“Can’t or won’t?”
“Either”
“The IRS?! Jesus, how many Irish gangs are there?”
“I’ll watch you masturbate but my heart will be with that tiger’s family.”
“Question: can this be fired with an erection?”
Cheryl, Pam and Ray are talking about Rona Thorne, a famous actress of whom Pam and Ray are fans but Cheryl is not:
Pam: Oh my God, she’s amazing.
Cheryl: ehhh, I dunno.
Pam: That’s because you’re an idiot.
Ray: Who obviously never saw River’s Rage.
Cheryl: I saw it, but I was like… ehhhhhhhh…
Pam: Wuh…? Are you nuts? That scene where a baby gets swept away…
Ray: Bawled so hard, they made me leave the theater. I never saw the ending.
Cheryl: Well, they find the baby…
Ray: [covers his ears] Ah! Don’t tell me!
Cheryl: [pauses]
Ray: [uncovers his ears]
Cheryl: …dead.
Ray: DAMMIT!
…and now who’s laughing, Mister Hooks for Hands?!
Cheryl is far and away my favorite character, as she’s so nuts. Her lines are almost up there with Archer’s:
“The Train Dwarf was real! He looked at me with his dwarfy eyeballs!”
One of my favorite little Cheryl moments is when fabulously wealthy socialite Cheryl is pretending to be a fabulously wealthy socialite…and is really, really bad at it :p. She’s the perfect comedic combination of horny, insane and incredibly stupid.
“Mandingo 2: The Enslavening.”
“Ohmygod! I’m going to die in a toilet stall! Just like the gypsy woman said!” 
In another episode:
…“just like the gypsy woman said!”
Pam: You really gotta stop going to her.
“It would be rude not to eat her pie, which is probably not only hot but also moist… although hopefully not flaky.”
“Come at me, bro!”
“Again with the curry! Ugh, it smells like Indira Ghandi’s thong.”
Cool Han Luke : “What we have here is a failure to communicate”
Those cannot be your only shoes. What am I saying? It’s Russia. People probably come from miles around just to get their picture taken with them.
I love the running gag recently of ISIS employees chugging alcohol and holding up one finger to indicate that they’ll rejoin the conversation when they’re done. Glug… glug… glug…
“Bros before apparent threats to national security” I now live for the day i can use that in a conversation.
“A pig wouldn’t be caught dead in that breakroom!”
“Uh, yeah it would.”
“Awww. Not Piggly too!”
From this season:
Sour mix in a margarita? What is this, Auschwitz?
Shut your dick holster!