno what that says about my sense of humor…
OY…ignore the flagrant spelling errors. ALLEY. :smack:
here’s a bad one… whats the difference between boogers and broccoli…kids don’t eat broccoli. sorry told you it was bad.
here’s a good one… a guy walks into a bar and orders twelve shots, downs them fast one after another. the bartender says gee why are you drinking so fast. the guy says well…if you had what i had you’d be drinking fast too. the bartender says sympathically what do you have? the guy says…fifty cents
…I’ll crank my old favourite out…
If Mr Spock has pointed ears, what does Scotty have?
ENGINEARS!