Oh, Enright3, you evil mothah…
You are SO on my shitlist for that.
EWWWWWW
Gah. Freaks, the lot of you. I think I’m going to hurl now.
So, Coldy, how many times did you watch that video?
…and yet another quote I can use!
[elvis]Thank you, thank you very much[/elvis]
What a total hoot! So now I have to step forward with a confession that, well,
I Married A Squeezer
Unfortunately, not for the FBI, which would be a much more interesting story. No, there’s no Kim Philby here, just a guy whose lady likes, enjoys, perhaps even needs, to harvest her hubby’s various zits, pimples and ingrown hairs.
If I understand the nomenclature correctly, that would make me a “bottom” to her “top.”
She attacks her job with real zeal (and the occasional cry of “Good one!” as she systematically examines me. It’s actually quite relaxing (except for the occasional jab of pain). Must be some sort of grooming reflex.
While she has beautiful, fine-grained skin, my pores exude enough oil to set up a small Persian gulf principality, so she has plenty of material to work with. She has a few favorite pores and returns to them each time.
Strange, but we like it.
So I have a major zit right on the corner of my jawbone. I squeeze it once and a bunch of pus comes out. Okay.
It starts itching two weeks later, when I’m at work. I scratch and blamm…a bunch of pus, followed by a river of blood. I bleed like a hemophilac anyway, but this is good, even for me. I go into the kitchen and get some wet paper towels. I’ve already covered two with blood and am using the third when our accountant walks in. He looks at me and says: Were you shot or stabbed?
I ABSOLUTELY cannot believe that this thread has lasted SIX MONTHS.
If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go dig my brains out through my ears with rusty knitting needles because I CAN’T GET RID OF THESE MENTAL IMAGES!
Do not underestimate the love of a Doper for a good zit-popping tale.
Ok - I’ve got one.
But first, let me say, with a weird mix of shame and pride, that I am a Squeezer. My husband will let me work on his back, but he doesn’t have that many. He does, however, have an Old Faithful. But I have the richest field available to a Squeezer - I have an 18-yr-old son! And he lets me work on his face. Heaven. I know, I’m sick…
Anyway, my story.
Like every woman should, I examine my breasts every month or so, usually in the shower. Well, I came across a tiny lump a while back. Rolled it between my thumb and finger, looked at it in the mirror, had hubby check it out, and finally decided to go to the doctor.
While I was waiting, I played with it (it was underneath my right breast, and i couldn’t see it.) Finally I got up to look at it in the mirror again, and squeezed it. POP! All over the mirror! Ewww…
At least it wasn’t cancer! (I decided not to tell the doctor, and I did clean the mirror with a tissue…)
These are wonderful stories and I believe that Coldfire and GrizzRich are secretly acting outraged and upset. In reality they enjoy these accounts but are afraid other people will think they are weird. In my opinion, nothing beats a good behind the ear eruption. In the meantime, keep those stories coming!!
I wonder if we could get John Hurt to star…
http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_714316.html?menu=news.weirdworld.badtaste
Imagine getting that from a good squeeze?
And to think…on the What Is Your Odd Habit? thread I was embarrassed to admit i liked popping zits on other people…shit…i feel sane now, thanks.
BTW, I am sickened and beyond grody by these horrible tales.
Please continue.:eek:
OMG I have to see this. can someone please repost it. i tried to dl but it said could not be found. this thread is the sickest shit ever. im gone for a few weeks in rehab and i get back to this magnificent post. i want to buy all you deranged lunatics a pepsi.
My zit story is so-so. My dad’s family has hideous skin dating back from their franco-canadian heritage of living in dirt and squalor with like 17 kids in a bed. anyway, lucky me, i had not-bad skin growing up.
but my personal zit story is probably the time i felt a little lump on my ear right next to my hoop, thought it was nothing more than a little ingrown hair ( no head, no redness nothing) and i would see nothing but some pencil-lead thin string of zit-pit. all of a sudden i got a burst of somthing that i can only describe as reminding me of wathcing a kernel of corn turn into popcorn, an explosion of thick pasty pus that sorta just shot out and hung off my lobe. i remember staring into the mirror awestruck as if i had just pulled a rubber chicken out my nostril. i was so not expecting it.
my second runner up was an ex-gf who had a huge, ripe just-aching-to-be-squeezed zit on her right flank just above her hip but in that love-handle area thats really sensitive. I simply HAD TO get at this thing and after about 10 minutes of squeezing so hard i was about to stand up and wedge my foot against the table for support, i got a mild stream of blood and some of that milky pus that forms at the very cratar. altogether disappointing. getting back to business i squeezed and squeezed ( i was actually sweating, lying there, a cigarette dangling out my mouth with a look on my face of such stern concentration i must have looked like a cross between a surgeon and someone sizing up a real Minnesota Fats-like pool shot) and suddenly
WHAM!!!
out comes this jet of pus that looked like those solar flares of flame you see coming off the sun. it splattered my arm and my cheek and hit the wall beside us. my gf was almost crying at this point so i stopped but i was shaking. i was so disgusted and fascinated and repulsed at once i could only star in dumb animal wonder at this mess.
awesome.
time to go do a full body scan for something to pick.
ps: for me the best part of zits is inspecting the cratar afterwards. for some reason big holes in skin really fascinate me. my ex-gf of the above story got a hole from this one i could have hid valuables in.
Hope you washed your hands. Keep up the good work, everyone, I love these threads.
Last time I looked, the links for the brain zit and the “Old Faithful” zit was GONE!!!
:eek:
Oh my lord, I think I have just found my sig quote.
MemoryGongs, I had tears of mirth in my eyes as I read your post. No joke.
As for my zit story, today I was checking my face in the mirror, on the lookout for any new pimples. I usually can count on a few interesting gushers under my nostrils, so I was examining that area closely when I glanced down to see two white bumps on the sides of my upper lip.
As I had ignored this area for so long, these zits had been given ample time to marinate. Pressing my thumbnails against the first, I squeezed and was rewarded by a small jet of green-white goo. Not satisfied, I squeezed again and the bump coughed up what can only be described as half of my upper lip. Astonished by the sheer capacity that the first bump had held, I switched my focus to the second. It eagerly yielded a looooong thin string of green-white gunk.
Ah! I feel cleansed now.
.:Nichol:.
See, this is the kind of descriptive writing that America needs more of! Seriously, there are lots of hair follicles around the mouth, which means plenty of opportunities for clogged pores. Check this area carefully and report back.
:eek: Of all the threads on these boards, you had to resurrect this one??
Sadistic bastard.
My additions:
-
I’ve had, on two seperate occasions, LARGE pimples on the shaft of my penis. Those hurt like a sumbitch to pop, but, pop they must.
-
I had a pimple on my cheek that just would NOT go away. Pop, return. Pop, return. One day I noticed a black dot in the middle of said pimple, post-pop. Now, I’m a very hairy guy, so I know about extracting ingrown hairs. However, the ones I extract are not usually 3/4" long.
-
Once, I had this… thing on my right temple. It was there for a long, long time. Looked like some sort of pimple, but it never burst. Never hurt. It was just annoying. I decided “Enough of you, Mr. Pseudo-zit. I’m gonna take care of you.” Apparently, all I did was get it infected. Two days or so go by, and this thing swells up to the point that it hits the right wing of my sunglasses and reading glasses. And it hurts like a B.I. Itch. I go to the ER (since I don’t have a regular physician, even though I do have insurance), and tell the receptionist that I want this thing gone. I get admitted, and the Doc looks at it.
“Well, I can reccommend a plastic surgeon…”
“Huh?”
“Or, we can prescribe some antibiotics.”
“Let’s do that.”
So, the Doctor puts me on an antibiotic calledErythromycin, both in a topical solution and in a 200mg (iirc) tablet. It works, but it works too well. It kills bacteria that I need, like in my GI tract. I’m pooping like 4 times a day, but it’s not the nice kind. Nope. Runny and yellow. I poop so much that it gives me hemmorrhoids.
Enough of that nonsense, I think. I stick with the topical solution, tho. Man, did that thing burst. I still have a scar that collects stuff and needs to be discharged every now and then.
And, for number 4…