The best thing about the show Ally McBeal was the Fishisms. Here’s a few:
–Helping people is never more rewarding than when it’s in your own self-interest.
–Everything is about presentation. What’s inside doesn’t count; it’s how things look.
–Communication is the death knell of any relationship.
–With men, we go right to anthropology; nature. Man is conditioned to spread his seed. When we sleep around we’re really doing God’s work.
–Couples don’t have sex after marriage….Well, yes, but it’s not enjoyable. Sex for men is a little about conquest. After marriage she’s legally required. If a husband tells a friend he got lucky last night, you can be sure he’s not talking about his wife.
–How can a wife forget Thanksgiving? It’s only the biggest cooking day of the year. How often does a woman really get the chance to shine outside the bedroom?
–This is what happens when the justice system gets perverted by principle!
–Let me tell you something. I didn’t become a lawyer because I like the law. The law sucks. Its boring. But it can also be used as a weapon. You want to bankrupt somebody? Cost him everything he’s worked for? Make his wife leave him? Even cause his kids to cry? Now, we can do that.
–(Fish, in court, regarding an incident at a cafe) We just love to live in a politically correct world that is so evolved. Where did we pass a law against common sense? This is a French bistro. When people go there, they go not just to eat but to dine. The ambiance of culture they want to feel elite and sophisticated. A good gay waiter can do that. They have that snobbish little entitlement thing going. People like that.
(Judge) Gays are elitist snobs?
(Fish) The waiter kind are. First, they are smarter. They grow up reading more books, probably looking to find an answer as to why they’re homosexual. Plus they’re terrible at sports, which gives them more time to study. The point is, they’re smart—they want to work in the arts—they end up waiters, way overqualified. Bitter. Snobby. People have come to expect this when ordering a French fruity wine.
I don’t have just one from all these years of TV. So a sampling…
“I don’t have low self-esteem – that’s a mistake. I have low esteem for everyone else.”
“Gravity… is a harsh mistress.”
Couple of drink orders by one same character:
“The perfect dry Martini. A drink that’s dying of thirst”
“A very dry, arid, barren, desiccated veritable dust bowl of a Martini.”
“What’s the matter? You’ve (You people?) never seen a wimp, before?”
“Now about to come into the picture from the lower end of the screen, the luckiest man in Iraq…” (screen has overhead shot of bridge; car appears in the shot, speeds across the bridge, just gets to the other side and goes offscreen when the smartbomb hits dead center on the bridge and pulverizes it)
“It’s a shame, it’s a dirty shame… that I never learned to read”